Bar Fights and Bullets
by DeppsLadyRosebud
Summary: The winds of change have blown through the lives of the Winchester brother’s and left everything they knew in shambles. Better summary inside! Now completed
1. Chapter 1

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Dean has always saved Sam, protected him and been his keeper, this time was no different… But the aftermath was, No Demon, no spirit, no witch, just one life changing dose of reality… Can Dean learn to live with the limitations now placed on him? Once the warrior and the strength of the Winchester brothers, can he relinquish his title as the protector and accept the hand that fate has dealt him? Can Sam deal with the guilt of knowing what he caused? Can he pick up the shattered pieces of his broken family and learn to live again?_

_One thing is for sure,…. The winds of change have blown through the lives of the Winchester brother's and left everything they knew in shambles… There is no faith healer, no magic cure, nothing that can save them from the grips of reality… not this time._

_Chapter 1_

Sam stood outside the door separating him from his brother and leaned back against the wall closing his eyes, the past three months and eleven days flashing through his tired mind like a montage…

Hospitals.

Pain.

Dean.

Destruction.

Devastation.

Helplessness.

He swallowed hard his nostrils flaring as he resisted the urge to punch something, anything, the anger inside him seemed to boil so hard these days, he wondered if it was ever going to simmer down, if he was ever going to be able to look at himself in the mirror again… Without feeling nauseated with disgust. He wondered if he was ever going to be able to look his brother in the eyes again, after what he had done… But most of all he wondered the same thing he wondered every second of every day since that horrible night…

How he was going to make it from one minute to the next…

His self pity filled thoughts were interrupted by the sounds once more filling his ears of his brothers breathless pants on the other side of the door. He could hear curse words escaping Dean's lips in a low whisper, laced with frustration, anger and annoyance… He could hear the small clanks of things moving about the floor, and wondered exactly what he would find behind door number one today…

Even though for the most part he already knew the answer…

Clearing his throat he turned to face the horribly colored brown door that lead into his brother's room of the apartment they now found themselves renting,…. With everything that happened, everything that now was, there was no way they could continue their lives as they were before… Hotel hopping and pool hustling…

Putting his hand on the knob he looked down and willed it to stop shaking, this was not the first time this scenario had occurred, in fact it was the twenty-eight… no twenty-ninth time something like this had happened, and he knew it was not going to be the last.

He had to learn to bone up, to face this reality, his reality, the consequences for his actions….

A deep breath entered his lungs and then was quickly released as he turned the knob and pushed the door open…

There was Dean sprawled out on the shaggy beige carpet, making his way centimeter by centimeter toward his destination, determination stretched across his stone like features, beads of sweat working there way down his forehead…

The muscles in his arms were bulging with each push and pull, grunts involuntarily escaping his lips….

Sam cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest masking the look of concern on his face with a look of disapproval, hiding the tone of sympathy he wanted to carry with one more angry… The doctor's told him he was going to have to be firm, be strong, and forceful…

All of which were qualities he was not the best at expressing, all of which were qualities usually found in Dean's department of this brotherhood….

So now as he looked down at his brothers pathetic form on the floor, placed before him like an injured animal determined to run and hide, he thought about Dean, and what Dean would have done in this situation, and did as best he could to imitate his actions…

His foot tapped heavily on the carpet and his throat cleared again louder this time, as he narrowed his gaze…

Dean's tired hazel eyes looked from his destination still a good six feet from where he lay, to his brother and he quipped his voice defiant, " Got a frog in your throat there Sammy boy?"

"Yeah, and a pain in my ass…" He closed the gap between the two of them shaking his head as he leaned down. "Why the hell didn't you call me when you woke up? Why do you insist on trying to do this yourself?"

"Because it's mine to deal with…" Dean felt Sam's hand on his arm and jerked away, "I don't need you to wipe my ass alright? I'll figure this out,"

"You really are a stubborn bastard you know that don't you?"

"Yeah well…"

"You'd make this whole routine so much easier on the both of us if you'd just-"

"Just what Sam? Just role over? Just accept this pansy ass life style? Just let you take care of me like I'm some damn imbecile?"

"Just because you need a little help doesn't make you an imbecile."

"Says you…"

"That's right, and I'm your brother, so it should matter what I say…." Sam was trying as best he could to keep it up, but the more their conversation progressed the guiltier he felt…

"It doesn't…"

"Thanks…" Sam ran his hand over his face and rose back to a standing position, "prick."

"bitch."

"You really need to come up with some new material you know that don't you?" Sam made his way across the room and retrieved the devise toward which his brother had been heading bringing it closer to the bed.

"Why should I come up with something new when the classics still get you worked up every time?"

"I do not get worked up…"

"Sure you don't…"

"I don't." Sam grunted as he bent down again carefully lifting his brothers already substantially lighter form into his grasp.. One hand under his knees and the other around his back.

"SAM!" Dean attempted to protest.

"It's easier this way… and faster."

"Yeah, well you tell anyone and I'll have your ass…"

"Yeah… yeah I know…" He smirked placing Dean into the confining metal contraption that had now become his permanent means of mobility… Vomit was once more rising into his throat a sickening feeling devouring his senses…

A wheelchair… His brother, the strongest, healthiest human being he had ever known, was now confined to live his life… Well his new life, in this damn monstrous contraption… And it was all Sam's fault..

He shook his head a little as he crouched lower to strap his brothers feet in, a motion that Dean took note of right away….

"You okay?" His brow cocked and his head tilted as he studied the slender and recently paled form that was his baby brother, he was really worried about him, but every time he asked him how he was… every time he tried to get inside his head, Sam would simply do as Dean had always done and played the 'I'm Fine' card….

"I'm fine…" Ding. Ding, ding there it was… Dean simply rolled his eyes and ran a hand over his face… "Yeah okay Sammy, whatever you say… but you do know that eventually we are going to have to talk about this,"

"Whatever dude."

"Yeah sure whatever."

The two of them then made their way out to the front of the two bedroom apartment, Sam lazily standing behind his brother pushing him, lost once more in his thoughts… That seemed to be the only place he found any comfort anymore, was inside his head,.. The memories of what used to be blanketing his soul like a protective shield against the cold winters of what now was… And what could never be again…

He would find his mind wondering back to days not to long ago… His brother at the wheel of the 1967 Impala, the radio blasting as they make there way from city to city hunting evil and living a life on the edge… it was… perfect… a sick and twisted fairytale for a Winchester in many ways….

But then his thoughts would always falter always change and take him to that night… The night that everything changed, it wasn't in the woods, they weren't battling a demon… No this was something even scarier than all of those things combined and it sent a chill down Sam's spine every time he thought about it, which was everyday of his life.

_ 3 Months 11 days and 9 hours earlier_

_Sam didn't want to go… Once again he was being drug out to a local bar against his will, after the long and endless day they had had hunting a local vengeful spirit, all Sam really wanted to do was sleep… But Dean would have none of it…._

_So now here they were pulling up to 'Jack and Jim's Firehouse' the only bar in the shit splat town of Ottoville Ohio…_

"_Dude, this place is a dump…" The younger Winchester complained his voice coming out in a whine._

"_Yeah well, I'm sure the beer still tastes just as good…" Dean pulled the keys from the ignition and stepped out of the Impala sliding his hands into his pockets and heading in…_

_For as small of a town as Ottoville was, the bar contained quite a few locals, "Wow, lookit all the hicks." He mumbled half to himself and half to his brother who was now on his heels, the two of them making there way toward the bar._

_An older man, who dean guessed to be somewhere around forty-five and fifty, probably the bars owner was standing behind a small counter top and array of alcoholic beverages behind him… "What can I getcha?"_

"_Whatever you got on draft will do." Dean slid on to one of the empty stools and motioned for his brother to do the same.._

_Sam however was to busy scanning the crowd, it always amazed him to look at all the different types of people in every city they traveled to… Sometimes it was like entering a whole new world…_

"_Hey." Dean shifted to look at him, "You cruzin for a hook up? Or you gonna drink your beer they're charging me damn near six bucks for?"_

"_Charging you?" Sam smirked finally taking his seat and picking up the credit card in front of his brother, "Or charging Dr. James Freely?"_

"_Very funny, how many times do I have to tell you Sammy every penny we spend is hard earned, credit card fraud is not easy… The more we do it the more difficult it gets…"_

"_Yeah sure, and you waist it on beer?"_

"_A man's gotta have some joys in life doesn't he?"_

"_You have far to many!"_

"_I work hard… So therefore I play hard, there's nothing wrong with that!" _

"_Whatever you say man…"_

"_Hey… I'm injured here you know? Have a little sympathy for me would you." He quipped referring to his now bandaged right arm… "That bitch threw me kinda hard into the staircase man."_

"_Cry me a river…" Sam shook his head._

"_You know what this means though don't you?"_

_Sam shook his head immediately his eyes growing wide… "Dean No."_

"_Come on Sammy, I can't do it, and these cards are nearly maxed, you know how long it takes to get new ones!"_

"_Dean I said no!"_

"_And I said yes." The older of the two spun around on the barstool and glanced toward the only pool table in the place where two over sized gentlemen were currently playing, they looked like Dean's typical target, trucker hats, unshaven, bend over and crack a smile moronic locals. _

"_You know I suck at hustling pool…"_

"_You mean to tell me you can't beat Fred and Barney over there?"_

"_It's been years man, you're the con artist not me…."_

"_Yeah, but dad taught us both, and it's just like riding a bike…"_

"_Yeah only ten thousand times more illegal…"_

"_Well if you got a better idea lets here is college boy…"_

_Sam sighed deep and loud and Dean watched as his shoulders slumped over in defeat, he knew he had won once again._

"_That's my boy…"_

"_Prick." Sam mumbled getting up from his seat and grabbing his beer before making his way over to the before mentioned pool table, doing his best to put a confused look on his face._

Present Day

"So…" Sam tried as best he could to sound nonchalant as he stood over the stove cooking breakfast for his brother and himself his back turned to Dean as he drew his lip into his mouth. "I uh, just happened to be looking through the phone book this morning, and saw an add for a-"

"No." Dean cut him off taking a sip of his coffee.

"You don't even know what I was going to say man…"

"Okay." Dean rolled his eyes already knowing exactly what Sam was going to say, going to suggest but playing along just the same.

"I saw an add for a physical therapist that looked like it might be worth checking out…"

"No" Dean repeated.

"Come on man, the add says he's one of the best in the country…" Sam approached the table carrying two plates of eggs and toast.

"I told you I don't need those quacks, I'm going to figure this out and get back on my feet my own way…"

"Dean." Sam began his eyes saddening. "Your muscles are already beginning to deteriorate and I know-"

"You don't know." His brother grunted just having put his first bite of egg into his mouth as he slammed his fork back on to his plate. "Damn-it why do you always do this?"

"Do what? I'm concerned about you that's all…"

"Well don't be alright? I'm fine… Everything is fine, Everything is going to be fine! I'll figure it out…Now can we please just have a normal breakfast like every other family on the damn planet?"

Sam's head bobbed up and down his gaze staying on his brother's tense form across the table, the tension between the two of them so thick it was worse then an LA fog…

"Stop looking at me like that.." Dean grunted his own eyes now on his plate, his knuckles growing white as he re-gripped his fork.

Sam's head dropped and he closed his eyes a shutter engulfing his body as he went back to eating…


	2. Chapter 2

-1_I'm sorry that it took so long for me to continue, my gradfather passed on November 9th and we found out about it on the 12th so I had to take a little time to cope with things, even though we all knew it was going to happen, the doctors told us three to six months and here it was less then 2 weeks later and he was gone… But I'm alright now and so I shall continue…_

_Rosebud_

**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 2_

Sam helped his brother to bed before taking the small orange bottle of tranquilizers off of the night stand and opening it holding out two pills in his direction, "Here."

"I know the routine." Dean quipped and swallowed them down dry; "Thanks."

Sam nodded and pulled the blanket up for him before exiting the room, "I'll see you in the morning."

"I'll be here.."

"Or on the floor." Sam's voice almost sounded annoyed.

"Yeah, yeah, shut up."

Rubbing his hand over his chin, Sam exited his brothers room and closed the door making his way out to the sofa and sat down…

He knew by now that it was going to take exactly seventeen minutes for the tranquilizers to take effect and for his brother to fall into a dreamless, cold slumber, the only way his was able to get any rest at all these days without plaguing nightmares, and waking up in a cold sweat…

Memories of his 'accident' consuming his thoughts and making there way into his dreams.

Fingering his way through the latest issue of TV Guide Sam kept a close eye on the clock watching as the next seventeen minutes seemed to take years to pass by, he himself was completely exhausted, so tired his eyelids refused to fully open anymore, but there were still things that needed to be done, that he could not do while Dean was awake…

So finally as the clock struck one forty eight, Sam rose to his feet and tip toed to his brothers room carefully opening the door and peering into the darkness… Dean was asleep his arm tossed over his eyes, just as Sam knew he would be.

Quieter than a mouse in church the younger Winchester brother made his way toward Dean's bed and knelt down at the end of it carefully pulling the comforter off of his legs….

Sam swallowed down a gag, just as he always did, taking note of the small deteriorating legs before him, legs that less than four months ago were strong and powerful… muscular but were now weak and lifeless… like an infants.

He kneeled down and took the left first massaging it all the way from the tip of his toes to the ball of his heal and then as far up as his arms could reach before working his way down again…

He lifted it into the air and then back toward the bed, repeating this motion quite a few times before beginning to imitate a walking motion, bending at the knee and straightening it again over and over…

Dean never so much as stirred, he never did, why would he, as long as Sam was silent his brother would never even know he was there, he couldn't feel a thing from exactly six point four inches above his waist where the first bullet had entered his spine, to the tip of his toes, complete total paralysis… With only a four percent hope of recovery…

Sam had held on to that four percent hope for so long after the doctors had informed him of his brothers condition, he tried as hard as he could to be optimistic about it, after all this was Dean, his older brother, his hero… He was going to be just fine, he had to be alright…

But as time passed and reality set in, Sam knew his hopes were those of a fool and that Dean, the Dean he knew was never going to be returning again….

Even now, as he kneel here before his brothers sleeping form in the darkness a limp leg in his grasp. Even now as he made his way through the motions of physical therapy he had forced himself to learn, even now as he felt the small, weak muscles working there way through his fingers… His heart bled, hopeless and helpless.

When Dean was awake, Sam refused to let him see this side of him through, refused to let him know how little he believed in a recovery, and just how accepting he had become of the consequences for his actions….

But Dean, he knew Dean was not stupid, his brother had always been able to read him like a book, and he knew that Dean knew how he felt, from the guilt and the pain to the hopelessness that now resided in his heart… Bu it didn't stop his baby brother from trying to hide it from him, from trying to mask it with whatever emotion he could find….

And Sam had the right idea, avoid the subject at all costs, never talk about it… Never discuss reality, and maybe someday it will go away…

Rising to his feet, Sam replaced the blanket over his brothers legs and walked to the nightstand taking two pills for himself from the small bottle, after all Dean wasn't the only one having nightmares these days….

_ 3 Months 11 days and 6 hours earlier_

_Sam looked down at the wad of 20's in his grasp and smirked making his way back toward his brother who was sitting on the same barstool he had been three hours earlier when this whole façade had started, a pleased look written across his face…._

"_What did I tell you Sammy boy? It's as easy as pie…"_

"_Yeah, can we uh get out of here now though? I think I pissed them off…" He mumbled handing over half of the twenties in his grasp to Dean and finishing off the last of his second beer placing the empty glass on the bar top._

"_Relax man, what's the worse they are going to do? Beat you with their trucker hats?"_

_Sam looked over his shoulder at the two angry men glaring back at him, both of them gripping there pool sticks in the same death grip manner. "I guess, your right…"_

"_I'm always right, now have another beer… It's on them " Dean chuckled fallowing Sam's gaze to the two men._

"_You know Dean…" Sam looked to his brother retaking his seat next to him, "One of these days our luck in the whole hustling business is going to run out… And then what are we going to do?"_

"_So negative little brother…"_

"_I'm serious man…"_

"_Then, then we'll uh… Take up a demon hunter collections fund?"_

"_Funny…"_

"_Shut up, stop worrying and drink your beer."_

_Sam shook his head and did as he was told pretty sure that this was not the right time nor place to be having this conversation anyway considering his had just hustled over two hundred dollars out of dumb and dumber over there._

"_Hey Pretty boy." Both Sam and Dean turned around only moments later to see the two truckers, whose names were Al and Bob approaching them. Al was shorter then Bob, but what he lacked in height he sure as hell made up for in width…_

"_Who me?" Sam tried his best to look innocent as he pointed to his chest and cleared his throat._

"_Yeah you, Al and I have decided that we want our money back…."_

"_Yeah… We think we've been had…" _

"_Sorry there boys, better luck next time, there's a no refund policy around here." Dean smarted off pointing to the NO REFUND sign hanging above the bar._

"_Well give us a chance to make it back then…"_

"_You sure you want to take that risk boys…" Sam stood and popped his knuckles before stretching._

"_there's no threat see…" Al took a step in closer, close enough now that Sam could feel the quite ripe smelling man's breath hot on his neck his finger digging into his chest. "You're going to lose…"_

_Dean was to his feet in a matter of seconds the bar stool wobbling as he jumped up. "You wanna take a step back there Cledus?"_

"_You stay outta this one…" Bob grunted, "He's just given your boyfriend here a little talking to, that's all making sure he understands the rules."_

_Dean's lips turned into an evil and defying smirk as he nodded, "Alright…" His blood was boiling with anger and he brought his fist back swiftly before throwing it into the hefty man's jaw._

_Bob teetered like humpty dumpy, but unlike humpty dumpty he did not fall down… He staggered a few feet back and gripped his jaw, his eyes looking into Dean and burning with anger… "Your gonna pay for that one."_

"_I'm scared." Dean took a fighting stance using his fingers to signal for him to come on. _

_Sam groaned watching the last few seconds unfold and letting his gaze fall to the over sized man in front of him, I guess this meant it was fight time._

_His shoulders shrugged and he brought his own fist back before sending it piloting forward toward Al's face. "I hate fighting." He called out in Dean's general direction his brother now pinned against the bar by Bob's stomach the large man's hand around his neck…_

_Dean reached for the empty glass still on the bar top and swung it over the man's head causing him to immediately stumble and let go of the hold he had on Dean's neck._

"_I know, I know… But just remember you brought this one on yourself man, I was nearly innocent…"_

"_Nearly…" Sam mumbled under his breath taking another swing as Al lunged toward him, a crowd now having gathered around the four fighting figures…._

Present Day

The sun was bright and nearly nauseating as it peered in through Sam's window as his alarm went off… Bare Naked Ladies One Week blaring through his ears….

Swinging his arm over he pounded on the off button and grunted loudly sitting up and stretching, "What a welcoming song to wake-up to… That's what I get to have stuck in my head all morning??? .." He rose to his feet and slipped his sweatpants on over his boxers, "Fabulous."

Rolling his neck from side to side he made his way out of his room and to Dean's, opening the door and sticking his head in…

He was pleasantly surprised to find his brother still laying in bed reading a copy of Hustler magazine he kept under his pillow to keep himself entertained.

"You're up." He stepped the rest of the way in,

"Yes Dad, and I even waited for you to come and carry me… like a good boy."

Sam sighed and shook his head, "I know I'm surprised…"

"Well I figured I gave you enough trouble yesterday… So maybe tomorrow…."

"Thanks…."

-After breakfast and the dishes were done Sam made his way toward the small front room of their living quarters and stood in the door way Dean was doing the same thing he did everyday sitting in front of the television ignoring reality and losing himself in some horrible game show he found on one of their stolen cable channels.

"You know there was a time when you hated day time tv… Remember that?"

"Yeah well maybe I should go for a nice jog instead eh?"

"Funny…" Sam exhaled defeated, "I'm gonna go take a shower, is there anything you need first?"

"I'm cool a cat…" Dean retorted dryly turning back to his program,

15 minutes to himself…. 15 minutes of pleasure, Sam relished his morning showers because for 15 minutes nothing and no one was going to bother him… And of course for that same reason he feared them as well… What ifs would plague him from the moment the water started until it stopped again… What if Dean needed something, what if Dean called for him, what if Dean….

He stripped his clothes off and turned the hot water on as far as it would go before climbing in , the steam from the temperature quickly engulfing him, he welcomed every hot stinging droplet against his flesh as he closed his eyes and kept them closed, relaxed almost instantly.

As the next commercial break hit Dean grunted his throat exceedingly dry from the burnt toast and bacon of the mornings breakfast, leaning down he released the break on his chair and made his way toward the kitchen….

Pulling up to the sink he noticed that the small drain board was cleared out, the sink was empty… His head tilted up looking at the cupboard, far out of his reach….

"Damn-it…" He growled loudly and ran a hand through his hair,

He looked toward the still closed bathroom door and swallowed, he should wait for Sam, he should be out in a few minutes,… He could get him a cup… And the water too if he just asked for it….

Dean shook his head defiantly, "What am I a child? I can do this…" He snarled and leaned down putting the brake on once more…

He ignored the trembling of his hands as he undid his own seat belt and leaned down removing the straps from his legs and sliding them off there holders moving the small peddle like objects out of the way with his hands.

He inhaled and then exhaled loudly looking up once more, all he would have to do is balance himself on the counter top long enough to reach up with one hand and get the damn cup

"Piece of cake.." He groaned and put his hands on the counter his arm muscles thankfully still stronger then ever….

"One…. Two.. Three…" He whispered to himself before pushing himself up on his arms and out of his confinements…

"Shit…." He could feel the burn in his arms beads of sweat forming instantly on his forehead….. His lower body dangling like a weed below him as he looked down his eyes catching sight of his legs "Useless, Damn useless pieces of shit…" He growled and then tilted his head back up to focus on the task at hand….

Suddenly he was more thirsty then ever….

He nearly jumped, or he would have if he wasn't concentrating so hard on the task at hand when he heard the sound of his wheelchair toppling over, he figured he must have only been out of it for a few seconds, even though it felt like hours had passed, and the force of him pulling himself up had somehow knocked it over.

"DAMN-IT" He cursed breathing heavily.

What the hell was he supposed to do now? He felt the sweat pouring from his hands making his grip slipperier then ever he was going to hit the ground, hard… probably smash into the metal hell beast below him and break a few limbs while he was at it…. And there was nothing he could do about it…. No way he could stop it….

Hearing the commotion Sam shut the water off and listened carefully for a minute before stepping out and sliding his boxers back on to his soaking wet body he opened the bathroom door and shock filled his body at the sight before him, dean dangling like a rag doll from their kitchen counter top even from there Sam could see the sweat bathing him, his body slowly slipping….He darted forward and across the kitchen in less than a second he was standing behind his brother his arms wrapped around his waist…

Dean had just let go his body falling toward the ground when he felt strong arms around his body keeping him up right and he knew who it was who it had to be….

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Sam's voice was angry as he struggled to keep them both up. His slippery wet flesh making it all the more difficult.

"Let go of me." Dean's voice was hard , and just as angry…

"What Are you doing?" Sam repeated holding the helpless man in his grip.

"It doesn't matter alright… NOW LET GO!"

"No! What are you crazy?! You could of hurt yourself."

"Good."

"Dean…" Sam lowered his voice a little…

"You should of left me be…."

"That's never going to happen…I'm here and I'm not going anywhere else until we get you back on your feet again.,…"

"Yeah…. Right…."


	3. Chapter 3

-1_ 3 Months 10 Days and 20 hours Earlier _

_Sam's mind was spinning as he paced the small hospital waiting room, his stomach felt nauseated, his eyes burned with tears and it was all he could do to keep himself standing up right… This could not be happening, this was not happening, there was no way…._

_He looked down at his t-shirt and swallowed hard, his brothers blood still soaking his clothing, bright and red against the white cotton fabric… a blatant reminder that this really was real, this really was happening…_

_Dean had been behind those damn doors for over 8 hours now, in surgery fighting for his life, and all Sam could do was pace, pace the damn waiting room helplessly and wait for someone anyone to come out and tell him if his brother was even still alive, if he was going to be alright…_

_The fear, the thought of Dean not pulling through this was almost unbearable, unimaginable, the two of them had been through, had seen so much… That there was no way he wasn't going to survive right? There was no way he would leave him, not now, not like this…_

_But the blood, so much blood…_

_Sam rose to his feet as finally an older man who appeared to be no less than sixty walked toward him, still in the process of removing his hospital garb, Sam was the only one in the whole place at this hour so obviously he belonged to the young man on his operating table._

"_You the Family of Johnson son?" He asked kindly, and Sam nodded wearily trying to read the doctor's expression, trying to swallow the lump in his throat, and trying to prepare himself for whatever the hell was going to be said in the next few minutes._

"_I-I am. How's my brother doctor?"_

_The older man could obviously sense the uneasiness and fear radiating from the boy standing before him as he reached out and placed a warm and comforting hand on Sam's shoulder, "We've managed to stabilize him…"_

_Sam felt as though his heart could finally beat again drawing in a deep and fulfilling breath before releasing it, but when the doctor didn't say anything else when no other words came toward him he felt panic beginning to rise up and rip through his insides…. "But…"_

"_I think we should sit down.." The man whose name tag read Doctor Reese led them both to two of the empty waiting room chairs and slid into one gesturing for Sam to do the same. _

"_Wh-what's going on…"_

_The doctor's eyes were soft and filled with pity, a sign that Sam did not like in the least as he turned to him, "We were able to remove the first bullet clean without any complications, the second though, is embedded into his spinal cord about six inches above his waist… it had fragmented, and I fear that if we remove it the consequences may be worse then we are already anticipating…"_

_Sam blinked and tried to digest the words coming out of Doctor Reese's mouth, they didn't make sense it was almost as though he were speaking a language that Sam couldn't understand a word of… "What-What are you saying?"_

"_We won't know how severe until your brother regains consciousness, but Mister Johnson, the impact of the bullets severed your brother's spinal column and with that bullet still inside… "_

"_He-He's gonna be alright…" Sam's voice was no more than a whisper as he shook his head, "You go in there, you do what you have to do, and you take the other bullet out you stitch him up and- and- and" The world was spinning his head was pounding. This was not happening._

"_I'm sorry, that's not how it works, your brother will without question experience Paralysis from the injuries to his spinal cord, how severe however we will not be able to determine until he wakes up… Removing the other bullet , could complicate the situation, and create further problems… I highly advise against it."_

_Sam just stared blankly at the old man for a long minute before placing his head in his hands and swallowing vomit down that had found it's way into his throat feeling his entire body shaking… "Ca-can I see him?"_

"_He is being moved currently to the ICU, and as soon as he is in his own room I will have a nurse take you back, it might be a good thing for you to be with him when he wakes up. Doctor Reese rose to his feet and frowned down at the younger man, "I'm sorry son, I wish I had better news for you."_

_-The next 18 hours went by in a blur as Sam sat patiently by his brothers side waiting for him to fully regain consciousness his only companion the beeping of the heart monitor that was attached to his brothers sleeping form…_

_Dean would come in and out every few hours, but his mind was so numbed by the cocktail of drugs in his system Sam was lucky if his brother even knew he was there let alone looked at him or gave any implication of coherency ._

_Sam was watching a the TV on the other side of the room silently unable to find sleep coming to him, not wanting to sleep when his brother's voice finally broke into the quiet room, it was somewhere around five thirty am the fallowing morning._

_Dean's eyes opened slowly his head feeling as though he had been hit by a semi as he groaned a little and closed his lids again frowning at the bright florescent light above him, blinding him… He could tell be the smell of antiseptic and the chill in the air exactly where he was. And he didn't like it in the least._

"_Your alright…" Sam whispered immediately diverting his attention to his brother and placing a warm hand on top of his, the one of course without the IV protruding from it…_

"_S-S-Sammy?" Dean's voice was horse his throat dry. _

"_I'm right here Dean, I'm right here."_

_Dean's lips curved into a frown as his brother's shaky voice became clearer, and the older Winchester knew he had been crying._

"_What's wrong?" Sam swallowed noting the frown on Dean's lips and rising from his chair to take a seat on the edge of his bed gripping his hand a little… "Dean open your eyes man, talk to me…."_

_Dean did as he was told and slowly opened his eyes his brothers haggard and tired face coming into view sure enough his eyes were still pink from the tears Dean knew he had been shedding. "Sammy I'm O-"_

_Dean's frown deepened as a tidal wave smacked into him, memories of the last thing he was awake for plowing into him and knocking the air from his lungs his face contorted in confusion and pain and Sam knew it was coming._

_Everything hurt, pain wracked his body from his head to his… His legs, his waist… Everything from there felt numb.._

"_Dean…" He could hear his brothers voice, he could hear the sound of his heart monitor racing, but none of that mattered as he shook his head quickly and fought against his own fatigue and nausea to sit up, he was going to get up he was going to get out of here this was not happening… He felt something pressed firmly against his chest._

_Watching As his brother's body shot up Sam felt the tears come once more to his eyes and he placed a forceful hand on his chest to ease him back down.. "DEAN!"_

_The older man blinked a few times to weak to fight against his brothers strength he allowed himself to fall back limply on the pillow his own eyes beginning to water he looked to Sam for answers… "I-I something it wrong Sam…"_

"_It's okay," Sam repeated trying to keep his voice as even as calm as he could his eyes looking sympathetically into Dean's. "You were shot Dean, twice… In the back, and the…" Sam swallowed watching as the first tear fell from his heroes eye. "And the uh, the bullets they…"_

_Against his own numbness and his own pain Dean reached forward and put a hand on his brothers knee watching as he began to crumble mirroring Dean's own insides…_

_Everything about this felt unreal like a nightmare a horrible and vivid nightmare._

"_The bullets severed your spinal cord…. They, they were able to remove the first one, but the second… is lodged and… if they remove… if they remove it then, the consequences, you know they could be worse…"_

_Dean wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and drew in a deep breath forcing a pained smile to his lips, "Can't uh can't get much worse than this Sammy… Are you telling me, what I think your telling me?"_

_Sam nodded, the words never once crossing his lips, they couldn't, he couldn't say them, they hurt to much…_

_Dean shuttered inwardly and shook his head, trying to make sense of everything, "Sam?… Did you call Dad?"_

_Sam shook his head, the thought as odd as it may seem, had never crossed his mind, his only thoughts in the last eighteen and a half hours had been of his brother, he started to rise to his feet when his brother's grip on his arm stopped him.._

"_I-I'll go do it right now, I didn't think…"_

"_NO!" Dean shook his head and drew his lip into his mouth, "No-No he can't know."_

"_Dean, he's going to find out eventually…"_

"_No, I-I… Just promise me Sam"_

_All it took was for Sam to see the pleading sadness in Dean's eyes and his head bobbed slowly in agreement._

"_Okay Dean.."_

_The doctor who had been standing at the door watching the whole series of events unfold chose now to enter the room clipboard in hand and a kind gentle smile on his lips… _

Present Day

Sam looked over at his brother once again sitting there wasting away in front of the television, he could tell by the look of disgust on his face that he was not enjoying whatever the hell he had found to stare at this time…. But he would sit there, sit there and stare none the less…

The conversations between the two of them had become so short and so trivial that it pained Sam more than anything else about the situation, each one of them slowly closing off and shutting down for his own reasons.

Sam because of guilt, knowing that this was all his doing, knowing that he blamed himself and that somewhere deep down Dean had to blame him too… It made it hard enough to keep functioning let alone be any resemblance to the man he once was, he never smiled anymore, never laughed… nothing.

And Dean, well Dean was shutting of because he was now worthless, he had failed, failed as a hunter, as a man, as a human being, but more so than anything else he had failed as a brother, his own guilt was knowing at him, how was he going to protect Sam from in this damn chair? What good was he now to anyone? To Sam?

The sound of the phone ringing penetrated the nearly complete silence surrounding the both of them and Sam closed his laptop before rising to his feet… No one had this number here, they didn't give it out, there was no reason to…

They had shut off their cell phones and purposely didn't give this number to anyone anywhere, the Winchester brothers as far as the world was concerned, for the time being, had fallen off of the planet.

The two men shared a worried glance as Sam picked up the receiver Dean muting the TV's volume watching his brother intensely.

"He-Hello?" Sam cleared his throat and waited for a reply on the other end.

Silence.

"Hello? Who is this?" He tried again, he could tell the line wasn't dead from the sound of pool balls rustling in the background.

Dean frowned and took his brake off making his way toward Sam, "Who is it?" He asked even though he was sure from the responses his brother was giving, he didn't have a clue either.

"They aren't saying anything." Sam grunted

"Let me try." Dean reached out for the phone and sighed, "Hey… Who is this…"

No response was given to him either though his brows cocking up in annoyance his voice rose in volume.

"Listen Asshole, the phone is used for talking , so call back when you got something to say." He looked to Sam whose jaw was now nearing the floor and handed him the receiver which he would have slammed down on the cradle could it have been in his immediate reach. "Do the honors little brother."

Sam took the phone and slammed it down on to the hook before glancing back at Dean, "Safe to say they won't be calling again anytime soon."

"Good, they disturbed my programming."

"Very funny…"

"Hey, Family Feud is riveting TV…."

"I'm sure it is." Sam ran a hand over his face, "I need to go to the store for a few things, are you gonna behave, or should I lock you in the closet?"

"Sam I'm a big boy you know."

"Well, just don't do anything stupid alright?"

"Me?" Dean scoffed, "I'm the smart one.."

"Sure you are." Sam fished for the keys to the Impala and headed out the door, he hated leaving Dean there alone, but he knew that if he had drug him along his plans would be foiled and his brother would never agree to any of what he was about to do.

_So there you have it, as always thank you for your wonderful replies and please let me know what you think about this chapter as well!_


	4. Chapter 4

-1**_I know that my updates are not as frequent as you all are used to but with the holidays and everything I've been so busy so I apologize, but I will keep getting them out there as fast as I can. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you have the others, as always let me know what you are thinking, the good the bad and the ugly._**

_**Rosebud.**_

**Bar Fights and Bullets **

_Chapter 4_

Climbing out of the Impala, Sam made his way around and opened the back door pulling out two large boxes and flinging them over his shoulder, his stomach was nauseous and his insides were tangled, he knew that walking into his apartment, that doing this… Was going to piss Dean off, that things were only going to grow more intense now.

But it had to be done, Sam was sick and tired of sitting on the side lines and allowing his brother to waist away, sick and tired of watching him deteriorate and in his own way, wallow around in self pity… Something needed to be done, and maybe this… Was at least a start to that something.

He had been gone just over two hours when he pushed the door open having set the boxes down just outside the door. He was very not surprised to find Dean still sitting there like a mindless zombie in front of the television. Currently I love Lucy was flashing across the screen.

"Hey." He cleared his throat making his presence known as he picked up one of the boxes and brought it in.

"Where did you go shopping dude? In Africa? You we're-" Dean shifted his attention from the television and toward his brother cocking his head in curiosity at the large box Sam was currently setting on the carpet. "I guess the batter question is what the hell did you go shopping for?"

"Just a few things I felt we needed." Sam tried to sound innocent as he stepped back outside and retrieved the second box, the soft munch of his brother's chair wheels on the carpet made him fully aware that within a few seconds the screaming would begin.

"Lets just see what kinds of things…" Dean stopped in front of the large box and turned it around so that the label was facing him now. Vomit immediately found it's way into his wind pipe and anger into his soul at the picture staring back at him.

A man, a crippled and dilapidated man, was staring back at him hoisted up between two bars with some woman standing directly behind him, and this man, this… cripple was staring back at him with a smile, a smile as though he were proud to be so helpless, so inadequate.

**Therapeutic Apparatus And Parallel Bars **Was printed in bold black lettering above the stomach churning picture and Dean shook his head his jaw clenching as he shoved the box back into the wall hard, it had not come to this.

Sam was now standing in the doorway leaning against its frame the smaller of the two boxes tucked beneath his arms as he watched his brother intensely so angry so distraught, he was nowhere near the Dean he had been before… And Sam found himself wondering if he would ever be again.

He took a step in after a second purposely dragging his foot to make sure Dean heard his entrance and preparing himself for the words of pain and anger about to be thrown his way.

Dean turned swiftly and looked at Sam, no looked through Sam, his hazel eyes set on fire with disapproval his teeth clenched tightly, "Where the hell do you get off?"

"Dean." Sam set down the box with the leg braces and the standing device, before taking a step closer to his brother crossing his arms over his chest and trying to remain stern and strong. "You need this."

"I don't."

"You do, when are you going to accept what has happened and begin fighting like the brother I knew and not just some shell of who he used to be?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Dean wished he could stand up and thrust his finger into Sam's chest accusingly wished he could stare him directly in the eyes and scold him for this new I'm better than you attitude he seemed to be possessing, instead of having to look up at him like some inferior being. "You know I'm doing the best I can!"

"That's bull and you know it." Sam cut him off, "Your not trying at all, you wake up in the morning sit in that chair and watch TV all day and then go back to bed at night, you don't do anything, you've turned into nothing…" The last word trailed off and the minute it left his lips Sam was filled with regret as he bit down on his lip hard immediately seeing the pain come over Dean's features. _Be strong. _He told himself inside his head, knowing that as harsh as it sounded these things needed to be said.

"Well, it's nice to know how you really feel, you know Sam, no one told you to take care of me… I can take care of myself…"

"That's not what I meant and you know it, I just I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore, there are plenty of wheelchair bound people out there, who still make something out of themselves, have some sort of life, your wasting away and you don't even give a damn, and your forcing me to watch you let yourself go… it's killing you man."

"Like I said." Dean's eyes softened and he turned his chair around determined to end this conversation here and now, "No one is forcing you to stay here with your worthless and crippled brother."

"Oh no you don't." Sam growled and reached out holding the back handle bar tight, "Your not going to walk away from this that easy."

"I'm not going to walk anywhere man, that's the problem." The older Winchester purposely left his back to his brother, until Sam forced his chair around and crouched down so that they were eye level before speaking again his hands resting heavily on his brothers useless legs as he spoke.

"Then do something about it."

"Come on Sammy, you heard the doctor… four percent isn't really even a shot in the dark man."

"Let me help you."

"I don't need your help, I-I'll figure this out."

"Dean, let me help you."

"Sam, I don't need-"

"Yes you do, your not going to just get up and walk damn-it when are you going to realize that? This isn't just some bad dream your not going to wake up from this in a warm safe bed somewhere, this is reality and-"

"I KNOW!" Dean's face was suddenly nose to nose with his brother his breath hot words angry, "DIDN'T YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID BEFORE?…. I know…I'm not just going to get up and walk, I'm never going to walk again, alright, I realize that…" He locked his jaw and swallowed hard before Sam swore he saw tears form just below the surface of his brothers eyes as the rest of that statement flew from his lips. "I realize that Dean Winchester, your Dean Winchester is Dead alright, and I'm sorry Sam, I'm sorry I can't bring him back."

Sam felt weak, like his whole body had been suddenly drained as he looked down in defeat in sadness, his eyes catching sight of his trembling hands still resting on his brothers legs he balled them into fists and shook his head back and forth quickly a surge of power, and hope flying through his veins. "No… no…. no…" He repeated slowly

"Sam-" It was common knowledge that Dean hated anything that even resembled a chick flick moment, but there in the privacy of his own living room his brothers tense and shaking form before him he pushed his own feelings aside and rested a comforting and strong hand on his brother's shoulder wishing that he could ease not only his own suffering but that of his baby brother as well… "I-"

"I. said. No." Sam looked up determination filling his own dark and strong gaze as he looked at his brother his nostrils once more flaring, the number one sign that Sam Winchester was determined to do something, to fight, to make it happen.

Dean sighed softly and closed his eyes letting his hand fall limply to his lap, the hope and fight in his brothers eyes looking at him almost to much for the older man to bare, "Please Sammy-"

"You wanted out of that hospital, and against my better judgment and the doctors advice I took you out, you asked me not to tell dad… and again against my better judgment I didn't tell Dad, instead I helped you fall off the face of the planet and drag me with you, leaving the few people we know and love to believe that we are probably dead somewhere….

I did it all because you asked me to, hell I even began hunting again because you asked me to, I do everything that you want and need from me, with few questions asked… "

"And I'm grateful."

"Prove it…" Sam's words were cold, and sent a chill down what Dean could still feel of his spine, "Show me, fight for it… You're a warrior not some everyday run of the mill tail between your legs pansy… I did all those things for you, gave up my life to help you, now you return the favor and let me help you, fight Dean…"

Dean closed his eyes once more and swallowed, there was so much optimism in his brothers little speech that there was no way he could refuse no way he was going to win this fight, Dean might be stubborn as an Ox, but when it came to his older brother when it came to something he wanted, when he used that tone of voice, it didn't matter how stubborn Dean was, Sam was always going to win.

"Okay…" It was a single world and with it came the restoration of hope that Samuel Winchester had needed, the confirmation that despite his guilt ridden soul and the torture of his insides, all those emotions hiding just below the surface, he was doing the right thing…

This might be a fight they we're going to lose, but at least they would try…

"Good… Good… I've been reading up on this stuff and I've been checking into a few websites, I think we can handle it, you know…."

"You don't have to do this you know?" Dean whispered in one last attempt to scrap the idea,

"I want to, we're going to get you back on your feet…"

"It's a shame we can just find some Hoodoo priest again this time around…"

"We've cut it close to many times to count, and beside there's no such thing as a healer didn't we learn that with LeGrange? Some things have to be fought with will power man, not magic…." Sam made his way over to the boxes an opened one tipping it over and watching as metal and plastic pieces decorated their carpet in front of his feet.

"Well this is going to be fun." Dean smirked looking down at the pile, it was going to take them more then the rest of the day to put these things together, "I'd give anything for a good hunt… give me a black dog over a screwdriver any day." He mumbled.

- The hours on the clock ticked away as the two boys worked diligently to put together the foreign contraptions in front of them, not even stopping for a sandwich as they worked, a certain excitement had found it's way into the air, at the thought the mere thought of the chance that Dean could walk again…

Sam looked up for a moment and his eyes widened as he noticed a smile, a real smile pressed on his brothers face, something he hadn't seen in nearly four months. "Whatcha thinking about?" He asked tilting his head back down to appear as though he had not been studying his brother when Dean looked up from screwing together then two pieces he had been working on.

"Driving." Dean answered without hesitation, "driving down the road on the way to some new city preparing to kick some evil son of a bitches tail.."

Sam chuckled, that was probably the most honest answer his brother had ever given him about anything, and he could tell that by the widening of the older man's smile as he tilted his head up again and looked toward him, Dean's eyes had a far away fantasy like gaze over shadowing them…

"Soon enough bro, soon enough…"

"Yeah… Maybe." Dean shook himself back to reality and out of the clouds, back into the seat of his wheel chair and out of the front seat of the impala his smile fading back to a numb and in different frown.

Reality, it was harsh, but it was necessary to remember the facts, to keep himself grounded and not lost somewhere in the what ifs and the if only like he had almost allowed himself to do…

Sam took note of this sudden change and frowned a little going back to his own work the air once more silent around them.

A knock at the door a minute later stole both of there attention as Sam glanced to Dean and then toward the clock on the wall… It was Damn near six fifteen. "Must be Janice here to collect the rent." He offered up rising to his feet from his knees where he had been working on placing one of the last pieces of the Parallel bars together.

"She's a day early." Dean popped his neck and dropped the piece he himself had been working on deciding that if Sam got to take a break so did he.

"She's old. Maybe she thinks it's already tomorrow." Sam offered up before calling out in the direction of the door, "Just a minute."

He wiped his sweaty hands on a dish towel in the kitchen before reaching into his pocket and retrieving his wallet pulling out a wad of hundreds and counting out eight of them as well as one fifty. He had been applying for credit cards and then withdrawing as much cash as he could off them, it was the only way he knew they would get by.

Another knock.

"I said just a minute!" He made his way toward the door and looked to Dean who was looking back at him amused, "She's not only forgetful she's Deaf too." He snorted before opening the door;

His Jaw hit the floor, his heart stopping in his chest as he fought to find his voice, not a single word making it's way to his lips… This was not Janice.

Seeing his brother's shocked expression Dean frowned and leaned down taking his brake off before making his way cautiously toward the front door. "Sammy you alright?"

"Hiya Sammy." John Winchester felt an overwhelming relief wash over him as his youngest son stood only a foot away from him, appearing to be relatively unharmed, aside from the shock now engulfing his features.

Dean stopped cold just before reaching the front door swallowing hard as the familiar voice of his father filled his ears, the world around him began to spin…

"D-Dad…" Sam whispered his knees feeling weak as though they were only seconds away from giving out on him.

The older man nodded his brow cocking just as Dean's always did in suspicion as he once more looked his youngest son up and down, there were so many questions he needed answered, so many things he needed to tell them now that he knew they were safe but so far judging from Sam's reaction, there was definitely something they were hiding that he needed to figure out… Yet he hadn't even been invited in yet.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" He asked sounding almost hurt, "Where's your brother?"

"Dean? He's uh, he's…"

"Sam." His father's voice warned as he pushed past him into the house.

Sam watched as John's eyes landed on Dean still sitting there just beyond the entrance to the room, his hazel orbs studying his fathers for some sort of reaction, the gig was up. "Hey Dad…."

John stumbled backward a little at the sight of his eldest boy sitting there before, finding himself staring rudely at the contraption that appeared to be confining him, locking him up like some caged animal..

Even from where he stood feet away, john could see the deterioration of his son's legs under the jeans fitting loosely over his lower half, he tried to swallow the lump down in his throat, the anger the frustration everything he had felt before knocking on that door, before finally seeing his sons, was now gone, replaced by confusion and fear

Over a minute had passed and John was still standing silent in front of his son the slow blinking of his eyes the only indication that he was still alive, obviously in some sort of shock..

"It's not as bad as it looks…." Dean tried to sound optimistic, tried to keep his voice even as his father looked down at him eyes filled with pity and sorrow…

"Dad.." Sam whispered putting a hand on his father's shoulder. "Maybe you should sit down…"

Without warming John dropped to his knees the foot of Dean's chair and fought back tears trying to put all the pieces together, trying to comprehend what he was seeing as he reached out a shakey hand and placed it on Dean's knee still untrusting his voice to speak.

His eyes tore from Dean's as he looked at the legs beneath his grasp and swallowed hard, What kind of a creature, what monster had done this to his boy? How had a hunt gone this wrong? Why had he not been called…

Tears filled his eyes and began spilling over.

_I purposely left out the flashback, because the big one is coming next chapter, so I hope you enjoyed this and as always let me know what you are thinking…_


	5. Chapter 5

-1_Wow, the responses to chapter for were so amazing, thank you so so much… I tried to catch John's emotions as well as I could, seeing his strong warrior son so helpless without any warning… But I promise he is going to help and not hinder Dean's recovery, they are together now, they are a family and families are strongest when they have all the pieces in the same place._

_Anyway thank you so much for your wonderful feedback and I hope you like this next chapter just as much as the last I want to know everything you are thinking, the good the bad and the ugly._

_Rosebud._

**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 5_

Without warming John dropped to his knees the foot of Dean's chair and fought back tears trying to put all the pieces together, trying to comprehend what he was seeing as he reached out a shakey hand and placed it on Dean's knee still untrusting his voice to speak.

His eyes tore from Dean's as he looked at the legs beneath his grasp and swallowed hard, What kind of a creature, what monster had done this to his boy? How had a hunt gone this wrong? Why had he not been called…

Tears filled his eyes and began spilling over.

His eldest son's own hand trembled as he brought it up to rest on his father's shoulder a small sigh escaping his lips. This was exactly why he didn't want his father to know, exactly why he forced Sammy not to tell him, exactly why they were in hiding, because at this moment right now Dean felt like more of a let down then he ever could.

He knew his father was disappointed, afraid, worried, heart broken and those were all emotions that Dean could not bare to know he caused. John was the best hunter out there, he was strong enough to face and fight anything, stronger then almost every man twice his size, but Dean, his son had managed to break and destroy him and he didn't even have to say a word to do it.

John fought to compose himself his mind now swimming with a whole new set of questions as he drew in a deep breath and forced his eyes from his sons frail and almost emaciated looking legs back to his face. Father's eyes met sons and the whole world froze a pain filled gaze locking the two of them there.

Each man's eyes speaking volumes in there own way as Sam stood by and watched the seen unfold before him leaning back against the side wall, in all honesty this was going a lot better then he thought it was going to….

John forced himself to swallow down the fifty pound lump currently residing in his throat, his suddenly dry and cracked lips parting forcing a single word out between them in Dean's direction.

"How?"

_ 3 Months 11 Days, 5 hours and 40 minutes earlier. _

_Sam and Dean both stood triumphantly over Bob and Al's defeated and only semiconscious forms on the floor, even with their size and girth, the Winchester brothers had tore them down and took them out without much trouble… Dean doing so with only one useable arm ._

"_Next time you pick a fight with someone you might want to make sure you can throw at least one decent punch their way before they wipe the floor with you." Dean hissed looking down into their hillbillie, nearly toothless faces, before finishing off his beer and slamming the glass down on the bar top along with a few large bills looking toward the bartender who was now staring at awe at the four men along with everyone else in the bar. "That should help with the damages, y'all have a good night now ya hear?."_

"_Let's go Sammy." He chuckled stepping over the two large bodies Sam fallowing right behind him. "I think we've had enough fun for one night."_

_The night air was cold and bitter against their flesh as the two boys stepped out of the small town bar, but it was a welcomed chill due to the fact that both of them were sweating profusely from their recent activities… Beating up bullies as easy as it might be was still quite the bit of exercise._

"_I'm sorry about that man, I guess I shouldn't smart off so much next time."_

"_Don't worry about it. There's nothing like a good beat down to get the old blood pumping anyway." Dean glanced over and a smirk danced on the corner of his lips, "So now there is going to be a next time?"_

_Sam's shoulder's shrugged and out of the corner of his eye he saw the smirk on his brother's lips causing his own to form, Dean's smirks were always the infectious kind… "What?"_

"_Admit it, even with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb Trying to take us on you had a good time tonight…"_

"_Alright, so maybe.,… You know it wasn't that bad… I mean your right hunting isn't exactly a Hollywood career with an overwhelming paycheck and we need to make our money somehow…" Sam allowed hiis smirk to turn into a chuckle as he drew his lip into his mouth, "And besides if all of our 'victims' Are as dumb and ignorant as those two then thy deserve what's coming to them,"_

"_Don't call them victims Sammy you make them sound innocent or something… Makes me feel bad."_

"_Nothing makes you feel bad." The two boys were only inches away from the Impala now as Dean reached into his pocket retrieving his keys._

"_That's not true I-" _

_Dean's words were silenced by the loudest gun shot either boy had ever heard, and they had heard a lot of gun shots…_

"_What the hell was that?" Sam spun around quickly to see Bob and Al Standing feet away from them, the barbell of a hunting rifle pointed in their direction still smoking from it's tip as a result of the before heard shot fired..._

_Sam's dark eyes went wide, everything started to move in slow motion as he zeroed in on Al's finger watching as he began to press down on the trigger. _

_A strong and solid force knocked him out of the way before he could even think to react on his own his eyes shutting tight as he was hurled toward the ground hard something heavy now laying across his chest._

_Fighting to catch his breath Sam opened his eyes and the sight that was waiting for him took the air he had just fought so hard to consume right from his lungs._

_The object laying across his chest, was no object at all…._

_Dean was blinking slowly looking at him and Sam already knew by the look on Dean's face what had happened… He was already as pale as snow his hazel eyes growing darker and darker by the second as he parted his lips and tried to speak._

"_Sammy…."_

_Sam felt tears well immediately into his eyes, and he forced himself not to cry, forced strength into his bones, he hadn't even been able to assess his brothers injuries yet._

"_I'm here Dean… I'm right here…" He whispered slowly and carefully he sat up bracing his brothers body against him with one hand trying to not to move him to much until he figured out exactly where he had been shot… Where this ever growing pool of blood was coming from. _

_The noises of the background were dull as Sam fought to keep himself conscious his world flying into a tailspin as he clutched his brother's body to him and gently rose to a sitting position._

"_Sammy…." Dean's whisper was consumed by a choke now as the younger brother's tear blurred vision searched desperately for the entrance wound of the bullet he knew was now lodged somewhere inside his brother's body, stealing his life from him second by second._

_But Sam couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, he just couldn't… No he had to…_

_It was then that his eyes landed on the source of the thick red pool surrounding then two of them, practically bathing Sam as he still held his brother's now trembling form in his grasp._

_Slowly, fearfully he moved his hand down his brother's back, his flesh began shaking… "I'm right here Dean.." He swallowed hard when his hand ran over not one but two holes.. _

_He pressed down on them as hard as he could and when his brother didn't so much as flinch, when he didn't scream in agony, Sam felt his strength, his façade break…._

"_You stay with me Dean, You hear me? You Say with me…."_

"_C-C-Cold…" Sam watched his eyes beginning to role back into his head_

_He could hear commotion, someone was calling 9-1-1, which meant the ambulance was coming, there were footsteps lots of footsteps approaching him and his brother as they still lay in the middle of the parking lot but Sam paid no attention to the sets of eyes now watching them now gawking at them…_

"_There on their way son," He heard an older man whisper into his ear, his voice coming through as though he were in some kind of tunnel, "We didn't let them get away… There inside…."_

"_DEAN!" Sam's voice was demanding as he placed a hand on Dean's cheek and shivered at how cold his flesh was his lips were tinted a deadly blue. "Open your eyes Damnit, Open your eyes Dean…."_

_No response._

"_DEAN!! DON'T YOU DO THIS YOU FUCKER…." Sam held tighter to the body in his grasp, to his brothers body, pressing it against himself and trying to feed life into it burying his face into the older man's sandy blonde nearly brown mane he began sobbing, and he didn't give a shit… The sound of ambulances approaching hardly audible to his ears.._

"_Don't leave me… please don't leave me…" He wept uncontrollably… "I won't let you… " Even as he felt a hand pulling him back a swarm of paramedics surrounding him, he continued to cry and to plead…._

_His brother, his hero had fallen, and Sam knew that if his brother died his own life would be over._

Present Day

John blinked repeatedly and Swallowed fast the three of them now sitting around the small kitchen table of the apartment, he was trying to control the emotions over taking him, trying to keep the tears from coming and he was failing….

To think about Dean, about both his boys going through a pain like that… So ruthless, so evil… And at the hands of a human, a flesh and blood soul having human….It made his insides boil in ways he didn't know they could, it made his anger rise to new heights and it made him wish that murder was legal… He would take the life of both those men if he could, rob them of their freedom just as they had his son…

But no, revenge was not the plan, revenge was not even going to come in to this equation. Dean, Dean was all that mattered, he needed to be there for his son, to help, to encourage and to love him like he should have been from the beginning of this whole ordeal…

The older man let his eyes fall to his youngest son and he licked his dry lips trying to moisten them before speaking,… "You should have called me, something like this happens you call you don't just change your cell numbers, stop checking in with Pastor Jim and make us all think that you are out there laying in a ditch dead somewhere. I should have been-"

"Dad. Don't." Dean's voice was an order and not a request as he saw the pain already beginning to build in Sam's eyes, "I told him not to call you. Sam had nothing to do with this, He wanted to call and I told him not to."

"You what?" The pain was evident now more than ever in john's words having to take in so much at once… First finding out his son took not one but two bullets to the spine and might never walk again, and now, now finding out that he didn't want his father to know? Didn't want him there to help? Didn't need him??

"I-I didn't want to worry you…" It was a half truth anyway… The answer I didn't want you to know I let you down and I failed you, didn't seem to fitting for the moment.

"Dean, for Christ sakes, you are my son, and I'm going to worry about you no matter what especially if you seem to disappear out of thin air."

"How- how did you find us anyway?" Sam asked getting up to grab the coffee pot and glancing back over his shoulder before returning to fill all their cups.

John smirked only in the slightest, "You two think your sly enough to get past your old pop? Nothing gets past me… I set up alerts with most of my contacts giving them a list of Aliases, and I told them to watch anyone who pops up with these names…." He paused for a minute, "Jack contacted me last week, I was in Utah hunting down a Wilabeast… He said that Sam Johnson had registered for an apartment here…"

"That's a common name. I mean it's not exactly Samsonite Pangatova…" Dean chuckled.

"Samsonite Pangatova" Sam's brow rose, "Where the hell do you come up with these thoughts? Do you have to work for them or do they just appear?"

"Your just jealous because your not that creative…"

"Yeah whatever dude," Sam looked back to his father, "Anyway… So how did you find out?"

"Well… Jack also told me that there was a Dean Johnson who had been checked into the local hospital a few months back…. So I figured it was worth a shot. I tracked down the phone number here to the apartment and when I rang it this morning…"

"That was you?" Dean felt his cheeks redden remembering the things he had said into the receiver…

John nodded.

"Oh sorry…"

"You didn't know… Besides it's good to know your still looking out for yourselves that even… you know…. Your still watching your backs."

"You taught us that, no matter what the situation is or how safe you think you might be, you have to stay alert, you always have to be ready…."

John's gaze found it's way over to Sam now and he took a good hard look at his youngest son, there under the lights it was as though he could see everything… He was so tired so haggard, it was as though he had aged twenty years since the last time John had seen him, and there was pain, unspeakable pain written behind his eyes….

"Sammy?" His voice was even and low as he reached over and placed a hand on his shoulder, there was still something Sam was hiding from him, still something he didn't know…. "are you alright?"

"Fine…" Sam whispered rising to his feet and clearing his throat as he looked up at the clock, it was almost eleven thirty now, the hours since their father had arrived seeming to fly by as though they were only minutes… Minutes filled with more emotion and pain then anyone should ever have to deal with…

John looked to Dean who gave him a sad and worried glance in return shaking his head ever so slightly, but he decided that now… Tonight was not the time to push the issue so much… so many wounds had already been opened he didn't think any of them could handle more pain right now.

There was always tomorrow, tomorrow to get inside Sam's head, tomorrow to find out more about Dean's condition.. Tomorrow to return to being the father they needed once more.

_Alright so there you have it, I'm not to sure how I feel about the way it came out but I hope you as the readers like it, this was obviously from Sam's point of view of the accident there will be Dean's as well coming soon enough._


	6. Chapter 6

-1_I haven't updated in a few days because I wanted to give this next chapter a lot of thought so that it would come out just the way I see it playing out in my head. I thank you all so much for your wonderful feedback on chapter five, as you know that is what encourages me to keep writing… So that being said, I hope this chapter is just as enjoyable for you and remember to let me in on your thoughts, the good the bad and the ugly._

**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 6_

"Close the door." Dean whispered over his shoulder as Sam wheeled him into the bedroom, their father watching them from the sofa the volume on the television nothing more then a faint whisper.

"Dean…"

"I said close the damn door." Dean's voice rose only in the slightest as he cleared his throat, the last thing he wanted was for his father to be forced to watch him being lifted into bed like some incapable child, cared for like some imbecile.

Sam sighed heavily and went to the door peering out and giving his father an apologetic shrug before closing the door blocking the two boys inside, in privacy.

John frowned deeply shifting his head back to the television, even though he was not actually watching the images flashing before his eyes, there were to many thoughts to many questions overwhelming his mind for him to concentrate on anything else at the moment.

He wanted to be in there, he wanted to be helping his sons, but he knew exactly why the door dividing them was closed… Dean had never been one to show weakness, vulnerability, especially not in front of his father, he had to keep up his one man game of charades, he had to appear strong and warrior like in John's eyes no matter how bad the situation really was, and John knew he was going to have to find a way in on his own.

Into Dean's head, into his pain, and into his recovery, otherwise he was going to be useless in this whole mess.

Looking toward the nearly finished therapy equipment John rose to his feet and stretched before heading over and kneeling down picking up a screw driver and the instruction booklet. Before his demon hunting days he was quite the handyman around the house… So if he could do nothing else for the time being, if he could be of no other help… At least he could fix these metal pieces together, if he couldn't fix his son just yet.

Tears began to slip from his eyes.

Stepping from Dean's room Sam stood in the door way leaning against it slightly and crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes fixed on his father's form a few feet in front of him, crouched down and concentrating on the apparatus in front of him. Even from where he stood Sam could see the redness of his fathers cheeks, the glistening of his few sorrow filled tears resting on them and the pain radiating from his body.

He slowly and quietly made his way across the room, his heart growing heavier and heavier with guilt with each step he took he kneeled down next to the older man and placed a hand on his back.

"It's ok Dad…" He whispered hesitantly, not to sure how his father would take to his presence, Dean and John were far to similar in that aspect of themselves, they hated showing weakness, hated tears, they were strong and fearless…

To his youngest son surprise John didn't pull away, didn't grunt or flinch he just dropped the tool from his left hand and brought it up placing it over his son's with a small nod.

"We're really okay…" He continued gently feeling a small squeeze against his flesh.

"I-I'm sorry Sammy…" He finally whispered after a moment tearing his eyes from the project before him and gazing toward his youngest son his eyes red with un-cried tears. "I should have been here,… Not only for your brother but for you, you shouldn't have to be dealing with this on your own."

"No Dad…" Sam shook his head cutting him off, "You had no way of knowing what was going on, Dean refused…"

"I should of picked up on it sooner Sam, I should of known something was wrong and come looking for you, not waited months and months while letting someone else fallow up on my leads. You boys needed your father and I was to busy wrapped up in myself, in my own selfish revenge to realize-"

"Your hear now." Sam swallowed hard, "That's all that matters."

"I've made a decision Sammy." John rose to his feet and ran a hand through his hair and over his facial hair. "No more hunting… At least not for now, until your brother is well, I'm here and I'm not leaving you boys."

Sam's eyes widened a little. "Dad, the Demon is still out there, and-"

"That doesn't matter, I lost your mother, and losing her was the worst feeling in the world… I'm not going to risk losing you boys too. We will pick up the fight after we know your brother is alright, and after your alright."

"I'm fine dad-"

"That's bull shit Sammy and you know it, I can see right into you… Your no where near alright-"

"But-"

"You never should have had to take care of him on your own like this."

"He's my brother, it's my job."

"No. You're my sons and it's my job" John's face went stern in the blink of an eye, "There will be no more discussing this… And that's an order."

"Yes sir." Sam nodded before a small ironic smirk twitched at the corners of his mouth.

"What is it?"

"We're a family again…" Sam whispered thinking back to not so long ago when Meg had summoned the Deva's and Dean had confided in him near tears how all he wanted was his family together, all he wanted was for things to be like they used to. "Just like Dean wanted…"

John didn't say anything , he simply gave a slight nod in response before making his way toward the small kitchen and getting a bottle of water from the fridge.

There were a few minutes of silence, comforting silence between the two men before John finally spoke making his way back to the mass of metal and plastic on the floor and taking a seat next to where Sam now sat working.

Hesitation was evident in his voice as he spoke now glancing in Sam's direction through the corner of his eye. "How is he really…"

"He's al-"

"Sam, how is he really?" John didn't want to hear, he's alright, he's fine or he's okay, he wanted the truth, and since he knew Dean was not going to give it to him, he had to go to the next best plan. Sam.

Sam rolled his neck from side to side and sighed softly clearing his throat, if Dean knew what he was about to say he would definitely get a shin ramming for this.

"He's deteriorating…." The young man drew his lip into his mouth, before releasing it again "Mentally and physically… He won't leave the house anymore, he won't let me help him, It was only today that he agreed to this equipment, he keeps telling me he'll figure it out on his own… But I know I know that he's given up. He doesn't talk about it, you know what happened that night… He's like this… this shell of my brother, he just sits in front of the tv and wastes away…"

John felt his heart breaking even more as he watched tears forming in Sam's eyes, he knew those tears because he felt them too, tears of anger, tears of helplessness, and pain… "He'll be alright Sammy… We're gonna make sure of it…"

Now it was Sam's turn to give only a nod in response as he stood up. "It's late… I think we should work on this more in the morning, you can take my room and I'll take the couch…"

"No." John shook his head a little, "I'll take the couch, believe me son I've slept on worse."

"I dunno about that, she's a pretty old thing."

"Good night Sammy." His father's voice had once again taken on that tone filled with finality leaving no room for argument.

"Good night Dad." Sam had made it almost to his room when he turned on his heels and faced his father once more. "I'm glad you're here."

John offered a half smile which was all that he could muster up at the moment, "Get some sleep son."

- When Sam awoke the next morning his father was already up sitting at the dinning room table, looking through the stacks of bills and fraudulent credit card applications, thousands upon thousands of dollars in medical bills sat before him like those of a person three times the age of his son's. The smell of fresh coffee lingering in the air.

He was currently looking at a bill for just under three grand from the local hospital when he heard the soft carpet rustling of approaching feet and looked up to see Sam approaching the clock on the wall reading eight thirty four.

"Mornin' sleepy head."

"Morning." Sam mumbled making his way toward the coffee pot, he had already peeked in on dean who was still fast asleep, and he knew he had at least fifteen minutes to himself before their day would begin.

After making himself a cup of coffee he headed toward the table where his father currently sat and took the seat across from him eyeing the bills he had obviously been studying and cleared his throat wiping his eyes, "Don't worry about those I got them handled."

"I can see that." John smirked, "You and your brother have become quite the credit card fraud master minds…."

"We had an amazing teacher." Sam could tell by the bags gracing the underneath of his fathers eyes that he had slept little if at all the previous night, but decided not to press the matter.

" When your brother wakes up… I think we're going to head out for a little while give you some time to yourself."

As much as the simple statement seriously appealed to him Sam shook his head almost instinctively, "I told you he's not one to leave the house."

"Yeah well that's about to change, he needs to get out, and you need some time with yourself."

Sam frowned a little, "Dad I'm fine really, I'm used to-"

"I know, but everyone can use a little me time once in a while, besides I told you already that he needs to get out."

"It's a lot of work to take him somewhere."

"I'll handle it."

- Per Dean's request, Sam had loaded him into the minivan they were currently sporting, glancing over at the impala beside it for only a second he tore his eyes away, it was to painful… it hurt to much to remember that car, the times he had spent driving it, the ridiculous love he had for such a beautiful yet inanimate object, and how much he longed to sit inside her once again and press his foot to the gas peddle making her purr….

"I still hate you both for this…"

"Dad's orders, he said he needs some one on one with you…" Sam grunted lifting Dean's chair in to the back of the van.

"How much did you tell him?"

"What makes you think I told him anything…"

"Because I know you, and the mountain of worry you bury yourself under, all he's got to do is ask and you spout off like a busted fire hydrant."

"I do not!"

"Whatever dude."

Sam shook his head making his way back inside just as John was emerging from the bathroom in a fresh t-shirt and jeans, "He ready?"

"Yeah, the chairs in the back. He's really not happy about this you know?"

"Well, that's to damn bad," John held his hand out for the keys Sam was extending toward him, "You try not to have to much fun while were gone…"

Climbing into the van John smiled toward his eldest boy who simply stared back at him in return a look that if looks could kill would probably give the older man quite the heart attack… "I didn't know that spending time with your old man was so painful for you…"

"It's not that," Dean only allowed his face to soften a little looking back out the windshield seeing Sam watching them from the door way as they pulled out.

"Well then what is it?"

"Nothing." Dean grunted a reached for the radio flipping it on, at least the soccer mom mobile had a decent sound system as Blue Oyster Cult came blasting through the speakers.

John tore his eyes from his son and back to the road a head of him, allowing, for now at least, a wordless presence to come between them.

He pulled into the local Denny's parking lot and shut off the engine looking over toward Dean who was now looking at him in surprise.. His father had not told him where they were going, but this, well this was not one of the many thought's that had crossed the younger man's mind during the short trip. "What are we doing here?"

"Breakfast." John chuckled and opened his door.

"Why?"

"Because I'm hungry." He paused, "And because it gives your brother a little time to himself which judging from what I saw last night he really needs right now."

Dean closed his eyes momentarily and jumped nearly three feet when he heard John's door closed, he could picture him walking around the front of the van and approaching the back sliding door, hearing it pull open he cringed inwardly… This was humiliating.

John pulled the chair down from the back of the van his own palms sweating just a little as he set it down unable to help the look of disgust on his face, such a confining and inhuman beast this contraption was.

He opened his son's door and stood there for a second Dean's eyes opening and looking toward his father. A sadness hidden inside them that was gut wrenching, John had seen this done before countless times in the movies, but that wasn't real it was Hollywood, this was life…

"Um, You- uh… You have to lift me…" Dean tried to keep his voice steady his insides churning with embarrassment as he undid his seat belt.

John nodded and leaned in lifting his son from the passengers seat one hand under his knees and the other on his back, Dean's hands flung shakily around his neck…

And for a brief moment, John was no longer in the present day… He was far away long ago in a memory…

_ January _ 24th _1983. _

_Dean's 4th birthday had been a success, all the children from the neighborhood had attended which was not a surprise at all to either one of his parents, he was the most popular kid on their block, just ask him and he would tell you._

_And being the most popular kid on the block this also meant that he had to have the coolest toys as well, which was the reason he was now riding down the street on a brand new red tricycle as John and Mary, who was currently five months pregnant with their second child, stood on the porch watching with pleased smiles across their faces._

"_He's growing up so fast." Mary whispered toward her husband placing a hand on her stomach, "He's going to make a wonderful big brother."_

_John simply smiled and slid his arm around his wife's shoulder kissing the top of her head, "There is no doubt in my mind."_

_John's face turned from pleasure to fear in a matter of seconds as he watched the small red tricycle carrying his son topple over into Mrs. Redman's rose bushes next door, sending his son's heart breaking and loud sob's into the evening air._

_Before Mary could think to react John jumped from the porch and ran to his son scooping his sobbing pint size form into his arm's._

_His knee's and elbows were scrapped up lightly from the falls as Dean felt the warmth of his father's chest against him and his cries softened hugging his small arms around his father's torso._

"_Your okay Dean, your okay son… Daddy's here…" John soothed kissing the top of his head._

"_It hurt me daddy… it hurt me…" The little boy cried pulling back and looking down with evil eyes at the red tricycle still laying tipped over in the neighbor's rose bushes. "Stupid Bike! I don't wanna ride it no more… It hurted me!"_

"_It's okay Dean…" John looked to Mary who was now standing only a foot or so behind him figuring her husband had the situation handled offering her knowing small smile before leaning down and lifting the bike up with the hand not currently holding his son. _

_He carried his son and the evil tricycle toward the house with his wife on their heels , it was time to clean up his little boys wound's from the tricycle war…. That however was always mommy's department._

John's face was a mixture of loss and longing as he stared off into space his forehead creased with wrinkles from the images in his mind, the video placed there.

"You alright dad?" Dean frowned up at his father as he was set in his chair pulling John from his memories just as quick as he had fallen into it…

His four year old son in his arm's protected by his grasp, was once again 27, but just as vulnerable as he had been that day in the yard, even if he fighting not to show it.

' _Your okay Dean, Your Okay son, Daddy's here.' _He heard his own voice ring through his head but fought to keep the words from his lips settling for a nod instead he cleared his throat and shook his head forcing himself completely back to the here and now… "Yeah. I'm fine, just hungry…"

Dean nodded, not buying his fathers excuse for a second, that was not a look of hunger, that was a look of pain, a look that Dean knew he had caused. "Yeah. Alright."


	7. Chapter 7

-1_Thank you thank you for your wonderful replies, as I have said countless times it is for you guys that I keep this angst goodness flowing. I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much!!! Remember to review and let me know what your thinking!_

**Bar Fights & Bullets**

_Chapter 7_

Eyes. Eyes were burning into Dean, staring and gawking as they made there way into the restaurant which to the wheelchair bound man felt far to small and cramped. He swallowed hard, everyone was looking at him like he was some circus attraction, at least that's how it felt as he bowed his head deciding the carpet was a much less judgmental thing to look at.

John took note of the reaction both from his son and the people currently residing inside. He drew his lip between his teeth as Dean's head dropped lower and a small soundless sigh came from his mouth, he knew that Dean hated attention like this, he hated feeling different in this way… But he also knew that his son could not live the rest of his life locked inside that apartment like some caged animal hiding and being protected from the world.

He knew that Dean was making it out in his head to be worse than it was, because he knew his son better than anyone on this planet including himself. He knew that Dean felt like this whole room was focusing on him, their eyes watching his every move fixed continuously on his imperfection.

And there were a few sets of wondering eyes, pitiful stares and apologetic expressions currently being tossed not only Dean's way but john's as well, as if to say, we are so sorry that you have to live with… Have to take care of someone like that…

Clearing his throat however John said nothing to these people as they passed by their ignorance far to much for him to even acknowledge them, instead he simply settled for a stare vengeful enough to murder, letting his eyes do the talking before sliding into the booth and softening them immediately as he gazed toward his eldest boys obviously uncomfortable and nervous form.

"We're just here to eat breakfast like everyone else son." He lamely attempted to ease his mind, but the truth be told, John knew there was nothing even he could say to make this feel any better, that this was something Dean was going to have to cope with, have to work past and learn to deal with on his own.

"I know." Dean never so much as cast his glance upward as he opened his menu and shifted his eyes to read the pages in front of him, even though suddenly his stomach was in so many knots he found himself far less than hungry.

"What can I get for you boys today?" A young, sweet voice was the next thing that Dean heard and he let his still down cast eyes wonder over slightly coming into contact with a pair of beautiful, tanned, toned, young stems… A smile played on the corners of his mouth as he slowly gave her the once over… Very slowly.

To Dean Winchester there was nothing more beautiful then a woman, the way their bodies seemed to fit so perfectly next to his, the way they smiled so sweetly at him as though he were the only thing they could see… Everything about them was just magnificent.

So As his eyes now came to rest on her breasts only a second or two away from her face, Dean had forgotten about everything. Everything that had happened to him up until this moment, the last few months passing him by in a blur, he was lost once more in a gorgeous woman's form placed before him like a delectable and delicious French desert his for the taking… and he couldn't wait to bite into it….

"And what can I get for you sugar?" Her voice broke into his mindless trance shaking him from his thoughts as he tilted his head the rest of the way up to meet her gaze, the minute he did so however… The second he looked at her, there in that stranger's eyes , the eyes of a beautiful blonde young woman, all his pain an anguish from the last few months was rediscovered… and it stung just as much, if not deeper then it had the first time around.

This was unlike any look he had been given from a woman before, Dean knew he was irresistible to the female race, it was common knowledge he was never shot down, he was never rejected…

But that, was before.

So much pity, her eyes read as if she were looking down at nothing more then a child, as though she felt bad for him, but feared him all the same, and it hurt, it hurt worse Dean had hurt in a long time, he was strong, fearless and irresistible, he was supposed to be looked at with admiration, and, and, and lust even… But not this…

John watched Dean's hands ball into fists in his lap and frowned deeply watching the seen unfold before him.

"Coffee… Black." Dean nearly growled before shoving the menu in the direction of the waitress and shifting to look once more at the horrible green and blue carpet beneath his wheels.

"Dean…" John whispered once the young woman was out of ear shot.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"Your brother needed time, I told you that already…"

"Well then why didn't he leave… I don't belong out here…. Not anymore." His head snapped up and John saw the anger flashing inside of them, the pain deep and devastating .

"So what? Your just gonna sit in that damn apartment all day and wait for your muscles to completely wither away, your just gonna stop living, and simply exists until one day when you finally drop dead."

"Looks like. Yeah"

"I don't think so son, that's not the Dean Winchester I know…. My son would never give up that easy."

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but your son is dead," Dean's face was stone cold, had a sense of finality to it as he looked not at but through his father. "He was shot down by a bullet… Two of them in fact, and he was announced D.O.A. on impact." The younger man smirked a little bitterly.

"You are my son." John exhaled loudly, "And we're gonna pull you though this Sammy and I were gonna help you… And you will walk again, then you can chase women ten times more beautiful then this one, women who don't stink like bacon grease and French fry oil."

Although his head nodded just once and his smirk grew just a little with a scoff Dean found only a smidge of humor in his father's statement, but at least he was trying… Which was more then Dean himself was doing.

- Pulling back up to the apartment the same sense of discomfort and awkwardness fell over the two oldest Winchester's as it was time for them to exit the vehicle.

"You can go get Sam you know?" Dean offered trying to sound nonchalant.

"You're my son, I can do this…" John retorted almost instantly swallowing hard, as he lifted Dean up and out of the car, "Besides it's not like I've never held you before, there was a time when you spent more time in my arms then out of them."

Dean's cheeks were pink with embarrassment now and he simply gave a little chuckle in response as his father pushed him toward the door letting them both inside.

Dean and John both had identical expressions of surprise and wonderment across their faces as they made there way into the living room… Sam had spent the last two hours not with himself, not taking an easy, no he had finished putting together the therapeutic equipment. The Parallel bars, the standing mechanism, the apparatus, everything was ready to go placed almost strategically against the far wall.

"Well, would you look at that." John smiled down at Dean his smile growing as he took note of the genuine gratefulness written across his son's features.

"Yeah… Look at that, when we left this morning this stuff was no where near finished. Aside from the bars of course."

John put a hand on Dean's shoulder just as they heard the bathroom door open, "I guess it just goes to show you, when you put your mind to it anything is possible."

Dean rolled his eyes and looked to his father, "Subtle dad. Very subtle."

Wearing only his grey sweat pants and still drying his hair freshly showered Sam made his way toward the two man in the center of the living room.

"Nice work son." John offered up a small thankful smile.

"Well, you know, I had some time to kill before you guys got back."

"Well good." Dean tore his eyes from the contraptions across the room to look at his brother, "When should we gat stared then?"

"No time like the present man, I even showered I figured if I'm gonna be holdin you up on there and all the last thing you need is the permanent stench of sweat box breaking your concentration."

"Noted. And appreciated." Dean smirked his brow cocking.

Sam walked over and picked up two metal and plastic leg braces before making his way back toward Dean and kneeling down at his feet un-strapping them. The braces fit all the way from his upper thigh to his toes and the minute his gaze fell to them Dean felt vomit once more return to his throat.

"Relax." Sam whispered his eyes glancing up at the slight hitch in his brothers breathing, "No one can see you, no one is here."

_You are… Dad is…._ Dean thought as his head bobbed up and down in response and he swallowed hard and loud.

"Now I've been reading quite a bit.. And the best I can tell you is that it's uh not as hard as it looks?"

"That's very reassuring thank you." Dean grumbled as he was now wheeled to the front end of the long metal parallel bars, they sat before him like a demon far worse then any he had faced, staring at him, taunting him, ripping him apart limb from limb before he even laid a finger on them. Dean closed his eyes and took in a deep breath and before he could open them again he remembered everything about how his life, how he had come to this and his heart grew weak his soul breaking…

_ 3 Months 12 Days, 3 hours and 22 minutes earlier. _

"_Don't call them victims Sammy you make them sound innocent or something… Makes me feel bad."_

"Nothing makes you feel bad." The two boys were only inches away from the Impala now as Dean reached into his pocket retrieving his keys.

"That's not true I-" Loud. Brain rattling loud, the sound of a single gunshot filled Dean's ears fallowed very abruptly by a powerful pressure against his back, as though someone had sucker punched him in his spine the air immediately rushed from his body.

_A tinge of fear began to grow inside of him as he glanced up and over a little in Sammy's direction swallowing repeatedly trying to catch his breath,, Sam was not looking back at him though and Dean was thankful because even he knew fear was evident in his eyes at this point._

_He'd been shot. Those Hillbilly bastards had put a bullet in him, he wasn't sure where though, the pain had not registered yet, but his body was beginning to feel numb already._

"_What the hell was that?" Sam's voice sounds a million and one miles away, even though he is right next to Dean, within arms reach, and Dean wanted to reach out wanted reinforcements his brother could give him as he felt his feet swaying below him, his body giving way._

_His world began to tunnel out, as though he were traveling farther and farther from it, his heart in his chest beating faster and faster, his body trembling… He knew then and there that this was it…_

_Dean was trained by his father to hunt and protect in any situation, especially when it came to his baby brother, there was nothing more important to him in this world then his Sammy, he would protect him with his last breath if he had to…._

_And now was the time to do that, even as the sounds of the world grew fainter and fainter by the mili-second, Dean heard it loud and clear, as though there was nothing going on around him and the rest of the world was silent, as he heard the sound of a trigger being pulled. _

'_Sammy No…' He thought to himself his pulse thumping at full speed as he felt his body now plummeting toward the ground and forced himself to fall to the side rather then face first. Relief washing over him as he felt what he knew to be his brother's body going down beneath his… He had saved him he had protected him, Sammy was safe, and that was what was important._

_Slipping, the darkness was pulling him in now, his body felt weaker then he would normally ever allow it to as he blinked slowly looking at his brothers face, the last thing he believed he was ever going to see… 'Open your eyes' He thought to himself, 'let me see that your alright, tell me that I didn't fail.'_

_Cold. It was suddenly so cold, and the fog began to blanket the eldest Winchester's vision, Then there they were, his brother's kind and innocent gaze was now looking at him tainted with fear and worry. Dean hated putting that look on his brother's face causing him so much pain, but at least this was a pain he could get past, a pain he could move on from and physically he was safe._

"_Sammy…" Dean grimaced at the weak and broken sound of his own voice, he wanted he needed to remain strong in these last few moments, for his brother, it was not his way, it was not his right to cry in devastation or in fear, it would only make things worse for Sam. The taste of blood began to taint his lips as he choked heavily and it felt like it took everything he had inside him just to cough,_

_Sam was crying now, Dean found it harder to hold on to his own tears and his consciousness as his brother's comforting yet scared voice graced his ears. "I'm here Dean…I'm right here…" He heard him whisper as he closed his eyes feeling his body being lifted, Sam's grip strong on him feeding him with warmth against his own chest. _

_Dean hated chick flick moments, he hated any real emotion, but right now, right at this moment he had never needed anything more, he had never felt safer then he did right now, and for a brief very brief moment he wondered why there had not been more hugs in there family something about this closeness felt right, it felt good, It gave strength._

_Then the thought was gone, he opened his eyes and his brothers tear stained face came into view. There was more fear evident in them now then there had been only seconds ago, and Dean knew that whatever was happening, that wherever he had been shot this was a losing situation…_

_The darkness began to pull him again, and he fought, fought to keep from accepting it, if these were going to be his last moments, he wanted them to last as long as they could…._

_He opened his mouth again to speak his jaw heavy and almost immovable, "Sammy…" There were so many things he needed to be told, so many things he had never said so many things Sammy didn't know… but that single word irrupted a coughing fit that zapped the rest of what Dean had inside of him and more, he was colder now, so cold it felt like there was ice running through his veins,_

_He wanted to rest, he wanted to just close his eyes and rest, he needed to, he felt his entire body beginning to tremble with the cold air biting at his skin, Sammy was still looking at him, staring helplessly, searching, and then his eyes widened, they grew wider then Dean had ever seen them grew, sadder and darker then they had ever been._

_He forced himself to focus, to fallow his brothers gaze; thick red blood was pooling around the two of them, so much of it, his blood…. He didn't fight it now, the trembling, the fear or the tears, there was no reason to, the darkness was creeping up into him and he wouldn't fight that either, he was so tired, so damn tired, he just couldn't fight anymore…_

"_I'm right here Dean.." He heard Sam's voice growing farther and farther in the distance… the fog slowly moving in on the vision of his brothers face in front of him._

"_You stay with me Dean, You hear me? You Stay with me…." Sam's voice was pleading and desperate, and Dean wanted to, he wanted to hold on, but he couldn't he was tired, so tired, and cold so cold, the darkness was warm, didn't Sammy understand? The darkness was warm and he could rest there…. 'Sammy I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry….' He thought to himself _

"_C-C-C-Cold." He hadn't realized that the word had actually come from his own lips until the sound of his broken and small voice was heard through his ears…. _

_The sounds of his brother's sobs slowly drifted from him, his vision slowly blackened and Dean didn't fight it, he was exhausted, and nearly numb, he felt tears begin slipping from his eyes, this was final curtain call… He could no longer see Sammy's face…. He could hardly even hear the whispers of his voice as he felt his brother's arms holding him… when all else slipped and right before the darkness hit that was the last memory he had, the warmth and the safety radiating from his brothers desperate grip._

'_I'm sorry Sammy' He wished he could say, he wished he could tell him, but there was nothing noting he could do now…._

Present Day

"Dean?" Sam's voice broke through the memory like a mega phone as he felt the younger man's hand on his shoulder and looked up at him, still sitting there in the chair before the bars. "You alright man?"

Dean nodded and knew by the expression on his brother's face that Sam could see the tears he was holding back, that he would never shed again…

"Alright…"

John stepped between the bars first making his way to the end where his son's were waiting for him, "Just remember Dean, there is no rush here, you don't need to heal yourself in one day and these things take time…."

Another nod was all the response John received. Dean's jaw was now locked in determination his features stiff and still. John put his hands out a little readying himself for any mishaps that might happen in the next few minutes making sure he was ready to support not only himself but his son if he needed to.

"Now put your hands one on each side and pull yourself up." Sam instructed as he strapped himself into the apparatus that would shortly bound him to his brother. "Use your upper body strength and lift then I'll move the chair and step in behind you…"

"What If I hurt you?"

"Your not going to hurt me… I'm bigger then you I can handle this…"

Dean drew his lip between his teeth and dropped his head a little putting a hand on each of the bars, he hated this he hated this more than anything, but that was good, that was a very good thing, he could use that hate, let it drive him to get better all the faster, use it to push himself into a recovery, everything and anything about Dean Winchester's life could be used as a weapon at one point or another.

And with that thought he pulled himself up and out balancing between the two bars his entire body aching almost immediately as he did so, the stain on his arms immense causing his muscles to bulge as he waited there.

"Look at me son." John ordered putting his hands on his son's waist, "If you need to you lean against me alright?."

"You feel the burn?" Sam asked trying to lighten the mood as he came up behind his brother and quickly strapped the apparatus around his waist having already moved the chair out of the way.

"Screw off…" Dean's teeth were now clenched together sweat forming on his forehead,.

"I know your nervous man…" His brother's voice was only a centimeter from his ear now, "But you can do this alright, nice and easy."

John stepped only a foot back now his eyes studying intensely as he watched Sam place his hands around Dean's waist their bodies directly against one another strapped together at the legs and waist.

Sam would step forward and dean's leg would fallow motion. Then the other foot, Both boys looking more than a little uncomfortable, but both also having the same look of determination and stubbornness across there faces.

Sam could feel his brother's weight falling back on him more and more with each single step he took, and the load was a lot to bare, but he didn't care, he told himself then and there, at that very moment, that he would do this everyday for the rest of their lives if he had to, that he was not going to give up on his brothers recovery no matter how long it took…

The guilt that he felt not the only thing driving him… No this, this was something much deeper. Much more important.


	8. Chapter 8

-1_Here is the next installment of angst goodness for all of you loyal readers, Thank you so much for your reviews of the last chapter!!!! I hope you enjoy this one just the same I wish I could spout them out faster for you but with the holidays seriously just around the corner things are very hectic around here right now._

_Rosebud_

**Bar Fights & Bullets**

_Chapter 8_

_ 10 Weeks and 2 days Earlier _

_Cold. Empty. Confined & Angry. Dean closed his eyes and tried to swallow down the sickness he felt rising up inside of him, his fingers shook as he let them glide over the cold bitter metal trapping him, slowly he could already feel it draining the life from his body. Taking his dignity, his soul and any remainder of the Dean Winchester he had been only seconds before._

_It was easy to play pretend before now, to lay in that bed, flirt with the nurses, let Sam needlessly fuss over his every need. It was simple to act like everything was normal, like this was no worse then any hunting injury he had ever experienced… Like he was going to be able to get up and walk out of this stale smelling hospital any minute and never look back._

_Until now. _

"_How does that feel?" The doctor's naggingly sweet voice broke through the pain that was currently engulfing the eldest Winchester's mind and soul pulling him back to reality as he opened his eyes._

_Dean thought of many smart remarks, many bantered comments that could come flying from his lips in response to such a moronic question, but said nothing as he opened his eyes slowly only to be rewarded with the sight of Sam's pain filled and knowing gaze staring back at him. _

_His shoulders shrugged and he drew his lip into his mouth chewing on it lightly._

"_Doc? Can you uh, give us a minute here please?" Sam questioned removing his gaze from his brother to the older man dressed in the white coat._

"_Yeah, Sure. Of course." The doctor nodded and tucked the clipboard under his arm, "I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you, I need to make my rounds anyway." He turned and headed for the door, signaling for Tyson, on of the hospitals PT's, a large man dressed in blue hospital scrubs, to fallow suit._

_The minute the room was empty and the door was closed, closing the two brother's inside Sam kneeled down and exhaled knowingly as he placed a hand on his brother's knee, a bold move in an attempt to console him. _

_Dean was not a touchy feeling kind of guy, he was a stubborn pig-headed do it yourself man all the way, and there for physical contact was more often then not an unwelcome gesture, no matter who it was coming from._

"_You alright?" He asked clearing his throat a little._

"_Why…" it was now Dean's turn exhale, rubbing the bridge of his nose trying to force his tough guy image to stay in place, "Why wouldn't I be?"_

"_Don't." Sam's voice was filled with warning._

"_Don't what?"_

"_Don't pretend like everything is fine." He pushed lightly on the rough exterior of his brothers façade trying to break it down._

"_What would you like me to do instead Sam? Cry? Scream? Throw something? You tell me how I'm supposed to act and I'll oblige." His voice dropped to a low mumble, "After all you're the one with the power now…"_

_Sam ran his free hand through his hair and shook his head, "I-I don't know Dean… But this, this isn't you… you can't just… pretend like everything is alright man, you can't just pretend that your alright with this… I know you better then that."_

"_Whose pretending Sam?" Dean's eyes flickered in anger and Sam actually felt a small amount of relief inside of him when they did so, at least it was a glimpse of a real human emotion. "Who the hell is pretending huh?… Do these look pretend to you? Does this chair look like a mirage? Like the minute I open my eyes it's going to go away and everything is going to be normal again?"_

_Every other emotion inside of him had dissipated now, Dean was left with only anger, not anger at Sam of course, but anger at everything, at what he had allowed himself to become, at this whole situation, at this damn metal he now gripped so tightly to…He was sick with anger and he could feel the hot stinging sensation of tears building in his eyes._

"_YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW? YOU-YOU THINK I DON'T GET IT?…. "_

_Sam didn't bother to answer to his brother's rage, he didn't utter a word or even bat an eyelash, he simply stayed right where he was kneeled there in front of him, letting him lash out, letting his anger fly, letting him remember what it was like to feel something, letting the pain release from his brother and absorb into him instead… After all he was the one who should be taking the brunt of it anyway._

"_I WANT OUT OF HERE…" Dean let his voice die down now, controlling himself once more his hands were shaking the only indication of his frazzled nerves as he shook his head and released his grip on the metal bars. _

_Sam swallowed his voice soft and calm as he found the will to speak again, fighting off the images of what he had just heard, just seen now replaying themselves in his mind. "The doctor's say you need to get use to it, you need to…. You know, get a feel for-"_

"_Not the damn chair Sam." Dean snapped a little harsher than he should have. "I want out of this hospital, I want to get back to the land of the living…"_

"_I don't-" Sam rolled his neck trying to figure out how delicately he could put the next words to come out of his mouth. "I don't think that is such a good idea…."_

"_If I wanted your opinion on the matter I would of asked you for it, all I need from you is to get them to let me out, I've been laid up in here long enough."_

"_Dean. Please man-"_

"_Get me out of here." Dean's voice was more pleading then demanding as he let his eyes soften looking directly into those of his brother._

"_I just, if your not ready…"_

"_I'm ready." Dean's soul and mouth ached as he forced a small to form on his lips, it was a ghost of a real genuine smile that he used to wear. " I got a set of wheels… I'm as ready as I'm going to get, I need out of here…I can't breathe in here Sammy…"_

_Sammy… Sam hated it when his brother used that name, it meant that he was going to loose the fight, that he was unwillingly going to surrender and Dean would once again be crowned champion of winning arguments. "I'll see what I can do.."_

_Dean nodded he could tell by the sudden tensing in his brother's form that he was no where near at ease with the idea, but to be honest he didn't give a horses ass, he needed out, he needed something, he needed to be away, and he would play on whatever he could to make that happen as soon as possible. "And you might want to start looking for the next hunt while your at it… We've spent to long here-"_

"_NO!" Sam shook his head a father like quality taking over his voice._

"_Sam…"_

"_Dean, You are not hunting, not anymore, not until… you know."_

"_I can do it."_

"_I said no." The younger man rose to his feet, "You want me to get you out of here, that's fine, I'll do what I can to make that happen if you think that's what you need to help you, but our hunting days are hiatuses until further notice…"_

"_But-"_

"_Don't fight me on this one… I've made up my mind, there's no way Dean."_

"_I can do it…" Dean repeated his weak defense once more looking everywhere now but into his brother's eyes, "It's my,.. it's our job."_

"_Not anymore it's not."_

"_Bullshit. I'm the older brother and what I say goes."_

"_Not this time no."_

"_Sam!"_

_Sam was growing frustrated now, he knew what was going on here, he knew what his brother was doing, and it all went back to the same word as before… Dean was pretending. Pretending that everything was the same as before, that he was going to leave the hospital and everything was going to resume as It had been before that horrible night._

_Sam kneeled once more now placing both hands on his brother's thighs and forcing himself to look into those eyes of such a broken man, to be firm and father like in John's absence as he spoke. "You have to accept this…"_

"_For Christ sakes Sam." Dean let his own gaze fall._

"_You are a human being and there are limitations… I know it's hard… "_

"_What-ever," came a grunted reply._

"_Look me in the eye." Sam's nostrils flared a little, "Look me in the eye and tell me you can do this if you r so sure…."_

_Dean didn't look up though, not right away his eyes once again fixed on the chair confining him, his life less legs strapped into it, the sickness again finding it's way into his insides eating away at him slowly….. _

_He knew, he knew that Sam was right, that he couldn't hunt, that he was useless as a warrior now, that he didn't stand a chance on the battle field yet still the words could not find there way into his vocabulary._

_He heard the door to the hospital room open and a sigh of relief came over him as the doctor reentered. He was safe for the moment._

Present Day

"You did really good today." Sam offered up as he now folded Dean's chair and placed it in the corner of the room glancing back over his shoulder to where the older exhausted man lay in bed already half asleep.

"Yeah, one day down and a life time to go…"

"Hey, no one knows how long this is going to take alright, but we will work at it as long as we need to…"

"Have you worked the possibility of never into that equation ?"

Sam shook his head knowing that this was just another self pity moment for his brother, moments that he chose most of the time to pay little attention to.

"Of course not, You've always been a glass half full kind of man haven't you?"

"What can I say? I'd rather drowned in milk then thirst for air…"

"Yeah well when you get sick of drowning let me know and I'll pull you back to the shores of reality…"

"Just get some sleep okay? We've got some long days a head of us."

"Yeah. Sure."

"Good night Dean."

Sam closed the door to the room and shook his head again, a side effect to this whole situation was depression, the doctors warned him about it, one minute he could be just fine and the next a short circuit somewhere inside of him could set off a whole wave of self hatred and self pity… It was a side of Dean he definitely wasn't use to, but that he dealt with just the same, just as he had the many other sides of his brother he was recently discovering…

"You alright son?"

Sam nodded absently before registering that his father was staring at him now as though he were growing a second head. "Yeah, fine… He's just in a mood is all."

"A mood?"

"Yeah, sometimes he gets a little depressed and the doctors say I just need to ignore it, let him ride it out on his own, you know."

"You'd think he'd be pleased with today's progress…"

"I'm sure he is.." Sam popped his neck, "You know how he gets though, he's not the most patient man I've ever met…"

"Truer words have never been spoken." John smirked a little, "I'm making a pot of coffee, you want?"

"Coffee? It's after 1130."

"Well what can I say? Once a night crawler always a night crawler…."

"Yeah, I know the feeling." The taller man nodded before fallowing his father toward the kitchen.

- Dean was teetering on the edge of unconsciousness when his brow rose slowly and he forced his eyes to open fully glancing through the darkness toward the bottom of the bed.

He swore he felt something, he knew he felt something, like a pin prick against the bottom of his foot, fallowed closely by another and then another….

"What the hell?" He mumbled to himself wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him, if the tranquilizers were screwing with his brain in someway…

He sat there for a minute and twenty six seconds, having nothing else to do but count the pin pricks prodding at the bottom of his left foot like cat claws….

He shook his head trying to wake himself further as he sat up forcing himself to a full sitting position He leaned down and pulled his feet over the side of the bed his head cocking to the side…

He thought briefly about calling for Sam, calling for John but dismissed the thought… This was probably just some mind trick anyway….

It took him a good three minutes to situate himself there on the edge of the bed to where he wouldn't fall over with an embarrassing thud leaning his shoulder and himself against the head board.

He bent down a little and gripped his left leg in his hand aligning it with the small night stand next to the bed he thrust his ankle against the wooden object as hard as he could, shock over whelming him as he did so….

He could feel it.

He repeated the action, again and again his eyes growing wider and wider with each thrust growing harder and harder.

- Sam took a sip of his coffee, his eyebrows raising as he put a hand up to shush his father who was in mid-sentence… "Do you hear that?"

John silenced his story and listened a resounding thud noise filling their ears from the other room over and over again.

"What the hell?" Sam climbed to his feet, John doing the same, the two of them heading toward the back of the house… toward Dean's room.

Sam stood at the door for a minute and listened sure enough that was where the noise was coming from, but what the hell as he doing in there? Pushing the door open and flipping on the light/// he froze inside the doorway staring in disbelief at what he saw John directly behind him in the same state.

Dean was hunched over against the headboard knocking his foot into the dresser like some crazy person repeatedly over and over again his foot and ankle red and raw, hand's shaking forehead sweating…

"Dean!" John's voice was thick with concern, "Son… what are you doing…"

Dean's head rose up and his hazel orbs were covered in a hopeful excitement, but also a confused type of fear all in one as he spoke his voice small….

"I can feel it."


	9. Chapter 9

-1**Bar Fights & Bullets**

_Chapter 9_

"Dean!" John's voice was thick with concern, "Son… what are you doing…"

Dean's head rose up and his hazel orbs were covered in a hopeful excitement, but also a confused type of fear all in one as he spoke his voice small….

"I can feel it."

Sam froze at the simple phrase that spouted from his brother's lips. Or maybe more so at the look his brother was currently wearing, tears actual tears were in his eyes and for the first time in a long time happiness was written across his face, inscribed there filled with such hope.

John stepped forward as Dean pulled his raw ankle back in preparation to thrust it forward again. "Stop…" He whispered. "Your going to hurt yourself."

"But- I can feel it." The elder son repeated with just as much awe and enthusiasm as he had the first time.

"That'- that's wonderful news alright…" John stepped forward and to the bed leaning down, "But if you do that anymore, your going to break it…" He leaned in a little and took his son's foot in his hands readjusting him on the bed helping him back into it.

"Sammy?" Dean asked clearing his throat noticing his brother's form still frozen in the doorway.

Sam was lost in a world of his own, so many thoughts were currently making their way through his head that he hardly heard his name being spoken. _Amazing, Amazing. Dean could feel. He was going to heal. Everything was going to be okay. _Sam could feel the guilt slowly slipping from him, the burden that he had sworn to carry for the rest of his life was suddenly significantly lighter… And his brother his brother was smiling…

"Sammy." Dean rose his voice this time snapping his fingers as he did so and breaking through the veil of emotions swimming through his baby brother's mind.

"Huh?" Sam shook himself from his thoughts and closed his mouth which had fallen open in surprise and shock at this whole scenario.

"You alright? You been dipping into my tranquilizers again?"

"Fine… Fine. This is, this is great man. I-I can't believe it this is… Wow."

"Yeah, wow." Dean's grin grew now as he felt his eyelids growing heavier the effects of his nightly drugs becoming harder and harder to fight off.

"I thin it's time we let you rest and we can celebrate some more in the morning." John smirked a little as he pulled the blankets up around his son's body. As he did so he let his eyes roam his son's face for a long minute, there was a smile there, a real smile something john thought he was never going to see again, but something inside of him was still mystified about this whole situation.

Something didn't seem right, it was so sudden, so… Unexpected.

"Dad?" Dean's voice was low and soft, slightly slurred.

"Hmm?"

"I-…." Dean's eyes slid shut and it took a while before they opened again.

John chuckled lightly and patted his son's shoulder, "Sleep Dean." He whispered.

"Damn…Drugs."

"I know." John made his way out of the room and flipped the light switch off Sam fallowing behind him taking note of the look creeping onto his father's face as the older man closed the door behind them.

"Okay, what is it. Your suffering from sour lemon face…"

John shook his head making his way back toward the table and drawing his lip into his mouth, a tell tale sign that any Winchester was contemplating and confused about something.

"Dad, come on now… What is it?"

John hesitated his dark eyes looking to his son, there was just as much if not more hope found in Sammy's eyes as in Dean's and he hated to take that away, to replace it with doubt… But he couldn't figure this out on his own… "It's to fast Sam…" He whispered making extra sure to keep his voice low.

"What?" Sam shook his head a little his brow raising up the same as his brother's always did, it was quite amusing to his father how much his son's really were alike.

"We only started therapy today… Doesn't it seem a little strange to you that after just a few hours…"

Sam took a second to process the thought as it came from his father's lip into his head and nodded slowly, "Maybe- maybe he's just lucky?" His tone had more question in it then fact.

"Yeah, maybe." John sounded very unconvinced.

"Look, dad… Do we really have to look this one in the mouth…"

"What's the first rule of thumb I taught you boys?"

"We do what we do and we shut up about it?"

"No that's the first family rule. Always carry suspicion-"

"Into any battle, nothing is ever as it seems and everything is questionable until proven otherwise to be true." Sam cut him off finishing his statement.

John nodded. "The same rule applies here…"

"This isn't that kind of battle dad…"

"Are you sure about that? You boys seem to be fighting just as hard, if not harder to me."

"Dad-"

"Do you have that doctor's number?"

"Doctor Reese? Yeah, of course."

"Tomorrow I'm going to call him and get Dean in, just to be sure alright?"

"I don't know how Dean's going to feel about that." Sam retorted speaking on his brothers behalf.

"I don't see where it could hurt to know what's going on…"

Sam sighed the doubt his father had placed into his mind causing reason to over shadow hope and bringing a whole new set of emotions to his insides. What if John's intuition was right and this wasn't in fact on the level, all of Dean's hope would be shattered in a matter of seconds, and even though Dean was the strongest man Sam had ever known… He doubted he was strong enough to handle such a devastating blow. "I just…"

"Your worried, I know… I am too, but we need to know, your brother needs to know… False hope is worse then no hope."

"Yeah-" Sam whispered.

"Just try to get some rest alright."

Sam nodded, he knew that sleep would not come to him tonight, but he would try anyway, he needed to be as strong as he could for his brother….

- It was nearly two in the afternoon when the three men were finally making their way into the small doctor's office, much to Dean's dismay. He saw no reason to be there, no reason to look such a gift in the mouth. He knew what he felt, he knew what was happening and no quack was going to tell him different.

"Why are we here again?" His voice was laced with annoyance.

"There's nothing wrong with a check-up now and then." Sam tried to sound as optimistic as he could, just as he suspected he would be he was more tired then he had remembered being in a long time.

"I'm only doing this because you two demand it you know that right? I know what I felt…"

"I know son." John interjected parking him against the far wall and making his way up to the check in window.

"What's with him?" Dean asked looking at Sam for an answer.

"He just wants to make sure is all…"

"There's more to it…" Dean insisted, "I can tell by the look in his eyes."

"Don't worry about it alright, you just try to relax and focus on you for the time being alright?"

"Dancing around the subject…." Dean mumbled, "Yup definitely something going on here."

"What was that?" Sam asked a little to cocky for Dean's liking.

"Nothing." Dean nodded in his father's direction as John reproached his boys.

"He's ready and waiting for us already." He informed leaning down and undoing Dean's break.

"Wow the service one gets in a small town is amazing…" Sam lamely attempted to joke as he opened the door for the other two John pushing Dean through.

"Well hello Mister Johnson." Dr. Reese's voice was just as annoying and sweet as Dean remembered it to be as the older man extended his had and Dean felt obligated to return the favor giving him a half hearted shake.

"How's it goin' doc?"

"Well, my name wasn't in the obituaries this morning so better then some I suppose…"

"Well, that's uh good?"

"Sure is." The doctor smiled in Sam's direction, "Sam nice to see you again.." He turned to the other man standing directly next to Dean's chair, "And you must be John."

John nodded and shook the man's hand, "I am."

"Well it's nice to finally meet the owner of such an amazing pair of boys."

Sam and Dean exchanged glances at that both of them smirking in unison before looking back to the doctor. "So what do you say we get this over with?" Dean spoke up, "I mean I'm grateful and everything to you doc, but your not exactly who I want to be spending my afternoons with."

"Yes, I remember you made that quite clear on your last and only visit to my facility by having yourself checked out far to early… against my wishes."

"Yeah, well. See for yourself everything turned out alright."

"I'll be the judge of that." The doctor smiled and went about the room setting a few things up, "Get up on the table and let's have a look shall we? Your father tells me your had some sensation last night…?"

"Well, I don't know if sensation is the right word… I mean to me sensation is something provided by a woman in-"

"DEAN!" Sam and John both warned as Sam began to remove him from the chair up on to the table.

"Just answer the man's questions son, and leave the banter at home will you?"

Doctor Reese was now studying the three men with quite the amused smirk on his lips.

"Okay, okay yes… I had sensation last night." Dean rolled his eyes a little.

"Well, this could possibly be a step in the right direction." The doctor took a seat on his rolling desk chair and approached the side of the bed where Dean now lay, "We're going to do a CT scan to check the status of the bullet and the nerve damage before we run any further tests and such, I want to see how and if your mending alright?"

"I'm on the mend doctor I can feel it…"

"Well you know what they say… Attitude is everything, so lets just hope your right shall we?"

Dean hated that, the way doctors always spoke in general terms never giving any positive reassurance always staying neutral on every subject from cafeteria food to patient recovery. "Yes we shall…"

"Seems like a nice man." John cleared his throat as the doctor left the room a minute later, Sam now standing by the window looking out in to the courtyard below lost once more in thoughts and wonderment. Trying as hard as he could not to let his hopes get to high about the whole idea of Dean on his way to a real recovery.

"I suppose so." Dean nodded, "You know since he saved my life and all."

"Remind me to add him to our Christmas card list."

"Dad." Dean smirked, "We've never had a Christmas card list."

"Maybe we should start one, and he can be at the top." John let his eyes wonder over to his youngest son and he frowned a little, "Sammy?"

"Hmm?"

"Something of interest down there son?"

"A whole word of unknowing and unsuspecting ignorant civilians?"

"Aside from that." Dean chimed in.

"A half dead rose bush?"

"Oh well, that explains it… carry on then." The older brother smirked a little and gave a small chuckle but let it die on his lips when he was the only one releasing such a happy sound, there fore allowing silence to engulf the whole room.

-Three hours and nine cups of coffee later the three Winchester men were back in the small room awaiting doctor Reese's return with the CT results, each one lost in there own thoughts, each one hoping for the same outcome however…

"I'm going to go see what's taking him so long…" John stood from the small chair where he had been sitting reading an old issue of people magazine. "The test results should have been back by now."

Dean and Sam nodded in unison neither one opening there mouth to respond as they stared blankly at the small television screen in front of them Oprah's voice the only one to be heard as she introduced her guest of the day.

John stepped out into the hallway and exhaled loudly rolling his shoulders back in an attempt to release some of the tension that was building inside of him, his eyes scanning the hall up and down for the grey haired doctor Reese.

"Mister Johnson." John shifted his gaze back to the left a little more at the sound of his 'name' being called. "I was just on my way in to speak with you."

John couldn't help but notice the lack of excitement in the doctor's voice along side a heavy dose of approaching sympathy.

"Oh?"

"Yes.."

"Well maybe we should go inside then, so you can tell us all together?"

The doctor shook his head and placed his hand on the door before John could reopen it, "No, it is better that I talk to just you first…."

John didn't like the sound of that as he nodded, "Okay, well go on…"

"I've been looking over your sons CT results…"

"I figured." John leaned back against the wall crossing his arm's over his chest. "And…?"

"Well, what your son is describing, is as I feared both physically and medically impossible, there has been no nerve reparation, and the bullet is still lodged firmly into his spine…"

"H-how do you explain the sensation then?" John couldn't help but sound defensive, "Dean knows he felt something, and I believe him, if you could of seen the look in his eyes, he was not faking…"

"I believe that your son believes he felt something…"

"Explain please?" John felt his patience growing thin.

- "You hear that?" Dean asked looking in his brother's direction.

Sam listened for a minute and then nodded rubbing his chin. "Voices."

"Can you make out what they are saying?"

"No…" Sam shook his head.

"Well, what are you waiting for boy? Move in and take a closer listen… This is my health we are talking about here…"

Sam sighed but rose to his feet anyway, "I can't wait til your up and moving again so that I can lose the title of whipping boy."

"Your never going to lose that tile." Dean grinned, "Now go."

Sam's shoulder's slumped forward and he stepped to the other side of the room pressing his ear to the wooden door,

"Hear anything?"

"Not if you don't shut up!"

"Oh right sorry…"

"Shh!!!" Sam rolled his eyes highly annoyed and listened carefully the sound of his father and doctor Reese's voice coming through loud and clear

-"I believe your son is suffering from something called Phantom Sensation." The doctor said clearing his throat and watching as John's face immediately read of confusion signaling him to explain a little further. "Phantom sensation, which is most commonly found in amputee's, but is not unknown to paralysis patients as well. Is a condition in which the patient, in this case Dean… Believes that he is experiencing some sort of feeling in an unused or absent limb because his brain and his heart are telling him that he is…"

"So… in short, his mind is playing tricks on him?" John felt his heart beginning to break inside of his chest..

"This is a very real event, your son wants so badly to believe that he is recovering that his mind is creating false feelings…"

"How can you tell?"

"I'll show you." The doctor sighed a little. "I'm sorry but it's as I told your son's before, Dean's chances for a recovery are very slim and his prognosis has changed none since the last, if anything his deterioration is quicker then I had hoped… Has he begun seeing a PT…?"

"We-uh… Sam and I are doing it from home now, we just started it yesterday…"

"I would strongly advise against anyone aside from a highly trained professional.."

- Sam shuttered inwardly and closed his eyes, everything inside of him beginning to break down beginning to crumble, _No….NO… Be Strong." _He scolded himself as his brother's voice broke through and Sam turned to face him shakily relieved to see his eyes once more fixed on the television and not on him.

"You hear anything…?"

"Uh…." Sam drew in a deep breath trying to buy himself a second or two, lying to Dean was not an easy task . "No…"

"You were standing there frozen for over five minutes, and you heard nothing?" Dean's brow cocked and he studied his brother's form Sam seemed pale, and Dean swore he was shaking. "Sam? What are they saying?"

"I-I told you I can't hear them."

"Yeah, and your full of shit, I can tell just by looking at you that you know something, and that that something is not with the good so come on let's have it…"

"Dean-" Sam's voice cut off as the door opened and John reentered the room fallowed closely by doctor Reese.

"Ah theres the man of the hour how you doin' sport?"

Sport? John hadn't called him sport in quite a long, a very long while something was not with the right in this situation. "I'm alright…." He shifted his eyes to the doctor. "What's the verdict? How long until I'm up and running?"

"There's a few more tests that we need to do alright, the cat scan was inconclusive…"

"Inconclusive?"

The doctor nodded and returned to his rolling chair sliding down to the end of the bed. John purposely stepping into Dean's line of vision so that he could not see anything at the beds bottom including his feet.

"I need you to tell me when you feel me touching you alright?" The doctor removed dean's shoes and socks the red ankle from the previous night was now only slightly pink with what appeared to be a rash.

Sam stepped back and leaned against the wall crossing his arms over his chest observing.

"This is your high-tech medical examination?"

"Dean, just do as he asks alright?" John pleaded more then demanded.

"Alright alright fine."

"Thank you."

The doctor firmly pressed his palm to Dean's foot holding it there. "Am I touching you?"

Dean nodded and swallowed, "Yeah."

"How about now?" He asked again without moving his hand.

"Yup."

"And now?" The older man's hand slipped from his foot careful not to make the motion to suddenly and tip him off,

"Yeah, wouldn't the test be a little more conclusive if you removed your hand every now and then?"

"Dean…" Sam whispered feeling a tear slide down his cheek as he wiped it away quickly, hard with the back of his hand.

"What?"

"He uh, he's not touching you…." The younger brother cleared his throat swallowing down his own emotion as he stepped closer to the bed ready for any and every reaction his brother might give, well at least pretending to be ready.

"He is!" Dean swallowed looking at his father then down to the doctor, "You were!!!" He scowled, "I-I felt it!"

"No son you didn't." John placed a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort.

"Dean-" The doctor interjected softly, "Your experiencing what is known as Phantom sensation…"

"NO!" Dean's face drained of it's natural color and was replaced with anger and red, "I FELT IT…."

"Your mind was telling you, you felt it, and you believed that you did…"

Dean shook his head and growled, "SHUT THE HELL UP…"

"Dean" Sam whispered approaching his free side, "Calm down."

"GET OFF ME!" He screamed unable to his own dismay to control the over whelming amount of emotion filling and spilling over inside of him, he knew what he felt he knew what was happening, this wasn't happening, this wasn't right…

He shrugged his father's grip from his shoulder and Sam dared not take another step toward him and before either man could act the small table next to the bed was over turned in a swift and agitated movement.

"DEAN!" John warned. Sam placing his hand over his mouth momentarily to keep from sobbing all the guilt he had felt beginning to release yesterday was now back full force and ravaging his insides.

"Would you like me to administer a sedative?"

"No… just thank you doctor… go." Sam whispered watching as John stepped over the over turned side table and against Dean's wishes began to console and calm his eldest son.

It was weird how everything changed with those few words just as Sam had known they would the walls of hope all three men had unwillingly built up around them, around their family, around what was going to be again… Were crashing down and everything was laying broken and distraught at Sam's feet… Once again he reminded himself that this was all his doing that he had taken a wrecking ball to their lives and destroyed it with a single blow.

_So there it is, this has been planned from the get go and it made me feel bad that you all were so hopeful and happy… I hope you weren't to disappointed, if it makes you feel any better John has a plan and it's quite a good one, we just haven't gotten that far yet. Anyway thank you for your wonderful replies to the last chapter and I hope you enjoyed this one just as much. Let me know what you think._


	10. Chapter 10

-1_I hope that everyone has been having a wonderful holiday!!! I took a few days off of writing as you can tell, to many people coming in and out of my house for me to find my concentration LOL. Anyway thank you so much for your last reviews I am glad this story seems to be going over so well, and I hope that you enjoy this next chapter just the same, I think you will be happy with the outcome, and I apologize for dashing your hopes in chapter 9._

**Bar Fights & Bullets **

_Chapter 10_

The ride home was deafeningly silent as the three men sat each one wrapped in there own thoughts not so much as a sound breaking through the still air. The pain and the heartbreak evident in each face, each set of eyes, each trembling chin as they drove toward the apartment.

Dean looked into the rearview mirror from where he sat in the passengers seat and his frown deepened his own pain, his own anger falling deeper into the pit of his stomach as he took note of the emotions written across his baby brothers face. Sam had aged no less then 10 years in the past few months, there were wrinkles permanently pressed into his forehead, and a constant tone of worry in his voice. Dean knew that this was his doing that he had taken his once fun loving and semi-spontaneous bother and turned him into a care giver, a father figure… The role that before now Dean had always played.

Sam could feel the look of concern boring into his soul through the rearview mirror and glanced up only momentarily before shifting his entire body in the seat and forcing himself to look out the back window, watching the cars go by one after another. He mindlessly counted them trying to avoid and ignore the thoughts that were now scolding his brain.

This was his fault, everything about this whole situation was his doing, if he had just stuck to his ground that night at the pool hall and hadn't hustled those two bastards, or if he hadn't run his mouth, or if he hadn't let Dean take that second bullet, the one with his name on it…. There were a million and one ifs dancing inside of him, all centered around the same basic concept…. That this was his fault…. Everything was his own doing in one way or another…

The youngest Winchester could feel the walls he had built so high inside himself crumbling and was more then a little thankful when the van pulled into the apartments, he needed out, he needed away, he couldn't do this, he couldn't look at his brother another second, couldn't look at the pain he had caused him…..

And his father, Sam didn't think he would ever be able to look at him again, he knew to well about the disappointment that his father held for him, he knew that he was to blame, and there was no way he was ever going to live this one down….

Hopping out of the back of the van Sam made the mistake of briefly making eye contact with his brother, only for a second there eyes met and locked, it was like each man was seeing his own reflection, identical pain, identical anger, and identical sadness tearing into them.

Sam forced his eyes away and took quick heavy strides into the apartment leaving John to help Dean out of the car and into his chair.

John nodded to himself after seeing the glance shared between the two boys, his heart was shattered and resting in the souls of his feet, there was so much pain where happiness used to be found. Even though their lives were far from normal and far from perfect there was a time when they were happy. Even with the demons they fought and the hell they faced on a daily basis, they were happy, they would smile and joke, they were a real and loving family….

But, now as he looked at his son's before him, as he saw how divided the Winchesters had fallen the pain was nearly unbearable and John knew something had to be done, there had to be a way to mend his family and the souls of his sons….

Getting Dean from the car John had begun pushing him toward the house when Sam re-emerged through the front door without a word and stepped past them.

"Sam…." Dean cleared his throat shifting his head a little as his brother's form moved past him, never once turning around to face him. "SAM!" He tried again.

"Let him go…" John whispered. "He needs to deal with this…."

Dean locked his jaw and watched as Sam's back grew further and further into the distance down the street, he hated this, he hated it so much it left a bitter and gaggingly painful taste in the back of his throat. He was ruining his baby brother, he was destroying him from the inside out without even trying to do so.

- Sam heard his name being called as he walked past his father and brother, he heard the pleading tone it carried, but he needed to gat away, he needed to leave, to run, to hide and to deal…. All things that he couldn't do in the presence of his family.

He didn't know where he was going, he didn't know anything at this moment except that anywhere but here was a good place to start. His muscles tensed a little as he heard his brother call his name again this time louder and with more anger then before, but he couldn't turn around, he couldn't face him.

His strides became bigger and faster the closer to the edge of the parking lot he became as he found more and more air able to enter into his lungs, with each step he took, with each inch he put behind him, and between Dean and him he found himself more and more at ease.

The further away he was from him, from them, the less harm he could cause……

As he rounded the corner of he street and knew he was no longer in his brother or his fathers line of vision, as he realized that finally… He was alone the walls that had began to crumble back in the van were shattered in an instant and the flood gates to his emotions opened.

His world spun in a dizzying haze as his body leaned back heavily against the brick wall of a rundown liquor store, his knees threatening to give way as he bent himself in half feeling tears, masses of hot and fresh tears pouring like a Kentucky rainstorm from his eyes….

He did not wipe at them, he did not wish them away, he let them come, he let them devour him, he let himself go… And as much as it hurt it felt good, it felt good to feel so much pain, to know that he was still alive, to punish himself for the hurt he had caused.

Slowly he felt gravity pull him toward the ground and he allowed his tired and weak body to collapse until he was curled in a ball there against the cold stone brick wall on the street corner. He could hear strangled sobs and struggling breaths filling his ears and piercing his soul… it was nearly a minute before he realized they were his own….

- "You hungry?" John asked clearing his throat from the kitchen leaning over the small counter top, Dean had resumed his vigil in front of the television staring mindlessly at it every few seconds breaking eye contact to glance toward the door in hopes that his brother would return safe and sound both physically and mentally.

John waited for a response for thirty seconds before sighing and shaking his head, he had spent every moment since they arrived home in the kitchen, fixing this or that, washing the counters, scrubbing the floors, cleaning the stove, doing anything and everything to keep his mind off his son who was sulking only feet away from him.

Putting the dishtowel down now he cleared his throat and stepped around the counter before making his way into the front room and taking a seat on the sofa caddy corner to where Dean's chair was parked the volume on the tv a hushed whisper as he looked at him.

Dean felt his father's eyes staring in his direction and let them stare for a minute or two before finally growling low enough in his throat so that it went unheard and shifting his attention to his father. "What?"

"Talk to me." John pleaded more then demanded as he lowered his body deeper into the sofa's cushions and for a split second he found himself wishing the fabric would just open up and swallow him whole.

"Nothing to talk about." Dean stated blankly before turning back to the re-run of Sanford and Son playing before him.

"Oh no you don't." John scolded and reached over on to the small coffee table snatching up the remote and flipping the TV off.

"Hey!" Dean tried to sound overly annoyed, "I was watching that."

"No you weren't. you were pretending to so that you can pretend that whatever thoughts are in your head right now aren't really there, and you can pretend that everything is fine."

"What is it with you two and that word…." Dean's eyes were iced over with a sense of anger as he looked toward his father and his voice spat out almost venomously. "No one is pretending anything. Pretend has no place in the equation of my life alright…. There is no way to pretend when you can't feel yourself pissing, when you can't even get yourself out of bed in the morning, or shower on your own, there is no fucking pretend…. " He turned his attention to the carpet unable to handle the pain suddenly sprouting into his fathers gaze, "There is only false hope, and failure…."

John thought about all the things he could say, he thought about all the encouraging words he had heard in his lifetime, but none of them seemed fitting for this…. "You haven't failed son…." He whispered unable to come up with anything more clever or reassuring.

"Oh but I have dad, I've failed bigger then I ever thought possible… And I just don't know if I can handle it anymore…." He let his voice drop lower, "I've failed Sammy and you and myself… I should be stronger then this, I should be able to fight and win…."

"This isn't the kind of fight you win or lose son…" John whispered reaching over and placing a hand on Dean's forearm, "This is the kind of fight you keep fighting until you win."

"I'm so tired dad…"

"I know you are…"

"And Sam, I see everyday what this is doing to him, what I've done to him, and I just-"

"I'm not going to lie to you, this is hard on your brother, this is very hard on him, but it's not your fault okay? It's deeper then that, we just have to help him pull through it the same as he and I are helping you…"

"I never wanted this for him… I wish he would of just left me in that hospital to rot."

"He would never do that……"

"I know…."

"Maybe we should try to get some rest…."

Dean shook his head looking down at his watch, "Not until Sam gets home…. He's been gone for nearly 6 hours…. Should we go look for him?"

"He might not come home tonight Dean…."John whispered. "He needs some time to himself."

"But- He didn't take the car…."

"Plenty of hotels around here on foot…"

Dean shook his head again, Sam wouldn't do that, he wouldn't leave for a whole night without a word…. He wouldn't just take off and not say where he was going, he would be back, and he would be back soon, he just needed some air… to take a walk…. To think and to breathe, yeah he just needed to walk, a long walk still but a walk…. "He'll be here…" Dean rolled his neck from side to side and then did the same with his jaw. "But if your tired go on and go to be bed… it's been a long day."

"How will you get to bed if he doesn't come home?" John asked rationally

"He will… And if he doesn't, I'll manage, I'm not a child."

"Dean-"

"Go to bed Dad, I could use the alone time alright? Use my room tonight I'll take the couch…."

"Dean… No…"

"I'm not going to argue with you about this."

"I just-"

"I'll be fine dad, now go."

"If you say so…." John rose to his feet realizing his hand was still resting on his son's forearm he gave it a small squeeze before retreating into the hallway. "Good night son."

Dean listened to the soft click of the bedroom door shutting and exhaled loudly a breath he didn't even realize he was holding in so deep, Reaching forward he picked up the remote and increased the volume on the television attempting to let the voice of Fred Sanford drowned out the thoughts in his head.

But it was no use, the louder the volume of the tv got the louder his thoughts seemed to scream at him, and Dean wished that he too could take off, could run away and never look back, he wished that he could leave this damn contraption that was holding him hostage, leave this damn imbecile that he had become behind and just start over new. But that was a fools wish, he had been dealt the cruel hand of fate and he had no choice but to sit and face it like the shell of a person he had become.

He let his mind drift to a long way from here, and relish in the thoughts of normalcy that might have been had today gone as he had hoped and not as he had feared like it did. If only he could stand up and walk out of this damn chair, if only he could make this all go away…. If only things were different.

And at that moment there alone in his sorrows Dean realized that Sam had been right…. His father had been right, and he had been a fool… He hadn't faced this yet, he had been mentally running from this whole situation…He had been playing pretend… Spending so much time away from the situation, spending so many hours wishing himself out of this chair that he hadn't been facing reality, he hadn't been fighting this fight… He'd simply been waiting for it to disappear.

And this made him angrier then ever, how could he have been so stupid? So selfish, so naive?

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud against the front door followed very abruptly by the sound of rattling keys, and the low mumbled cursing of a very familiar voice. Leaning down he took his brake off and made his way toward the front door before unlocking it and pushing it open.

The sight before him causing his heart to constrict in pain.

Sam was sluggishly leaning against the door frame fighting against his uncooperative coordination with the keys in his hand. Even with the door frame holding him up his body swayed and the strong stench of liquor filled Dean's senses in an instant as it poured from his brother's lips his blood shot and half opened eyes looking up only slightly.

"Dean-o!" He slurred heavily even in his obviously drunken state it was a painful smile that found it's way to his lips. "I seems to have miss placed my house key…" He hiccupped lowly and Dean eyed the bottle clutched in his brothers free hand.

"I see." Dean whispered reaching forward and griping the bottle taking it without much resistance and placing it in his lap before reaching forward and forcing his brother away from the doorframe having to use an immense amount of strength to keep Sam from toppling over on top of him and knocking them both over. "Let's get you inside…." His words were strained.

"Sorry…." Sam mumbled wavering and attempting to reach for the bottle in Dean's lap.

"I bet…" Dean grunted and slapped Sam's hand, "You've had enough of that… Now I need your help here man try to sober up enough to get inside here will you…."

"I'm sobbber." Sam chide, "I dun't drink remember?"

"Yes I remember, but you obviously neglected to, you smell like a liquor cabinet man."

"Sorry…." Sam repeated. "Jus neededa get away…."

"Well you succeeded little brother, your farther away then I've ever seen you before." Dean had finally managed to get Sam into the living room and toward the sofa using one hand to keep him upright with nearly no help at all and the other hand to steer his chair, he dumped the younger man on to the sofa and off of his unsteady legs.

"You're a good brother Dean…." Sam mumbled leaning his head back against the soft and welcoming fabric of the couch and letting it lull there for a minute before speaking again, "Always take good care of me."

Dean rolled his eyes and cleared his throat pulling his brother's leg up into his lap and taking his shoe off before doing the same to his other foot, "Whatever you say Sammy…"

"We needa get you to bed…" Sam protested mildly and sat up a little smirking as the room began to dance before his eyes, "Pretty colors…" He grumbled,

"Your not moving from this sofa." Dean's voice was firm as he placed a hand on Sam's chest.

"You need help." Sam's head cocked to the side a little and he blinked a few times waiting for his brother's face to stop moving so much there were three…. Four… two… four Dean's staring disapprovingly at him,

"I'll handle it." The older brother took the blanket from the arm of the couch and placed it over the inebriated man

"No…Can't…." Sam tried as best he could to put on a serious face so many thoughts mixing with the alcohol in his head, "You can't walk…." He stated as though it were some brand new realization that smacked him upside his head, "You need my help…. You can't walk, and I'm sorry."

Dean frowned, "No I can't… but I'll manage…."

"I'm sorry…"

"You keep saying that," Dean tried to keep the annoyance from his voice, "But you don't have anything to be sorry for Sammy."

"Do too!" Sam pointed an unsteady finger in Dean's direction. "This."

"Sam." Dean sighed running a hand over his chin, "Get some sleep alright."

"Lissen to me!!!!" Sam growled forcing his body forward as Dean began to move away from him and placing a hand on his wheel to stop him.

"Your drunk." Dean retorted no longer hiding the anger in his words.

"Numb." Sam corrected, "Well wanted to be numb… didn't work."

Dean closed his eyes for a minute and then opened them again, his brother was always the emotional one, always the one who was sharing and caring and he was drunk, the few times he managed to get that way, it was no different… it was simply more so,… There were no walls and no barriers everything just flew from him like a flock of eagles. "Sleep Sammy…." He begged.

"My bullet." Sam's voice increased in volume his slurred speech coming out a little clearer then it had been his glassed over eyes filling with anguish and pain once more over shadowing the drunkenness subsiding there. "My bullet you bastard!"

Dean swallowed and leaned down a little prying his brother's fingers from his wheel where they were still placed, "Good night Sam!" He felt his heart beginning to pound, beginning to break all over again,

"MINE!"

"Sammy."

"You always do it….Always have to save me, AND now look what I did that was my bullet, hell it was my fault and do you know what that makes this…..? Do you? You stupid shit?"

"Don't." Dean pleaded finding his hands shaking and unable to break the hold his brother had on his chair as he kept his eyes on the carpet unable to look up unable to see the pain that had eaten his brother and left him nothing more then a mess. "Don't you say it."

"Is my fault." Sam finished his thought as though he hadn't heard a word Dean had pleaded to him, his tone strong and matter of fact like.

"It's not."

"I did this…. I did it, and I wanna take it back but I can't and it hurts….."

"Sam, that's enough." Dean forced his eyes up, sickness rising inside of him as he met his brother's eyes only to see more tears flowing down his cheeks now, "This is not your fault…."

"IT IS! I DID IT!!!!" Dean's eyes shot toward the hall, toward the room where his father was sleeping as he put a finger to his lips, "Sam shhhhh, your going to wake dad, and then this is only going to get worse…."

"So?! I deserve it, I see in his eyes, he knows I did this too…."

"Stop saying that." Dean's jaw clenched and he immediately brought his attention back to his brother, "This is no ones fault aside from this redneck bastards who shot me alright, and you need to get that through your thick ass skull…"

"But-"

"No." Dean scolded, "No more buts no more tears, no more blame alright???? Sam you didn't fing do this ti me and I won't let you blame yourself anymore, what happened happened and we both need to move on, we need to deal and we need to cope, and we need to fight, now if you say that this is your fault one more time I'm gonna knock you into next Tuesday you understand?"

Sam didn't respond as he stared blankly at his brother, Dean wasn't even sure he was comprehending most of this conversation, and he wondered how much of it he was going to remember tomorrow when he was suffering from a hang over of epic proportions.

"I-I'm sorry."

Dean's fists balled in his lap and he popped his neck, "Stop saying that,"

"Dean-" Sam shut his eyes and Dean listened as his breathing labored slightly, a sign that he was only moments from blissful unconsciousness.

"Hmm?"

"It should have been me…. " He swallowed hard, and it was a second before he finished his thoughts trying to piece them back together through his drunken hazed mind, "No matter…. What you say…. It was my bullet, and it should have been me…."

Dean thought about knocking the shit out of his little brother his fists only squeezing tighter now as he looked at him lax and listless against the sofa, he wanted to pound his face in, to beat some sense into him and make him understand…. But yet he didn't move, he didn't so much as blink, he just sat there and watched as Sam's chest began to rise and fall with a rhythmic tone telling his brother that he was fast asleep and his mind was for once at rest.

A few tears fell silently from Dean's eyes now as he sat there next to his brother's sleeping form and watched over him helplessly.

- John lay surrounded by the darkness in his son's bed listening to the sounds of fading voices in the living room, anger was laying just below the surface of his entire body as his jaw clenched and unclenched, he was not use to being this helpless, this damn useless when it came to any aspect of his life… And he refused to believe that he was going to be this time around either.

Rising to his feet he grabbed his cell phone from his pants pocket and sat back on the bed dialing a number and putting the phone to his ear…

_"Hello?" _Came a tired greeting after the second ring.

"Caleb? It's John…. I need a favor."


	11. Chapter 11

-1**Bar Fights & Bullets**

_Chapter 11_

Sam's eyes opened slowly the fallowing morning a pounding behind his eyes an instant alarm as he grunted loudly and wiped a hand over his face, he felt as though his head were only seconds from exploding, the taste of the pervious nights alcohol consumption still bathing his tongue. This was all a blunt reminder of why he didn't drink, why he despised alcohol and it's last effects.

A frown creased the corners of his mouth as he shifted slowly and found his brother sleeping restlessly uncomfortable next to the sofa. Dean was still propped up in his wheelchair his neck bent at an odd angle lulling backwards .

"Damn-it." Sam cursed himself quietly for being so irresponsible as he rose to his feet attempting to be as quiet as he could and fought off the wave of nausea that smacked into him from his gut and into his mouth. He made his way soundlessly on clumsy legs around his brother and toward the bathroom.

Dean's senses were on high alert as he heard his brother's feet crunching against the carpet, immediately pulling him from his light and restless slumber, opening one eye he couldn't help but smirk at the sight of his disheveled and obviously hung over brother. An image that he found strangely satisfying, after all Sam had been amused and purposely annoying every time that the situation had been reversed.

Hearing the bathroom door close the older brother leaned down his limbs stiff from the nights sleeping arrangements and pulled the brake off, "Coffee… Yes lots of coffee…" He whispered clearing his throat. Making his way into the kitchen he set about making a fresh pot of the sobering liquid pleased with how easily he was able to move about now that John had rearranged the kitchen so that it was more accessible to him.

Sam dropped to his knees silently and lowered his head into the 'porcelain god' clutching the sides of it as his stomach lurched and liquid began to pour freely from his mouth accompanied by heaving sounds that came out much louder then he would have liked.

"Never again." He mumbled to himself wiping at his mouth a few minutes later when he was sure his stomach had emptied and allowing his limbs to collapse fully against the cool welcoming tiles of the small bathroom. He closed his eyes and exhaled loudly willing for the throbbing of his head to subside, even though he knew it was what he deserved , he knew that he should be punished any and everyway possible.

After switching the coffee pot to on Dean glanced to the closed bathroom door and shook his head making his way closer to it he knocked softly, "Sammy?"

"hmmm?" Came a weak and half conscious reply.

"I'm opening the door…"

"Dean-" Sam's retort came to late his older brother pushed the bathroom door open and cast his eyes downward crossing his arms over his chest at the sad pathetic sight of the man crumpled against the floor curled almost completely into a ball….

"How you feeling?" He asked smugly using his humor to mask his concern as he found their conversation from only hours before playing again in his mind, screaming at him like the nagging voice of an old woman.

Sam let his eyes answer his brother's ridiculous inquiry as he forced himself back to a sitting position and flushed the toilet. "I bet you think this is hilarious…."

"Sam! I'm offended…." Dean chuckled and wiggled his brows "Okay, yeah I'm a little amused…"

"I bet." Sam had now made it from his ass to his knees as he began to slowly crawl around his brother.

"On your feet…." Dean sighed and reached out a little gripping his brother under the armpit and hoisting him up. "I know you feel like your dying, but I guarantee your going to be just fine…."

"little men are dancing on my brain." Sam grumbled as he put his hands on his brother's forarms using Dean's strength to force his legs steady.

"Little tequila bottles." Dean corrected

"Those too…"

"Can you make it back to the couch now?"

Sam nodded and immediately regretted doing so as he swallowed hard to keep more sickness from rising into his throat.

"Good… I've started some coffee, You go sit down and I'll bring you some…."

"Dean…."

"Hmmm?"

"Last, Um last night… Did I…You know?"

"Did you what?" Dean asked playing innocent and popping his still stiff neck from side to side looking up at his little brother,

"Did I say anything,…That might embarrass myself?" His cheeks pinked even at the thought, the many things he might of spilled to his brother flashing across his mind.

Dean shook his head smiling, "Nothing I didn't already know…."

"Like what?" Sam prodded his brows coming together in question.

"Like nothing…" Dean shot back and gripped his brother's arm as Sam wavered a little, "Now go sit down before you fall down will you…"

"That's not fair." Sam's lips fell into a pout and he pulled from his brothers grasp.

"Not fair?…." Dean scoffed a little, "It's totally fair."

"I said these things, I have a right to know what I said…"

"If they were important enough you would have remembered! Besides I already told you, you didn't spill anything I didn't already know… So just relax will you?"

"Your evil, pure evil…" Sam slid past him unsteadily and headed back toward the sofa.

"I know." Dean made his way back to the kitchen and had just finished pouring two cups off coffee when their father emerged from the hallway.

John surveyed his boy's quickly, Sam was currently sprawled out lazily on the sofa engulfed by the softness of it's cushions, his eyes closed his skin pale with sickness, Dean was making his way into the living room two cups of coffee impressively balanced in his lap. John had found a renewed hope in the conversation he had with Caleb the previous night, and it showed in his demeanor as he leaned against the frame of the living room entrance. "Morning boys."

Even with his new found happiness and courage however he still found himself resisting the urge to scold his youngest for the show he had heard taking place the night before, John understood the pain, he understood the need to escape,… Hell After Mary's death he spent well over a week in a drunken stupor before Bobby finally rescued him… But Sam, Sam was the sensible one, even in the most strenuous situation he kept his head on straight. He Kept his mind on the rational side and understood the way life worked….

So this Sam, this pain filled tortured reflection of a once optimistic man, was something new for John Winchester to cope with, he wanted to yell at him to shake the sense back into him, to make him understand the error of his ways, instead though, instead he was just going to pretend that he knew nothing about the night before, that he had been asleep and hadn't heard the desperate and pained drunken cries of a guilt ridden soul.

"Morning…" Both boys answered in unison pulling John from his rambling thoughts.

"Either one of you sleep a wink last night, you look like hell…" He stated pouring himself a cup of coffee before joining them in the living room.

"We were up talking," Dean's answer was quick and thoughtless, and it scared John how his son could lie to him with so much ease without a stutter or a second thought, he was smooth, like his mother had been, and he could make anything sound like gods honest truth effortlessly.

"I see…" Their father sipped his coffee sliding down next to Sam and putting a hand on his knee causing his youngest son's eyes to open, "You gave us quite the scare last night Sammy…"

"I know…"

"Never do that again…"

"Yes sir…"

"So boys…" John ran a hand through his hair and looked from Sam to Dean and back again, "I made a decision last night… And I think it's time we take a little trip."

"Dad Dean can't-"

"Sure he can…."

"Where did this suddenly come from?"

"Well. I got a call from Caleb last night, and he needs our help." The words poured from the eldest Winchester's mouth with such ease that in the back of his mind he realized that it was not Mary that Dean had developed his knack for honest sounding fibs from but in fact him…. He knew though, that if he told the truth, if he told his boys, Dean especially the truth,…

That there would be no way he would go along with it and that the only chance he might have to save both his son's would go right down the proverbial drain.

"You mean like a hunt?" Sam drew his li into his mouth.

"Of sorts, yes…." John nodded, "This is something he can't do on his own, and he needs our help."

"Does he know that I'm crippled?" Dean questioned without even thinking about it, "I mean I'm not exactly in hunting mode right now…"

"He knows, and he said he needs your help too."

"What the hell am I going to do?"

"I don't know… I didn't ask." He sighed, "Look boys, I know it's been a while, but Caleb is our friend and he needs our help so we are going to help him, and that's an order."

"Yes sir." Both boys answered with a nod.

"So after breakfast We head out, pack a few things into the Van and -"

"No." Dean barked out interrupting

"What do you mean no?" John's voice teetered on the edge of anger and surprise.

"We're not taking the van." He stated bluntly,

"Dean-" Sam sighed.

"I'm not leaving her here, god knows how long we will be gone for and she goes where I go do you understand me? And besides it wouldn't seem right taking a road trip in some other mom mobile… I'd be betraying her.."

"You do realize that it's just a-"

"Shut up Sam" Dean warned, "We're taking the Impala and that's all there is to it."

"But Dean, how are we going to be able to fit what you need…"

"We'll just take a few things out of the trunk." John offered up chiming into the conversation, he could seed the want and the need in Dean's eyes and there was no way he was going to disappoint him.

"Fine." Sam threw his hands up in the air in defeat, "I'm obviously outnumbered…"

A smile pressed at Dean's lips at the thought of traveling down the road again, cradled in the leather interior of his one true love, it would feel like old times, it would feel like nothing had changed, he would feel like himself again…It would be good for him.

John watched the twinkle sparkling in his son's eye and silently prayed that everything go right this time, that he could keep that sparkle there and breathe life back into his little boy….

_I know that some of you might have thought I fell off the face of the earth, but with the hiatus the show went on I too took a small one, but I'm back now and so is Bar Fights, thank you all so much for your lovely replies to the last chapter and I hope you enjoyed this one just as much, and I really hope I didn't lose all my readers with my time away. As always let me know what you are thinking, the good the bad and the ugly I want it all._

_Rosebud_


	12. Chapter 12

-1**Bar Fights & Bullets**  
_Chapter 12_

The windows were down, the fresh morning air rushing in from both sides of him, Dean found himself momentarily at peace as his body was engulfed by her plush and welcoming leather seats, the smell of her the sheer smell of her causing a tingle to work it's way up what he could still feel of his spine.

This was heaven, she was his, his baby, she understood him, she never talked back to him, she never fought with him, and she was always dependable… Which was more then Dean could say about nearly all the women he had dated.

Aside from the impala's melodious purr ringing through the ears of the three men contained inside her the ride was completely silent, each Winchester finding themselves traveling through there own thoughts, there own hopes and there own confusions about this whole situation.

Sam had had more then one reservation about bringing Dean back out into the hunting world… But his father had agreed to it so therefore Sam had no choice but to go along with it as well. From where he sat in the back corner behind his father, he glanced up toward the rearview mirror and cocked his head a little to the side…

Yep, something was definitely wrong here, his father was smiling, full on pearly whites showing, cheeks glowing it's a peach picking day… Smiling.

"You alright back there?" John's smile immediately faded as he noted his son's questioning glance bearing into him through the rearview.

"Fine… Just a little restless, can't wait to get to Caleb's and stretch out, you know?" Sam's stealth tongue was at it again, and John seemed more then satisfied with the answer as he turned his face back to the road.

"And I'm sure it had noting to do with the amount of booze you consumed last night…" Dean mumbled to himself not loud enough to be heard over the roar of the Impala.

"What was that?" John shifted a little looking over at him.

"Nothin'." Dean cleared his throat before allowing his eyelids to shut and rolling his neck from side to side, silence once more swallowing him and those surrounding him, returning that blissful feeling to his insides and relaxing his soul.

- It was only about another hour and a half before John finally pulled in front of the mid-sized dilapidated home of their close family friend Caleb, he was one of the few family friends that they had left, and one of only three men that John himself trusted these days. 

As he shut off the engine the eldest of the Winchester men smiled to himself, he had gotten them here, had gotten Dean here without much suspicion, without much question, the hardest part of the battle was still yet to come, but at least it was a battle half fought now.

John climbed from the front seat as a man slightly shorter and scrawnier then he appeared on the porch.

Caleb Masters was a good eight years younger then John, but that did not make him any less knowledgeable when it came to this whole Demon hunting thing, he was the Winchester's strongest connection, and without him they would no doubt be lost.

Sam watched as his father and Caleb connected in the middle of the small yard with a hand shake fallowed by one of those manly I'm not hugging you… but yes I'm hugging you one armed embraces, before cranking the drivers seat forward and extracting himself from the small open space.

"I see you still remember how to get here…"

"Yours is the only house for about half a mile how could we miss it?" John teased

Caleb smiled and then let his eyes roam over John's shoulder to glance at the Impala. Sam was currently making his way around the back of it to the trunk and retrieving Dean's chair before making his way to the front passengers side to rouse his older brother from a much needed slumber.

"How's he… How are they doing?" He asked quietly sticking his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looking back toward John.

"Everyday is a new struggle…." John thought about elaborating on that statement but chose not to with a small shake of his head.

"I still can't believe… I mean bullets, these boys face the unexplainable demon world everyday, and Dean, he's one of the most cautious and careful hunters out there… For him to go down like that was just….A shock."

"Just tell me you made the appointment."

Caleb nodded and drew his lip into his mouth, "Tomorrow night…How does Dean feel about…"

"Shhhh.." John silenced him as his boys made there way closer to them Sam pushing Dean effortlessly from behind through the fresh cut lawn.

Caleb's brow rose in suspicion toward John but he said nothing as he smiled in the direction of the Winchester brothers, "Hey boys."

"Caleb." They returned the welcome in unison with a single worded greeting, Dean still wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Why don't you uh come on inside? I ordered a pizza about a half an hour ago so it should be here in about another forty minutes…. "

"Have you ever thought about relocating to actual civilization Caleb?" Dean questioned jokingly before stopping at the bottom of the porch. The lead up to the house was graced with 5 deep wooden steps. "Damn-it" He cursed under his breath.

John and Caleb who had taken the steps without a second thought turned around identical looks of pity staring in Dean's direction.

"I'm sorry, I just you know…. It's only me here… And…I don't really have company…And."

"It's fine Caleb really…" Sam soothed noticing the man's cheeks turning red in embarrassment, 

"Yeah, I mean not everywhere I go these days are they cripple friendly… I'm used to it."

Caleb couldn't help but notice the ice in Dean's statement and it bit at his heart as he looked toward John whose eyes were now masking sadness, "This must be the new Dean you were telling me about…" He whispered under his breath.

"Mhmmm" John gave a single nod and then stepped forward and down a few steps lifting the bottom of his son's chair and hoisting it up the stairs slowly Sam grabbing the back side and doing the same.

"I feel like an over sized television… Just please don't drop me I'm already broken enough."

Caleb's frown deepened as he watched John and Sam struggle to get the chair up the stairs and moved forward to help grabbing one of the sides. He thought momentarily about what the Winchesters used to be like… And then about how they seem to be now, causing a sickness to creep its way into his throat.

He let his eyes rest on Dean for a minute once they finally got the chair on to the porch and set it down, he used to be so strong…. So lively, even when he was only 10 years old, he was just this amazing young man, so full of will, so full of power so determined….

But now, now as Caleb looked at him all he saw were broken pieces of that boy, that man, the soul that he once was, and he found himself praying that John's plan would work… Hoping that he could help in someway restore life to this shattered reflection of Dean Winchester before him.

"So…Pizza huh?" Sam resumed his chair pushing as they made there way into the entrance of the house.

"Yeah well… you know I figure everyone likes pizza…"

"Tell me you ordered more then one though…" John smirked a little attempting to lighten the mood, "These two can finish off a large on their own, they have bottomless pits where their stomachs should be…."

"Do I look stupid to you?" Caleb grinned, "I used to baby sit these boys remember? I know how much they can eat…. And I also remembered to replace their forks with shovels so they can get it in faster…."

"I don't know about you Dean, but I think I'm a little insulted," Sam tried his best to sound hurt as he looked down at his brother immediately taking note of the discomfort in Dean's expression and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah," Dean shifted a little trying to ease the tension resting between his shoulder blades and the nauseated feeling swimming around in his stomach, he hated being seen like this, he hated this whole situation. Caleb should not have to look at him, hell no one should, not like this. "Well you know when we get these two together, their favorite pass time is to pick on us Sammy, you would think as we got older they would let up… but I think it's only getting worse as the years go on." He tried to push his self pity thoughts out of his head his voice hallow.

"Don't worry it won't be long now until they will be old enough for us to stick them in one of those has been homes where we only have to go and visit them once a week if that, and listen to them bicker about the days that once were."

"HEY!" Both John and Caleb retorted almost instantly.

"We will make sure it's a nice one, you know with those senior activities and Friday night dancing classes."

"And lots of white haired wrinkly old-"

"Dean you finish that statement and your sleeping on the porch." John cut him off quickly with a glare. He knew his son's mind all to well and he knew that the last word to that statement was not going to be ladies.. And it was not going to be pleasant.

Dean chuckled to himself causing Sam to fallow suit the two older men in front of them shaking their heads.

"Let me show you to the guest room." Caleb decided now would be a great time for a subject change as he cleared his throat.

"We've spent so much of our lives here, I think we know our way around the place…"

Caleb nodded, "It's just you know I don't want to seem un-hosty or anything,"

"Oh please, just tell me you go rid of those Thomas the Tank Engine sheets you had me pick out when we were like 6, and everything will be fine and dandy."

"Well Sammy, I had taken them off, but with the way you two have been acting I'm contemplating putting them right back… I still have them somewhere you know, they can't be that hard to find."

"No." Dean cringed at the thought of those horrid ABC 123 Thomas the Tank Engine sheets Sam had picked out, the image still carved into his mind, he had seen a lot of scary things in his life... But those took the cake.

Caleb smirked. "Okay then."

"You two go on ahead and catch up, Dean and I can get settled on our own." Sam began pushing Dean into the back of the house and down the hallway leaving John and Caleb to their own discussion.

- "This place is just as I remember it." Sam whispered closing the door behind himself and looking around the medium sized guest room. There were two twin sized beds that Caleb had bought for them over 16 years ago so that when their father was out on a hunt that would take longer then a night or two they had a safe and protected place to sleep and food in their mouths.

When the boys were children this had been their second home, in fact it was the only resemblance to a home that Sam had ever known.

"It seems smaller…." Dean cranked his neck up and looked around there was still a baseball and glove wallpaper border around the top of the room and there was still a stupid painting of a kid and his dog on the far left wall… Everything…. Everything looked the same, only smaller. From the blue and red window curtains to the small black and white TV on the crooked old school desk. The only thing that had changed, as promised, was the bed sheets.

"Yeah, well of course it does…." Sam smirked a little taking a seat on the foot of 'his' bed. "But I mean, it's all the same… do you think anyone has even slept in here since the last time we did?"

Dean rolled his eyes, "Yeah Sam, because Caleb is such a socialite, I'm sure he has house guests almost nightly."

"It was just a question." Sam scoffed and stood once more a small smile playing on the corner of his lips as he looked around.

"What's up with you?" Dean looked toward him his brow going up in typical Dean fashion.

"Nothin… It's just good to be back here…"

"Yeah well, don't go wetting yourself or anything, this isn't some vacation Sammy, we are here to work a job remember? I mean I know it's been a while but …Demon's, forces of darkness…. Ringing any bells?"

"I know…I know…" The younger man shook his head,

"So lets go see what we're dealing with here shall we? I mean it's got to be big if Caleb called us out of retirement for help…"

"Retirement?" Sam's voice was filled with surprise at the single word.

"Yeah…" Dean drew his lip into his mouth hesitantly. "I mean let's face it Sammy…. You're trying, and I'm trying… But the doctors I'm sure are right on this one, there's-"

"You don't believe that Dean."

"How do you know? Are you the one trapped in this worthless body?"

"I know you and I know the fight you've been putting up."

"Yeah, well… we'll see won't we?"

- "So…" Caleb looked, really looked at his friend of over twenty years, John's hair was longer then usual his skin lighter then he remembered it ever being before, and he was more then a little ragged around the edges so to speak, "How are you holding up."

John thought for a minute about all the possible answers to that question, the pain he was suppressing deep down inside, the desperation he felt through out his entire body, the anger, the sadness, the million and one negative emotions that coursed like a horrid drug through his veins and cleared his throat, "I'm still standing…" His tone was less then confident.

"Well, that's a start I suppose… But really man, I mean…" Caleb prodded lightly, "How are YOU doing?"

John sighed and shook his head, "I just want this whole thing to be over… It's like a nightmare that I can't wake up from…"

The younger of the two men made his way toward the couch, "You haven't told him the real reason you are here have you?"

"He wouldn't have agreed to it…"

"Your going to have to tell him."

John nodded, "I know." There was a long pause before he spoke again, "I would do anything to give him back his life, I can't stand seeing him like this anymore… He's fighting so hard, and he's failing, failure is not an option for Dean."

"This was a rough deal."

"If, this doesn't work-"

"He's the best in his field John."

"I know that, but if- I can't bare to think of what it's going to do to him."

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" Caleb questioned seeing the pain and the doubt in John's eyes as he spoke.

"What choice do I have? I can't just sit by and watch him continue to deteriorate, you saw what he's become Caleb, it's like… He's not even my son anymore."

"You still have to get him to agree to go."

"He'll go…" John's voice was determined and strong a quick change from the mellow and defeated tone he had only seconds before been speaking in, "I'll make him go…"

"Well, the appointment is tomorrow night, so you still have over a day to talk to him about it, Dr. Siere is quite confident that he can help, he's healed many people worse off…."

- Dean's blood ran cold, turning to ice in his veins as they made their way back into the front room just in time to hear the last statement pour from Caleb's lips. His jaw setting, his heart racing, anger surging through his entire body even the parts he could no longer feel…

He had been lied to, his father had lied to him.

Sam stood directly behind his brother the same shock and disbelief written across his own face at what he had just heard, "Dean…" He whispered reaching out to re-grasp the handle of his brothers chair but falling short as Dean shot into the living room eyes red with fury.

"A Doctor?!?" He spat out venomously

John and Caleb's conversation immediately halted at the words of anger coming from behind them, both men turning to see Dean glaring at them.

"Dean I-"

"So there's no hunt then? You drug me out here to this shit splat town to see some doctor?!?" He wanted to yell, to scream, his hands were shaking he was so mad.

"Dean please."

"You lied to me?"

"This isn't just some doctor Dean, Doctor Sieree specializes in the healing process, he's a… healer."

"Oh yeah, because those always work out good." The chair bound man scoffed closing his eyes tightly before opening them again and swallowing hard Sam still standing in the doorframe watching silently as the whole thing unfolded. "Do you remember the last healer I visited? Because I sure as hell do!"

"He's not that kind of healer Dean…"

"Oh really? Then enlighten me here pop. What kind of healer is he exactly???"

"He's a- Well, a witch doctor…"

Dean's hands balled into fist his teeth clanking together and gritting so loud Sam swore he could hear them from where he stood.

"Please Dean, hear your father out." Caleb's voice was small even as he attempted to sound reassuring.

A stabbing pain found it's way into Dean's chest the world in front of him blurring and spinning as through he were only moments from unconsciousness.

How could he do this? How could his own father lie to him, he knew how Dean felt about these sort of things, he knew what this whole situation was doing to him, even if he had not come right out and said it… He knew…And yet he proceeded to push.

Blinded by anger, mind racing Dean spun his chair toward the front door his adam's apple bobbing as he fought for breath after breath, "I-I have to get out of here…"

"Son please…"

"Dean-" Sam rushed forward but was to slow.

His mind was so clouded with his own feelings, so overwhelmed, Dean had completely forgotten about the 5 deep wooden steps from the porch to his freedom and before he could stop it… before he could realize what was happening, the already distraught and angered man found himself smacking down the steps, falling down each one until he was finally met with the not so comforting grass below, smacking into him like a ton of bricks and robbing him of all the air in his lungs.

Tears formed but did not fall as he willed himself to pass out the weight of his confining chair baring down on top of him like a burden to heavy to carry.

Sam's face contorted in horror as he watched his brother chair and all fly down the steps one after another before halting in a motionless heap at the bottom…

"Dean…." He raced down the steps his father and Caleb on his heals. "Oh god Dean…" He felt his heart fall to his feet as he stopped at the bottom and knelt down next to the mangled mess consiting of his brother and pieces of metal, "Dean can you hear me?"

"Damn-it." Was the only shaky response he received which was at least enough to signify that his brother was still alive.

"Alright…" Sam rose back to his feet and looked toward his father for help trying to keep the worry from his voice, "Let's get him up…" John remained silent as he and Caleb went to one side Sam on the other and the three men lifted the chair so that it was right side up once more.

It was only then that they realized that the seat belt had busted and therefore Dean was still face first in the grass.

Immediately John knelt down to lift his conscious yet silent son, to cradle him, and protect him. "Dean…"

"Don't touch me." Even through his shaking tone the venom of his words was still present and still stung like a bee stinger through John's heart.

"I'll handle this." Sam whispered trying to ignore the pain in his father's eyes.

John nodded backing away as Sam carefully knelt down and scooped dean up just as he had before quite a few times to move him for bed to chair or chair to bed…

This time though, this time was different, painful for both men. One hand behind his back and one hand under his knees Sam fought to keep his hands from shaking pressing Dean aganst himself to brace them both.

"You'll have to take him back inside…." Caleb whispered before swallowing the lump in his throat, "The wheels busted up, there's no way it'll hold him."

"Can you fix it?" Sam asked noticing the look of pain on his brother's face worsen.

"Yeah, I got some tools, shouldn't take more then a few hours…"

Sam nodded and moved past Caleb and his father making his way slowly up the stairs and into the house, "Couch or bed?"

"Bed." Dean mumbled.

Another nod was all that Sam could muster, as they made there way back to the guest room.

Sam laid Dean on the bed and took a seat next to him, studying him not only for external wounds from his fall, but for internal wounds as well. "You alright?"

"Peachy." The older brother scoffed.

"Dean…"

"I'm fine Sam, stop looking at me like that will you?"

"I'm not looking at you like anything…"

"Yes you are, your looking at me like I'm some broken glass window in need of your repair…."

Sam tore his eyes from his brother and popped his neck, it was time to be firm, time to make him listen, time to stand up to him, something that Sam had never been good at doing. "Dean listen…"

"Get out."

"Not until you hear what I have to say."

Dean rolled his eyes and grunted, "I don't want to hear it right now Sammy… Please just get out."

"Well that's to bad now isn't it? I'm not leaving until You Hear me out."

"Sam." Dean's voice was more of a growl now.

Sam looked back to his brother, "Maybe you should give this a try…"

"WHAT?!?!"

"It can't hurt to try..."

"C'mon Sam, don't tell me your taking his side in all this."

"I'm not taking anyone's side man, I'm sideless.. But seriously what if this guy can help you?"

"And what if he can't."

"But what if he can?"

"Sam." Dean sat up and rested against the headboard, "I know that you feel guilty about this alright, you think it is your fault and you want it all to go away to ease your own mind at night…" Dean frowned at the look of pain now peering back at him, "But come on man a witch doctor? I just… I don't think I can handle another disappointment like the last one…."

"we came all this way…"

"Please…" Dean closed his eyes and when he opened them there were tears, real tangible tears rimming over onto his cheeks, "Sammy…"

Sam reached over and placed a hand on his brother's forearm the closest the two of them would ever come to comforting eachother when both of them were in a coherent state. "Just this last time Dean… Please? If this doesn't work…. If he can't help you, I promise no more doctors. I won't even make you PT anymore if you don't want to…"

Dean wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, he hated that Sam had those big brown puppy dog eyes that were definitely his kryptonite, he hated that pleading tone his little brother used to get him to agree to almost anything, and he hated not being able to protect him anymore…. "That's pretty risky there little brother, you sure you want to make that deal?"

"What can I say? I have faith man…"

"Well… I just hope your faith is enough to pull the both of us through this…" He sighed reluctantly.

Sam's expression turned hopeful, his eyes growing in size as his whole face lit up almost instantly, "So you'll do it??"

Dean grunt, "Yes Sam. I'll do it...bitch."

"Jerk." Sam chuckled.

"Besides I really don't want another scene like today's it's bringing down my cool stealth quota."

"Yeah… right…" Sam's grin grew "Like you were ever cool before…"

Dean's face filled with mock surprise. "Ow Sammy, that hurts,"

"I'll bet, now try to get some rest will you, I'm gonna go tell dad the good news and see if I can help them with the wheel…"

"Don't touch my wheels man, I know you and tools…"

"HEY!" Sam grunted, "The bars held up!"

"Lucky shot."

Dean closed his eyes sliding himself back into the bed, he made up his mind then and there, he was going to do this, not for himself but for Sam. Maybe a little for his lying father as well, but mostly for Sam and therefore he would go into it expecting nothing…

He would give it as much of his all as he had left, but he was not going to raise his hopes up again to have them come crashing down, he was not going to excite himself over the slim chance that this time might be different then the last… He was not that naive.

__

Alright there you have it, all nine pages of it. I thank you so much for your last reviews you know that they push me to keep going, I hope you enjoyed this chapter just as much as the last. Let me have it, the good the bad and the indifferent I want to know… and I know I said no Supernatural stuff, but to me a witch Doctor is something that people actually believe in so I felt it safe to use him, although we may end up with a touch of SN in here.


	13. Chapter 13

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 13_

The next 24 plus hours went by relatively quiet aside from idle conversation, there was not much to be said after all… The plan had been made John was going to attempt to save the day once again… Attempt tp save his son from the grim reality suddenly placed so heavily upon him.

Dean found himself drifting in and out of hopeful thoughts, after each one would appear he would quickly dismiss it and reprimand himself for such foolish and idiotic thoughts, he was not some naïve optimist, he was a realist, and he was not going to allow himself to believe something that he thought to be a one in a million chance.

Sam though, Sam had a different perspective on the situation, and every time Dean met his gaze, every time he looked at him, for the first time since the 'accident' there was happiness, happiness and hope inside of him. Dean admired, envied and hated that about his baby brother all in one. How he could believe so much in something, how he could have so much faith in the impossible, so innocent…

- "It's time to go…" John cleared his throat knocking on the back bedroom door his son's were currently occupying before pushing it open just a crack and sticking his head in.

Dean was freshly showered, shaved and dressed wearing a pair of blue jeans a red button up shirt and of course his signature trademark brown leather jacket. The eldest son nodded in response looking toward the small adjoining bathroom where Sam was finishing up getting himself ready. "Sammy… You ready?"

"Yup." Sam flipped the light off and exit wearing his own version of his brothers outfit. Jeans and a white tee under a blue and white plaid button up shirt.

John looked from one son to the other and shook his head with a small grin, they would never in a thousand years admit it, but his boys were more alike then most twins some days. "Well then lets get a move on shall we?"

"Yes sir." Both boys answered in unison before Sam took his spot behind his brother and began pushing him out into the front of the house.

The ride to Dr. Siere's office was not as far or as long as Dean had hoped as he glanced toward his father in the drivers seat of HIS Impala, Sam once more riding in the back seat. Caleb next to him.

They pulled up to the small rundown office building and Dean's brow rose up in suspicion, "Are you sure he is a healer and not a dealer???"

"Hilarious." John shook his head taking the keys out of the ignition and climbing out of the car, "He's not your everyday doctor, and he refuses to accept money for his services…"

"Are you kidding me?" Dean scoffed, "If this guy can do as he claims he can, then he needs to cash in on the big bucks."

"Not everything is about money Dean." Sam retorted as he leaned in and got his brother from the car and into his chair. "There are still good people in this world you know?"

"Says you…"

Caleb shook his head looking over at John, "I see they still bicker like thirteen year old girls."

"Some things are never going to change." John jogged ahead and opened the door for the others to enter first.

Sam noticed the tension in his brothers form and stopped before going in leaning down over the back of the chair and mumbling, "You alright?"

Dean nodded not trusting his own voice to speak, the truth of course being the farthest thing from a simple nod as he felt a chill run through his entire body a feeling of uneasiness settling itself deep into his soul… What he was about to face, where he was about to venture had installed a fear into him unlike any he had felt before…. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of… for once in his life… The unknown.

Sam knew that his brother was full of it, but said nothing as he straightened his posture and pushed him the rest of the way inside.

The small of Sage and Rosemary was strong enough to choke a horse as they entered into the small house like office, candles the only light to be found, the white walls were bathed in their orange luminance glow.

"Spooky." Dean whispered looking at the pictures of angelic figures and naked women along the walls… "And strangely erotic."

"Only you would think about sex in a place like this…." Sam grunted

"No… Only you wouldn't think about sex in a place like this…" Dean corrected finishing his statement just in time as a tall dark skinned, obviously Indian man came around the hallway, he was older somewhere around 70 or so Dean would guess, and like most Indians that Dean had met through out his life his hair was a dark silver and longer then most females.

"Winchester?" He asked, his voice was gruff yet soothing, and in that one single word Dean could hear the knowledge this man must possess.

Caleb nodded, "Yes sir, I'm the one who spoke to you in the phone, Caleb."

The Indian however paid little attention to anyone in the room, anyone that was aside from Dean as he took a few more steps toward the wheelchair bound man and knelt down a little cocking his head to the side.

Dean nearly froze in awe as he got a good look at the man's face now only centimeters from his own, he had lines of age across his leather like flesh, lines that told stories he was sure, his lips were thin and slightly parted, but his eyes, his eyes were the most amazing eyes Dean had ever seen, so dark and so deep, he nearly found himself drowning in them, without a word they said so much…. They were like small orbs of abyss that went on forever and ever and yet they held so much peace so much understanding. A new chill was now creeping into Dean's blood.

"Pain." Dr. Siere whispered, "So much pain and darkness you hold inside."

Sam's jaw opened as he waited for his brother to snap back with some wise crack of a response but when none came, when not a sound was uttered the youngest Winchester's jaw went from open to hitting the floor as he took a step back.

It was only then that the man looked up and gave acknowledgement to John and Caleb with a nod of his head, "You may wait out here, we will not be long."

"I want to-"

The doctor shook his head in Sam's direction, "The protection you've given him ends here, this is your brothers fight… You will wait here."

Sam swallowed down a snippy reply and took even another step back this time closer to his father.

Dean blinked a few times rapidly as if to wake himself from some sort of trance and looked to his brother, "It's okay Sam, I can handle this on my own, you stay here…"

Sam's face contorted a little, this coming from the man who only minutes before didn't want to even step foot in well… wheel in this place? "Okay."

"I hope this works." John whispered to no one in particular as he watched his son disappear down the hallway fallowed very closely behind by the six foot plus Indian witch doctor.

- The hallway was a mirror image of the small front room candles lighting the way bathing the walls, framed pictures along them depicting figures Dean knew represented strength, inner peace and serenity. As he distanced himself further and further from his family in the front room he found himself fighting to hold on to his rough and indifferent interior emotions… Wanting to be strong wanting to fight against hope….

The room he was lead into was small, not quite closet size but close to, there was a bed in it's center, more candles, flowers, herb pots burning in almost every corner and a giant crucifix hanging on the right wall…

Dr. Siere closed the door locking the two of them inside and the rest of the world out before turning to face his young tormented patient, his deep black eyes softening only a little as he looked down at… Into him, "You question the strength of healing." He stated rather then asked.

Dean opened his mouth to reply but was unable to before the elder man spoke again.

"That is alright, your heart believes… You fight it because you always fight… Your life is a battle and you fear losing it."

Dean exhaled a breath long and relieving. A breath he hadn't even realized he was holding in until it escaped his lips.

"A true warrior." Dr. Siere Leaned down and lifted Dean's broken body from the chair with ease placing him on the table. His touch was warm and electrifying the spots where his fingers touched coursing with heat and a comfort Dean had never experienced before. "Your pain is inside… Your body is not all that is broken and there is no band-aid to repair your wounds… They run deep and sting hard no matter how far down you push them."

"Listen doc-"

"Remove your clothes."

"What?" Dean blinked.

"Remove them."

Dean frowned and thought about protesting such a ridiculous request but his inner voice told him this was not a man to butt heads with and so he drew his lip into his mouth and did as he was told stripping off his clothes until he was down to only his boxers and dropping them in a heap on the floor.

"Good." The doctor nodded pleased with this and stepped forward once more easing Dean down on to his stomach before he began to speak again, "This body is your vessel," He ran his fingers over each and every scar on the younger mans back, "It tells your story better then your mouth ever could." He stopped on the large relatively newer scar, obviously the bullets point of entrance and ran his fingers over it carefully…

Dean drew his lip into his mouth swearing that he felt heat against his spine, a sensation he thought long since dead.

"But to heal ones vessel we must first heal ones mind, the pain and anger that you hold inside cripples you beyond repair." The older man drew his hand back from Dean's flesh and picked up a few small stones from a small bowl besides the bed placing them along the scarred skin in front of him.

"You must face these demons as you have faced so many before them, and you must defeat them." He took a step closer to Dean's face and placed a hand on his head closing his eyes as Dean had seen done so many times before in the movies…

But this, this was no movie… The younger mans eyes snapped closed and he drew in a deep aching breath fallowed quickly by several short ones… He fought and he fought to keep them down to keep them inside but he was not strong enough as images…. Memories flooded his mind in an instant.

"Do not fight them, let them come, let them heal we must face our darkest fears….."

_He's four years old again, he's running as fast as he can, the heat against his flesh burning the sound of his baby brother crying in his arms ringing through his ears as he clutches tighter to him and fights his own tears to sooth the distraught infant in his time of need… "It's okay Sammy, your safe now…. I've got you… Shhh.." He bursts through the front door to his child hood home and out into the open air taking in a deep much needed breath and turning around to see everything he knew, every thing that once was his burning before his eyes… He clutches tightly to the still screaming baby, his baby, in his arms, that is all that he knows to do now… He is helpless._

_It's raining, pouring as they stand amongst miles of headstones, lost loved ones of strangers surrounding them as Dean listens to a man dressed in a black robe speaking about god in front of him, talking about his mother, Mary and how good of a woman she was, how she is in heaven now… Dean was young but he knew what heaven meant, it meant that he would never see his mother again, that she was gone to a place to far for him to travel._

_Tears welled in his eyes as he watched an empty casket being lowered into the ground, he knew it was empty because he heard his father talking to someone, his mother had no body, she was gone, stolen from him, a concept he did not understand…._

_He felt the warmth of his tears spilling over his cheeks mixing with the cool rain against his flesh and he fought to stop them, he thought about his mother and the angels she had told him about so many times before, and how she was with them now and not with him… He leans down and scoops up his brother into his arms holding him to his chest, the only part of his mommy he has left in this world… He cradles him, the only thing he knows how to do now….. He is helpless….._

_Sam is nearly 18, the years have flown by and he has raised his brother into quite a young man, Dean is beginning to forget parts of his mother and her memory, but as he looks at him now, his bags packed and ready to go…. He can still see her inside of him, so much of her that there is a tinge of Jealousy inside of him…._

_Sam is leaving today, to better himself and his life, something that Dean was never going to have the chance to do, Dean's life was the hunt, the crusade to find his mothers killer… nothing more and nothing less…_

_He steps in closer to his brother and puts a hand out, he knows that this is the right thing for Sammy, he knows that this is the right thing for all of them, but the pain is still thick and deep inside his soul. "You take care of yourself out there…" His voice is a hallow echo of what it used to be, as he says goodbye to the most important thing in his life._

_Sam's hand is warm, even as there is a slight tremble to his flesh as he nods, and Dean holds it, cradles it as he shakes it, just as he had done so many years before to his baby brother… There is nothing else he can do….. He is helpless._

_He presses his foot to the floor, the engine revving beneath him, he needs to get to Sam, he needs to save his father, the message from his voice mail playing over and over in his head… They were all in trouble, something was happening…. He needed to get to Sam…._

_Without Sam he was alone…. Without Sam he was helpless….._

_Fear, fear was engulfing him as he stood in the house where he had spent his childhood days before watching flames and demons take it out from under him, Fear coursed hard through his veins his hands shaking as he aimed a gun loaded with rock salt at an approaching figure, his brother's voice barely audible…._

"_Dean Don't…" Sam begs still being held against the cupboard, _

"_What? why?"_

"_Because… I know who it is… I can see her now." The words echo like daggers through Dean's mind as his mother's face comes into view she moves in closer to him, and he can see her, he can feel her before him… _

_The ecstasy of this reunion is only seconds long, and Dean's insides scream for forever, for her to stay with him, to be there like she was before…. But he says nothing and soon she is gone… And he is helpless…_

_Sam is missing… Dean is helpless…_

_Sam loses Jess…. Dean is helpless…_

_Dad is missing…. Dean is helpless._

_They are once again outside the bar, the piercing of the bullet against his flesh, the cold tingle of death whispering in his ear…. He can feel it washing over him, voiding his insides of life… His brother's voice is fading…. The warmth of his embrace growing cold,…. The darkness is coming…_

_Dean is dying…. And Dean is helpless…._

_Sam is alone, Sam is unprotected, Sam is afraid, Sam can't go on…. And Dean is helpless…._

_Dean has failed _

Dean's entire body jumped as his eyes opened again and he found sweat bathing his nearly naked flesh, his heart was pounding as it ached and he blinked back tears feeling the doctor s hand slip from his forehead. "Wh-what the hell did you do to me???"

"The poison…We must first draw out the poison."

Dean swallowed repeatedly even with the sweat raining off of him his mouth was dryer then the desert as he looked up at the doctor in amazement, awe, and a little fear.

"You hold tightly to these emotions, these pains and you refuse to let them go, therefore refusing to move forward, you do not strive for yourself Dean Winchester, you fight for the pain."

"Can- Can you just fix me?" he fought the nausea in his stomach rising

Dr. Siere's frown deepened, "You think that this is some miracle? I draw the bullet from your body, but it is only you who can mend your soul and step into the light…"

Dean grunted the belief and the hope he had begun to carry were dwindling back into the reality of it all…

A low mumbled chant began to spill from the doctors lips as he removed the stones from Dean's back and ran his fingers once more along the deep bullet scar; his voice growing louder and louder with each passing moment, words spoken in tongue that Dean knew he would never understand….

Like a flash of lightening, a bolt to his brain, Dean screamed loud and painful burying his head into the pillow, something… some thing was definitely happening here, but Dean was not sure exactly what that some thing was. An ache, a pain, a pull against his body… The heat of the doctor's fingers now a deep scorching burn ..

And then blackness, welcoming unconsciousness like a punch to his head, Dean was out cold.

The doctor Pulls a sheet from the closet and covered the young man placing a hand once more on his head and whispering a silent prayer for peace and recovery from demons unseen to the naked eye.

Before exiting the room and heading out to find the young souls family.

_So there you have it, I hope you liked it… Did it work, did it fail? Is this the band john had been searching for? One thing is for sure no road traveled by the Winchesters is ever without bumps… so keep that in mind ;). I thank you so much for your replies to the last chapter and I hope you liked this one just as much… remember to be honest. _


	14. Chapter 14

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 14_

Sam, John and Caleb remained waiting in the waiting room for the next hour even after the witch doctor had resurfaced from the back room, he had informed them that he was currently resting, but said nothing more about their session together before disappearing into the back half of the tiny doctors office.

"Dad?" Sam asked putting down his cup of stale coffee and the year old issue of PEOPLE magazine he had been forcing himself to at least try to concentrate on..

"Hmmm?" His son's voice broke through John's mindless thoughts, a welcomed interruption as he turned to look at him, Caleb's attention also being drawn to the younger man.

"What if… You know, this didn't work?"

John's eyes softened, the words from his youngest son's mouth mirroring the thoughts that had been screaming in his head since there arrival here over an hour before. "Then we will deal with that then…" John didn't have a better answer to give then that, he had never been one to have much faith, a little sure, but not enough to share…

"How are we going to pull him through another disappointment?"

"We'll figure it, your brother is strong Sammy-"

"He pretends to be." Sam let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly.

John didn't reply, there was nothing he could say, Sam was right and they all knew it, instead he simply placed a hand on his son's thigh in an attempt to comfort and gave it a small squeeze before traveling back into his thoughts.

- Dean's eyes flew open, a deep intake of breath bringing air rushing into his lungs as he let it out slowly and blinked rapidly looking around the room. It was only a few seconds before he remembered where he was, in Dr. Siere's office, still laying nearly naked on the bed, the smell of burnt candles still lingering ever so slightly in the air. He wondered how long he had been out for, fallowed very quickly by a wondering of exactly how he had gone out in the first place.

Hoisting himself up on to his elbows he swallowed hard and took a minute to gather his bearings blinking into the darkness, was it over? Had his nightmare ended? The feeling of restful sleep fading from his mind and body he slowly shifted himself from his elbows and rolled on to his back his thoughts sliding back to his 'session' with the 'doctor'. _In order to heal your body, you must first heal your soul. _He repeated the phrase over and over to himself, and even as he tried to stop it from playing again it continued.

"Well… Here goes nothing…" His voice was a soft whisper that shook through the silence surrounding him as he sat up slowly and looked down at his legs before him. He swore he could feel something, a sensation in the pads of his feet.

As he drew back the sheet once again ignoring the vomit coming to his throat at the sight of his deteriorated lower limbs, he willed his toes to move, trying so hard to force them that a grunt escaped his lips.

"Screw this." He growled and flung his legs over the side of the bed, if this doctor was any kind of doctor and had done his job, then these should work now, he should be able to walk the hell out of here and never look back… Inner healing or none.

- Hearing small signs that his young patient had once again regained consciousness, Dr. Siere returned to the waiting room and stood in it's entry way clearing his throat. "You." He stuck his finger out in Sam's direction, his eyes showing no room for argument, "Go to him now."

Sam's eyes flickered with confusion, but he did as he was told and rose to his feet with a nod. "Alright." He glanced down at his father and Caleb who had begun to rise to their feet as well.

"No." Dr. Siere spoke again, "Just the boy."

Sam resented momentarily being referred to as a boy but did not protest as he stepped forward in the direction of the doctor, "Take me to him." His tone was strong and confident and the Indian man knew that it was a mask to hide the fear and pain he was harboring inside.

As he was led down the hallway Sam let his thoughts only begin to wander when they were abruptly interrupted, to his surprise the doctor was speaking to him.

"You must not lose hope." He spoke with an overwhelming amount of confidence as he stopped only a few feet from Dean's room and turned to face Sam, "The burden your brother bear's is deeper then even you will ever know. The limitations of his physical being pale in comparison to those which hinder him emotionally,…" He stopped for a minute and brought his hand up to Sam's shoulder resting it there, "As are yours…"

Sam's mouth fell open slightly.

"I have done what I can, I have lifted the pain to the surface and removed the threat of forever from his body, but if he does not accept things as they are, as they always have been, if he continues to live behind these burdens and demon's created by such powerful and angry emotions, then he will remain helpless and trapped… just as he fears."

Sam blinked the knowledge of this man standing before him was more profound then any he had ever taken in before, and as confusing as it might have been, Sam understood every word as through they were no more then a children's book simple in context.

"You are his strength now, you are his power, the bond of your brotherhood only the surface of what you share, it is you who will pull him through, or you who will fail him…"

"I-" Sam bit back pangs of guilt that were now screaming inside of him,

"Things are as they are meant to be, you cannot change the course we are meant to travel, release your pain, find the strength in your shoulders to help carry your brothers burden and in time your own will be lifted."

Sam leaned back heavily against the wall and nodded, "Did he… I mean, did he tell you this?"

"Not from his lips…He has protected you beyond all reason, and now the time has come for you to do the same." The doctor nodded toward the door to Dean's room, "He's in there."

Sam closed his eyes and pushed himself up from the wall closing the distance between him and the door standing in front of it and clasping his hand around the knob. This doctor had faith in him, believed in him, and in his words, even on the smallest level Sam had found his own will returning to him, his own reassurance restoring it's self in his mind.

But still could he really do this?

- Dean forced himself from the bad slowly, shutting his eyes as lightly as he could, his arms shaking not only from his body weight, but a fear he would never admit to as he put his feet to the ground and immediately felt his body giving way.

Sam had just pushed the door open enough to peer inside when he saw his brother's feeble attempt to stand failing, Dean's arm's shaking like Jell-O, his forehead sweating and his entire frame collapsing out from under him. "Damn-it" He grunted to himself before bolting in there at a speed almost un-human and gripping his brother around the waist before he could hit the ground.

Out of instinct Dean gripped on to the arms now holding him his eyes flying open a glimpse of sadness shining inside them before it was covered over by an intense anger.

Sam held tight and fast to his brothers form having to fight to keep now not only Dean but he himself from tumbling to the floor, the eyes burning into him causing his heart to break and his knees to weaken. "Dean-"

Anger. Fury. Disbelief. Pain. Dean's world once again began to spin with sickening emotions, the man looking at him, holding him up, his brother, eyes spilling over with pity, was just enough to push him over the edge. Just enough to infuriate him.

Shock over took Sam as he felt Dean's grip on his arms loosen only to be replaced with throbbing pains one after another barreling into his gut taking the air from his insides with each painful blow.

Dean's fists came back again and again his face contorted into defiance anger and pain, his body shaking, nearly convulsing, eyes stinging with hot tears, cheeks red with frustration. Pain so much pain it seeped from him. He thrust first one then the other connecting them with something hard over and over again, something that he knew to be his brothers abdomen. Small grunts, wordless sounds the only thing to accompany each thrust.

Sam knew… Sam understood and to Dean's surprise his brother's grip never faltered, never loosened simply grew tighter and more reassuring with each punch.

Minutes passed like hours before exhaustion over took the older of the two men and his blows grew softer before stopping all together, his hands falling like two worthless rag dolls at his sides.

"Dean-" Sam whispered again after a moment even with his brothers fight over he did not let go he held his grasp and his ground.

Dean didn't answer. Didn't look up. Didn't move.

"Dean, look at me." Sam begged his voice still somehow managing to carry a demanding tone.

Nothing.

"I'm not going to let go, I'm not moving an inch until you look at me…"

Dean hated this. He hated this infantile feeling that had once more found it's way into his soul over running his senses, he wanted to fight, to keep punching, to scream…. But what go was it going to do? Who was that going to help? The only thing he was accomplishing was more pain for his brother to cope with.

Slowly his head rose his hazel orbs making there way to meet his brothers cautiously he locked gazes a pair of eyes strikingly similar to his own.

Sam let out a sigh of relief at the simple motion even as daggers of pain pierced though his heart as he saw every ounce of pain and sadness his brother felt screaming at him through desperate eyes.

"Don't give up hope…" He swallowed fighting to keep his words steady wanting desperately to break eye contact, but forcing himself to hold strong, "This is only the beginning man…. I-I know you wanted some miracle, you wanted to get up and walk out of here, but you and I both know that kind of shit only happens in the movies…."

"I-" Dean shook his head cutting himself off and dropping his eyes to the ground again, he felt so defeated, so betrayed there were no words to explain anything his insides were currently screaming.

Dr. Siere who had been standing in the doorway of the small room silent as a serpent nodded to himself actually pleased with the scene he had just watched unfolding before him. "Everything is as it should be, and now the healing will begin… for both." He whispered to himself glancing upward.

Hearing the whispers, but unable to make them out both boys shot a glance in the elder man's direction. "Doctor…." Sam frowned finally now easing Dean back up on to the bed his arms aching from the weight they had been supporting for so long.

"Everything is as it should be…" The doctor repeated loud enough for them to hear this time,

"You call this as it should be?!?!" Dean didn't try to hold back the bitterness in his words this time as he lashed out.

"Yes." The wise man whispered entering further into the room, "I have done as asked of me…. I have given you another chance, it is yours for the taking… But the things that we ask for in this life are not without efforts to receive them…."

"Enough with this spiritual crap already!"

"Dean." Sam warned

"He is angry…" Dr. Siere whispered knowingly, "But he understands, it is as I told him before, your mind must heal before your body, you must over come what is holding you back before you can move forward…"

"English?"

"There is no plainer way for me to tell you… Your vessel has been healed-"

"Healed?" Dean scoffed, cutting him off "You call this healed? I-I can't even stand up…"

"You must first see the light before you can step into it."

Dean felt the doctor's hand once more on his head and as much as he wanted to flinch, to pull away, to make some smart ass comment about it, nothing came out of him, not a sound.

"Everything is as it should be."

With that the doctor was gone from the room within seconds leaving Sam and Dean alone and in silence. They stood there for a minute before finally Sam knelt down and picked up the pile of clothes by the bedside, "Put these back on." He whispered.

Dean nodded, "I wanna get the hell outta here as fast as we can."

Sam eyed his brother silently the doctor's words sticking with him, he knew what they meant, he understood them, he had faith in them, if that's what one would call it, but why… why hadn't dean been healed? Why wasn't his brother walking out of here…Why was this battle such a struggle for the both of them… He wished he had the answers. He wished it was just that simple.

- The ride home was even more silent then the ride there Dean glaring straight ahead without so much as a word to his father, to Caleb or even to Sam. He had let Sam tell his father about the happenings in the doctor's office, he had let Sam break down his father's hopes, he had let Sam bring disappointment to such a hopeful situation.

As they made there way into the house Dean finally turned to the three men trailing behind him, "Sam, help me out here? I'm tired." He tried to sound as Dean like as he possibly could, tried to appear indifferent and unfazed but they all knew it was no more then an act.

Sam nodded sticking his hands into his pockets and drawing his lip into his mouth glancing to his father and Caleb. "Yeah alright…"

Closing the door behind them Sam turned to his brother and noticed a thankful expression across Dean's face. "What is it?" He asked as he closed the gap between them and leaned down putting the break on prepping his brother to be moved from chair to bed, this bed being far to high for Dean to transfer to on his own he shamefully had to accept his brothers help.

"Thanks, for not telling Dad and Caleb about my … you know…. Tantrum."

Sam shrugged as if he were simply shrugging the whole event off his shoulders and nodded, "No problem… Dean… I've been thinking a lot about what Dr. Siere said…And maybe you know, maybe he did help you, you've been off of your legs for so long… maybe you just need a little time, a little work to get you back in motion again…"

Dean closed his eyes and shook his head, "No more hopes Sammy… You promised me, if this failed…."

"But-"

"No buts." Dean opened his eyes and looked to his brother, "A promise is a promise."

Sam nodded and lifted his brother from the chair placing him on the bed and helping situate his body to a more comfortable and less awkward position kneeling down next to him as he did so.

Dean drew in a sharp and uneasy breath as a chill slid into his back replaced within seconds with a stabbing tingle that caused his whole body to jerk slightly.

"Dean… You alright…." Sam's eyes grew wide with worry as he glanced from his brother's legs to his face studying him carefully.

A nod was all that the older man could muster as he cleared his throat.

"Talk to me…" Sam slid from where he kneeled to sitting on the edge of the bed fear pricking at his insides he opened his mouth to scream for his dad but was quickly silenced before the first syllable left his lips.

"No Sam…." Dean shook his head, "Don't." Dean drew his lip into his mouth and looked up at his baby brother.

"I will if you don't start talking…"

"I think…I felt something….." Dean's tone was far less then sure as he darted his eyes down to his lower region and then back to Sam.

"Where?" Sam tried to hide the eagerness from his tone.

"My back… the bottom…"

"Okay." Sam nodded and slowly began rolling Dean to his side,

"It's probably just that whole phantom sensation thing again, Sammy lets not get all excited here, it was just a small little.." Dean's rambles were cut short by the sound of his brothers deep inhale. "Sammy??? What is it what's wrong?"

Sam stared blankly at the flesh of his brothers lower back the scar from the bullets entry now faded from bright and fresh to dull and worn… "I-I don't… I don't understand this…" He whispered before realizing that the words had actually escaped his mouth and met his brother's ears.

"Don't understand what? Sam what the hell do you see back there? Am I growing a tail or something?" Dean lifted his head and attempted to contort his neck to see behind himself.

"The scar…." Sam whispered

"What about it?" Dean frowned, "I mean I know it's not exactly the most attractive-"

"Dean… It's faded." As if his eyes could not believe what they were seeing Sam reached out to touch the substantially lighter mark.

The minute Sam's fingers touched the tender fleshy spot Dean drew in another deep breath not of pain but surprise. "Sam…" He swallowed

"You can feel that?" Sam questioned.

Dean nodded.

Sam didn't move, not wanting to pull his fingers back from the spot, knowing that the small sensation of his touch was feeding amounts of hope into his brother of unspeakable proportions whether Dean wanted it to not. "Dad…We should get dad" He whispered after a minute not sure what to do next.

"Okay…" Dean's response was hardly audible as he relished in the small amount of warmth against his back.

Not wanting to pull back, not wanting to leave the room, Sam called for their father, "DAD!" Excitement without meaning to pouring out in that single word.

"I don't know what to do now….I can't-" John's voice was cut off by the yell of his son from the back of the house his eyes darting up from the spot he had been studying on the carpet and looking to Caleb before both men headed quickly in that direction.

"Sammy?!?!" John asked not even bothering to knock as he pulled the door open Caleb on his heels. "Sammy what is it?"

Sam looked from his brother to his father the hope in his eyes, the joy speaking volumes. "Look."

John and Caleb moved in closer closing the gap between them and the two men on the bed. Kneeling down John studied the scar on his son's back as Sam hesitantly removed his fingers. "It's fading…" He whispered stating the obvious. Having nearly the same reaction his son had he reached out placing his hand on his son's back. "Dean…"

"I can feel it," Dean cleared his throat a little, "It's real…"

John smiled, beamed looking up to Caleb, "He…He can feel it."

Caleb nodded. "I heard."

"This is…." John's voice trailed off…

"A miracle?" Sam questioned with a chuckle.

"Yeah… something like that." John slid his hand a little further up and Dean's head snapped up looking over his shoulder at his father.

"Dad?"

"Can you feel it now?"

Dean shook his head, "No…."

"But here, you can feel it here?" He moved his hand back to it's previous spot.

Dean's head bopped up and down, "Yeah…"

"That's… that's a start." John moved to touch his son's shoulder patting it lightly, "That's definitely a start, we'll get you back home tomorrow and get you to the doctor."

The smile would not falter from Sam's lips as he rose to his feet and looked down at his brother laying before him, he could see the corners of Dean's mouth fighting off a grin of there own. He thought for a second once more about what Dr. Siere had told him, the words that he would never forget and found his inner hope restored.

Their fight was not going to be easy, and this little accomplishment was not much to go off of…. But he would, he was not going to give up, as long as it took as hard as it got and as bumpy as he had a feeling the road would become he would be the protector this time, and if it was the last thing he ever did he would help his brother step back into the light.

_Ehhhhh I'm not feeling it, and I think it came out completely different then I wanted it to, but still… there is a little calm before the storm for all of you a little hope when you thought there was none, but what's going to happen now? How will this fight be fought and will the Winchester's win out in the end? Can Dean over come those inner Demon's that the doctor warned so forcefully about and find a way to recover? Can Sam stand by his brother whole heartedly as he has sworn to do? No matter how are things get…._

_Stay tuned to find out…. _

_I thank you all for your replies to the last chapter it means so much to me to know that you are enjoying this story, as always let me in on what you are thinking, the good the bad and the ugly… I want it all. _


	15. Chapter 15

-1_Before you read, this is a very mild warning about the imagery in some parts of this chapter, there is brief sexual implication and also a little bit of Character death implication as well (Even though no one is going to die I promise!) _

**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 15_

Dr. Reese stared dumbfounded at the x-ray before him, scratching his chin and cocking his head to the side before looking through his patients file and pulling out the young man's x-ray from his last visit only days before. "This… This is impossible." He mumbled to himself pairing the two side by side and moving his eyes from one to the other then back again and again, "It's just…not rational…"

- "What the hell could be taking him so long?" Dean quipped from where he was laying in the middle of the room staring up at the ceiling and counting the tiles. "Shouldn't he be back in here by now?"

"Just…" Sam stepped back from the window he had been looking out of and closer to his brother, "Try to relax alright?"

"Yeah, whatever you try relaxing while wearing one of these ridiculous gowns and laying here awaiting the news on your future."

"Dean, your brother's right." John glanced up from the paper he was pretending to read and looked from his youngest son to his eldest.

"Since when do you always take his side? I'm the older brother!"

"Oh please-" Sam let his smart aleck remark he was about to fling die on his lips as the doctor pushed the door open and stepped back into the room.

"So how's it lookin' doc?" Dean asked his voice trying to sound neutral but carrying a hopeful tone none the less as he studied the obviously surprised older man's expression

Dean's x-rays still held tightly in his grasp, The man with the grey hair popped his neck from side to side before rubbing it, "Well…" He whispered making his way over to the small x-ray screen. "I'm uh….. I'm not to sure exactly how to tell you this Mr. Winchester…" He placed the new transparent picture of Dean's insides up on the small white board.

Dean closed his eyes and swallowed unable to keep the fear from inside of him at the beginning of the doctor's statement and choice of wording, "Just- just tell me." He felt Sam's hand on his shoulder now and made no attempt to shrug it off, hell he wasn't even breathing at the moment, everything, time, heart beat, the world stopped… hanging , depending on the words he was about to hear.

"The bullet…Has somehow…" Dr. Reese shook his head, he himself still not able to believe what he was saying. "Somehow managed to dislodge from your spinal cord."

"What?!?!" Sam asked for his brother unable to stop himself, trying to sound as surprised as he could all the while a grin twitching at the corners of his mouth threatening to appear at any moment.

Dean was simply staring at the doctor, eyes wide jaw open his thoughts running through his head at a million miles a minute. Thoughts of normalcy, thoughts of standing. Walking. Living again… Thoughts of Dean Winchester the man he used to be, and now believed he would be again… soon.

"I don't believe it…" John finally chimed in after taking a minute to compose his insides enough to speak, for the first time since Mary was alive he felt joy, unbelievable amounts of joy and happiness, hope, spilling over inside of him, so much that he feared he might burst at the seems. A very un-john like emotion to be dealing with.

"Your telling me." The doctor cleared his throat.

"So does that mean your going to have to go in and remove it?" Dean asked after a minute finally finding his voice again pulling himself from his ecstasy filled thoughts and rejoining the real world. "Is there a bullet just floating around inside of me somewhere? Should I be worried?"

"Well… See, that's the thing…"

"What's the thing?" John's vocal cords tightened as he looked at the doctor praying that the good news they had just been given would not be over shadowed with news of a less elative nature.

"It's not only dislodged… It's gone…."

John Sam and Dean all shared brief knowing glances before John nodded and spoke again, "Well,.. That is weird. Are you're sure?"

"Positive." Dr. Reese licked his lips looking down at Dean, "I don't know exactly what happened Dean, but well… You've got some angel watching out for you son, and it appears to me that he's given you a second chance."

"So the prognosis has changed then?" Dean's brow rose and a smirk played on his lips.

"I don't see where it wouldn't, with the bullet now having exited the spinal cavity… The nerves have already begun to mend themselves…"

"So he's healing then?" John questioned

"Yes." The man in the white coat nodded exhaling and lifting up Dean's left leg and rotating it at the ankle a few times checking his muscle deterioration rate and range of motion. "Keep with the physical therapy, but remember not to over work yourself. Everything is looking good here" He repeated the same bending and twisting motion with the other leg before placing it down and nodding to himself.

"I'll make sure he doesn't." Sam offered eyeing his brother as he spoke Dean shooting him an annoyed roll of his eyes in response.

"Thank you Sam." Dr. Reese smiled kindly and pulled open Dean's chart writing down a few small notes.

"Doc? When should we expect things to start progressing? Feeling to begin returning… you know things like that?"

"These things are not measured out in days Sam, it is important for all of you to remember that, to remain optimistic throughout recovery… They can take months or even years to recover from, everyone's body heals at it's own pace."

"But I will recover… fully right?" Sam nearly cringed at the worry now bathing his brother's optimistic and hope filled expression, threatening to once again remove it.

"Dean.." The doctor's voice dropped a little in volume before he continued, "This whole… situation is a miracle in it's self, why don't you just enjoy it and work hard to get to the next step alright? There is no rush …"

Dean grunted, that was not the response he wanted, but it would have to do for now. He really hated when Doctors did that whole talk you in circles and make you think they are giving you an answer but they really aren't answering anything they just don't wanna ruin your hopes or give you false expectations bullshit.

John shook his head and reached for his keys in his pocket, "Get your clothes back on and I'll pull the car around." He stepped out the door of the small room and closed it behind himself before closing his eyes, tears of happiness began to flow freely down his cheeks as he inhaled deeply and felt himself finally breathing again for the first time since he had arrived at his son's aid. "Thank you." He whispered to no one in particular.

- Clad in his normal workout outfit which consisted of no more then a pair of grey sweat pants, Dean lay sprawled out in the middle of the living room floor on top of a overly sized blue exercise mat, they had been back from Caleb's for 8 days now and against Sam's wishes they were up to exercising and therapy sessions five times a day, Dean was a lot of things, but patient was not one of them, and in his mind this was taking far to long and he needed to push and push until his body ached, his flesh burned and he was mobile again.

"Again." The older brother grunted his flesh sticky and wet with perspiration as he lifted his head and looked down toward the man at his feet.

"Dean, remember what Dr. Reese said, these things take time, your not going to heal in one day."

"It's been eight."

"Oh come on man, you know what I mean-"

"I should have been able to feel something else by now. Now do it again Sam!"

Sam drew his lip into his mouth but kept quiet as he lifted his brothers leg firmly in his grasp working it at the ankle rotating it slowly one way and then the other. The tired and irritated younger man pushed himself to his knees and rose the deteriorated and still immobile limb straightening it and then bending it at the knee a good twenty times before moving on to the second leg.

The silence surrounding the two brothers was nearly deafening, Dean wanted to do nothing since they returned home, nothing aside from work out and push himself into a full recovery.

Keeping his brother's leg straight Sam pressed his palm hard against the bottom of his foot flexing it in his grasp. "Alright here we go you ready?" Sam even in his exhausted and own over worked state tried to sound encouraging as he tore his eyes from the foot he was holding and pressing against to look at his brother.

So much determination, so much fight was written across Dean's face it was down right scary, he really was a full on solider and he has thrown himself into this battle completely with the intent to triumph. Sam watched as Dean swallowed hard and closed his eyes his hands balling into fists at his sides and pounding against the mat beneath him.

"Relax man, relax and concentrate, don't frustrate yourself. Press your toes against my hand, come on you and I both know you can do this…"

Sam's words were only a small amount of comfort as Dean drew in a deep and chest rising breath holding it in, locking it insides himself and trying to use it to help him force movement to his toes, trying to force something to happen… Anything to happen.

Sam sighed softly and shook his head after nearly two minutes of waiting, two minutes during which nothing had happened, two minutes during which the only change that had taken place was the amount of red increasing in Dean's cheeks as Sam watched more and more frustration take hold of him. "We'll work at it again tomorrow alright, that's enough for today."

Dean's eyes shot open, his hazel orbs begging and pleading to continue as they looked to his brother, "Just one more time Sammy…. Please."

"No." Sam shook his head and put on his best defiant face as his nostrils flared out lightly.

"Sam I know that I can do this, just once more please."

"No." Sam repeated as he rose to his feet and started getting his brother's chair ready, "You've been saying that for the last two hours man."

"Fine, I'll just do them myself." Dean's voice was as tired as his body as his words were dissected by pants for breath.

"No. Dean." Sam repeated raising his voice slightly and closing his eyes rubbing the bridge of his nose he felt a very strong headache beginning to pound behind his eyes and he was pretty sure he knew what was causing it as he opened them again and Dean's face once more came into view.

"I thought you said you were going to help me any way you could!" Dean attempted to play on his brothers guilt and previous promise, it was a low blow, a very low blow, but with any luck it would get him what he wanted which was another hour or two of work out.

"I am helping you man, but- Your working to hard, your pushing yourself and to be honest your pushing me."

Reluctantly Dean allowed his brother to help him back into his chair and it was then that he studied Sam's face not so far from his. Sam's eyes were tired, drained and sunken in around the edges, his skin was pale his lips cracked, and Dean felt pangs of guilt rising to his surface.

"You heard the doctor, you can't push to hard on this, it's not going to do you any good, these things take time, they take patience…"

"I just…." Dean closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair the image of his run down and tired baby brother carved into his eyelids, maybe he had been pushing to hard, maybe he did need to take it easy, on Sam and on himself… But Dean wasn't use to that, Dean was the kind of guy who put his eyes on the prize and then took it, without hesitation he would work and work, fight and fight until he finally had whatever it was he was striving for, there was no time to detour to any other project, no time to work on anything else… He had a very one track mind…

"What?" Sam questioned taking his brother toward the bathroom

"It's right there Sammy, it's right there, I can taste it, it's within my reach and… I can't quite grasp it, I just feel like if I push harder I can make it happen you know…" Dean felt a tinge of anger beginning to once more grow inside of himself and he tried to suppress it but knew he would fail. "The bullet is gone… so why the hell am I still trapped inside this damn thing! Why can't I just get up and walk!"

Sam frowned even as he tried not to, if there was one thing that all the doctors and the nurses had been telling him throughout this whole experience it was to be tough, to not pity Dean, to stand beside him and not behind him, in a matter of speaking of course. But sometimes it was hard, it was hard not to soften his exterior and breakdown right along side his brother, his hero.

"Time Dean, give it time…" Sam whispered as he leaned down under the sink and took out a few things he was going to need to change his brothers bag once he was done in the shower, one of the many things he was not going to miss when this whole ordeal was finally put behind them.

Dean slammed his fist into the counter without warning the anger to much to hold back anymore the loud thud causing Sam to jump and nearly smack his head on the cabinet his eyes going wide as he looked up at his brother.

"This is bullshit!" Dean growled his hand shaking as he ran it through his hair.

"Your doing fine." Sam mumbled having nothing else to say.

The only reply he was given was a snarl from the angered man's lips as he lifted him and helped him into the shower chair their bathroom had been equipped with belting him in and closing the door. "I'll be back in a bit to check on you."

Dean leaned over and turned the cold water down causing the water to scold his flesh a welcomed sensation to him as he closed his eyes each small droplet smacking into him one right after another raining down on him like fire filled tears from heaven, tears of anger like the ones he constantly felt building inside himself.

He was trying, fighting so hard…. To hard according to Sam, and he was getting no where, all the optimism the doctors had finally reinstalled inside of him he felt slipping from his veins with each passing day, each passing moment that he wasn't on his feet again.

Exhaling deep and loud he found himself traveling back to his visit with Dr. Siere, laying there on the table, the warmth of the man's hands on his skin, the tingle of hope his touch brought, and then to the memories he had relieved that day…

How helpless he had been so many times in his life, how much he had lost, how much he had to deal with, the shitty hand he had been dealt in this life… And the one person who even as a mere infant had been his only comfort, his only constancy, his only link to a normal bonding relationship… Even if he would never tell him.

Sam had been these through everything, even when he was away at Stanford, he was still there, still in Dean's thoughts everyday like a comforting old blanket to a child Sam's image would pull him through the most difficult hunt. He couldn't fail, he couldn't lose because then Sammy would be alone in this world, Sammy would be in danger without Dean there to fight off the big bads that threatened the world as it was known everyday to everyone who was not a Winchester or a hunter.

And now, these past few months had been no different, Sam had been there through Dean's struggle, stood by him, and stood for him when he could not, Sam was a vital organ in Dean's life he needed him like a person needed there lungs to breathe or their heart to beat.

And he was letting him down, The image of his brothers tired and drained face found it's way into Dean's thoughts once more and he swallowed hard forcing his eyelids to open, he was fighting hard, but he wasn't fighting alone, and fear, fear was consuming him that even with victory just in his reach he was falling short and he would never succeed in grasping it, he was still no more then a cripple…. He was still so utterly helpless…

Another grunt found it's way to Dean's lips he interrupted his own self pity party and stared down at his lower body, he could remember the strength his legs used to carry in them, the stride and confidence in his walk, he could remember the confidence he used to carry into other aspects of his life as well , a thought that he tried to bar from his mind as much as he could, the pleasure he used to give and receive to women, the joys of making love, when he was whole… And not just some half of a man. The sensation of a woman's body so closed to his….

It was all just to much.

- Sam was still cleaning up the equipment from their most recent therapy session when John pushed the front door open carrying in two white bags with the word Jimboy's scribbled across the front.

"Hey." His greeting came out half as a grunt as he hoisted the now rolled up mat against the wall before turning his full attention to his father.

"How'd it go?"

Sam shook his head, "No better then yesterday and all the days before that…" He drew his lip between his teeth and leaned back against the counter his arms dangling at his sides in a stance that to john resembled one of a defeated solider. "He's losing hope again…"

"Of course he is…" John emptied the contents of the two bags on to the counter before wading them up and tossing them into the garbage can, "But it's our job to restore it, your brother is used to working hard and being immediately rewarded, not working harder and harder and finding no results…."

"He's just… pushing to hard dad, I see it, he's breaking. I knew that that little bit of hope wasn't enough to pull him through this…"

John shook his head looking at his son and leaning next to him against the counter, "He's going to be alright Sam."

The confidence in his fathers simple statement was astounding to Sam as he looked over and blinked a few times, "How, how can you be so sure?"

"Because I know your brother… And I know you, and although we all might of lost our way for a while, I have to believe that we've found it again."

"I just, I don't understand… Why this is happening, the bullet is gone, and he's still so… trapped, so helpless, and he's getting more and more frustrated, all I can keep saying it, time Dean, give it time, and he's getting sick of hearing it…."

"You boy's never did have much patience." John smirked a little. "That comes from your mother."

"Dad I'm serious…"

- Dean's thoughts had given way to a restless and fitful slumber with the passing minutes he found himself deeper and deeper into a dream… a nightmare surrounding his memories.

_A blood curdling scream fills his ears the only light surrounding him the dim glow of an over head street lamp, his surroundings all to familiar to him as he swallows the lump in his throat hoping in vein for the reward of a single breath to enter his lungs._

_Everything is moving in slow motion as he turns to see his brother, his Sammy crumbling to the ground and landing face first on to the asphalt. Tears stream from his eyes, "No…Sammy, No…." He can hear his broken voice echoing into the still night air as he kneels down and scoops up his brothers form cradling him against his chest, his flesh cold to the touch._

"_Dean…" the single word sends a chill up Dean's spine so soft so lifeless as it lingers on Sam's lips._

"_I'm here Sammy… I'm right here…." Confusion begins to cloud Dean's mind as a pool of blood begins to bathe him, his brother's blood, Winchester blood from the wrong Winchester…._

"_Help… Me…"_

"_I-I can't…" The words are a choked sob as rain begins to pour now mixing with the thick rich red liquid and attempting to wash it away, but the more rain that came, the more blood there was to mix with it…._

"_Don't let me die….Please…." The light fading in his puppy dog, pleading eye's Sam stared coldly at his brother his breaths growing fewer and fewer… "This is your fault, you should have saved me… It…. It was yours… "_

_Dean clutched tighter to the body in his arms his hands shaking as he buried his face in to the now soaking wet brown mane of his brother, "I'm sorry…. It wasn't supposed to happen like this…. That wasn't- I was supposed to save you, protect you Sammy….. I'm sorry."_

"_Your bullet…." Sam's words were clear and painful as he took in his last heaving breath before his body stilled and his chest seized to rise again._

"_Sammy…..Sammy…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

Dean's eyes flew open his body jerking forcefully back into reality as he gasped for breath and stared wide eyed at his surroundings snapping his head around and gagging on vomit in his throat, it was the same dream he had so many nights after his accident, with the same vivd and lasting images lingering inside of him, reminding him of what could have been…. The dream, the nightmare that he had never spoken to a soul about. With another deep intake of breath he leaned back further into the chair and ran his hand over his face when he dropped it again his eyes were red and swollen….

Dean Winchester was crying.

_Thank you so much for your replies to fourteen! I hope that you like this one just as much, as always let me in on your thoughts, the good the bad and the indifferent, I want it all… I hope none of you are to disappointed._


	16. Chapter 16

-1**Bar Fights & Bullets**

_Chapter 16_

Sam opened his eyes slowly the next morning with a yawn before glancing over at the clock and frowning to himself the bright red numbers reading 11:46. How the hell had he managed to sleep in so long? Why hadn't he heard Dean's alarm? Dean was going to be pissed at him for being so lazy.

Climbing out of bed he threw on the same t-shirt and jeans he had been wearing the pervious night and ran a hand though his disheveled bed head before making his way out into the front of the small apartment.

"Morning sleepy head." His father greeted him from where he sat at the kitchen table filling out a few more fraudulent credit card applications. "Or should I say afternoon?"

"Funny." Sam mumbled glancing around as he made his way over to the coffee pot. "Where's Dean?"

"I checked on him about an hour ago, he's still out cold… I guess you boys just needed some rest and all with the way you've been working your bodies to the bone."

Sam cocked his head a little confused, Dean never slept this late. Pouring himself a cup of now only luke warm coffee he took a long drink before setting it down and heading toward his brother's room.

He knocked a little before pushing it open. "Come on sleeping beauty time to rise and-" He let his voice die off noticing that his brother was already awake, and only when Sam began to enter had closed his eyes quickly. "Dean?" The younger man made his way over to the bed and crouched down a little, "Come on man I saw you, I know your awake, it's time to get up we got work to do…"

Dean cursed inwardly to himself and opened one with a grunt, "don't want to."

"Well that's to bad isn't it?!" Sam shot back before heading to the corner of the room to get the wheelchair ready.

"No," Dean opened his other eye now and glared at his brother from where he lay, "Let me rephrase that for you, I'm not going to."

Sam frowned and exhaled loudly making sure his brother could hear the annoyance in his gesture as he turned around to face him, "Why not?"

"Just don't feel like it." Dean shrugged trying to sound indifferent about the whole situation as he shifted his head to look out the window.

"That's not an answer Dean."

"Well it's the only one your getting from me."

Sam headed back toward the bed, taking a seat on it's edge he ran a hand over his face and took in a deep breath trying to gather up every ounce of patience he could. "Look man, I know your tired alright? I know you want this to go faster, but we're making progress, you just need to-"

"What Sam? Give it more time? I don't think so I'm not doing it anymore!"

"So what then?" Sam's nostrils flared and he grunted rising up from where he had just sat down, "You're just gonna give up?"

"Yeah." Dean scoffed, "Looks like."

"No.." the nearly irate man shook his head pulling the blanket off of his brother in one quick movement and dropping it to the floor. "I won't allow it, your so damn close there is no way I'm letting you give up now!"

"I'm not getting out of this bad Sammy, no matter how hard you try to force."

"Yes. You are."

"No. I'm not."

"Yes." Sam grunted leaning down and beginning to lift the defiant figure from the bed. "You are!"

"PUT ME DOWN!" Dean growled his voice low as he grabbed on to the headboard and held it fast in his grip knowing that his strength was twice that of his little brother.

"LET GO DEAN!"

"NO! PUT ME DOWN!"

Sam kept his feet firmly planted against the carpet and tugged heavily trying to get his brother's grip to loosen and falter, but after a minute or two he released his hold and slammed Dean's body back into the bed. "FINE!" He growled his voice lower then Dean had ever heard it before, "you, wanna lay in here and rot?!?! You wanna give up? Then that's on you! I'm done with this!"

The younger man could feel tears beginning to form in his eyes as he took a step back, tears of frustration, tears of anger, and he refused to let them surface, refused to show Dean any amount of weakness.

"Sammy…" Dean tried but cut himself off, he could see the shaking in his brothers hands, the anguish in his face, and there was nothing he could say to that, no retort that was going to fix it.

Sam put his hands up in the air, "I'm done Dean…" He whispered his voice trembling as he turned and left never once looking over his shoulder, without another word he closed the door behind himself and left Dean alone, just as the tortured man had wanted to be, alone and with no one, alone and scared.

John had heard the commotion coming from his eldest son's room, and when only Sam emerged he frowned to himself and stood from his spot at the table making his way to where his youngest stood, eyes pink hands still shaking, face defeated. "Sammy? What the hell was that about?"

Sam slumped back against the wall and shook his head wiping at his mouth and then his chin trying to calm his nerves. "He won't come out." He stated his voice flat and void even though his features were spilling over with emotion.

"What? What do you mean he won't come out? Is there something wrong? Is he sick?"

"No." The younger man shook his head clearing his throat, "Not sick, just stubborn."

"He's just-"

"No more excuses dad alright?!? I can't take them anymore! I can't take any of this anymore! That doctor says I have to be strong that I have to be there for him! I have to push him! I- ME! But I can't! How…" Sam drew in a breath ignoring the look of concern now peering at him through his fathers eyes. "How can I help him?!? How can I pull him through this when he won't even get the hell out of bed?!?!"

John's frown only deepened as his son's emotions poured so freely from trembling lips, he wanted to comfort him, he needed to comfort him, but he didn't know what to say, there was nothing he could say, Sam's emotions were more then justified, he had been trying, pushing so hard, that finally he was at his breaking point, and John couldn't blame him.

"I just…" Sam continued after a moment noticing that his father had not responded with a single word the older man's expression only growing more and more worried. "I don't know what to do dad… Tell me what to do…"

John reached out and placed a hand on his son's shoulder gently pushing him aside, "I'll handle this.." He whispered stepping around him and into Dean's room.

Dean frowned watching as his door open again, he had heard every word that had been said outside his door, every painful thing his brother had said that stung him worse then anything else ever could. He didn't mean to lash out, he didn't mean to be such an asshole, but the truth was he just couldn't… He couldn't do this anymore, he didn't want to get out of bed, deep down he knew he was a failure, and he knew that he was never going to be anything else again… So why waste his time? Why waste Sam's time?

John didn't even bother to close the door behind himself as he stepped in and stood directly at the bottom of his son's bed arms crossed in judgment and disapproval. "You want to tell me what the hell is going on in that head of yours?!?!"

"No. Not Really?" Dean could tell by the tone of his dad's voice that this was not the time for his sarcasm or stupid jokes.

John's glare said it all as the air between them fell deafeningly silent.

"I just don't wanna do this anymore dad alright?" Dean grumbled after a moment shifting uncomfortably under his father's interrogating stare.

"I don't care what you want anymore, your brother and I are both done babying you Dean, this has gone on long enough, now your going to get the hell out of this bed and be the man that I know you are."

"Dad I just-"

"No son of mine is going to give up do you hear me?"

"I jus-"

"You just what." John scowled, "You just decided to take out your anger and frustrations on the only person whose stood by you this whole time, you just decided that it was on your list of things to do today to step all over your brother like hes some yard sale door mat?!?! You just what Dean?"

Dean fell silent.

"Now your brother and I are going to make some breakfast, get yourself out of that bed and into your chair and I want you ready to work in no more then an hour…. That's an order." John grabbed the wheel chair by it's handle and thrust it down heard next to the bed. Causing Dean to jump just a little at the noise it made.

"yes sir." He replied knowing that that was the only acceptable answer to any and all orders that came from his father's mouth.

As he heard the soft click of the door, once more signaling that he was alone Dean let his shoulders slump a little, why did they keep doing this to him? Keep pushing him? Why didn't they just let him do as he damn well pleased?

He glanced over at the chair now directly next to him and snarled at it a deep low growl irrupting from his throat. "Piece of shit." He spat out under his breath as he slowly sat up and balanced himself on his hands and lifting himself into his own chair a feat that in it's self zapped him of a lot of his energy. Making his way to the closet he pulled down one of his many solid grey shirts and threw it on, he thought momentarily about changing out of his sweatpants, but knowing the details that entailed dismissed the idea.

Popping his neck from side to side he made his way over to the door and drew in a deep breath, he did not want to do this, he did not want to face Sam, not after the things he had said, the things he had done, he had acted like no more then a child, thrown another little boy fit and he had hurt his brother in the process….

No matter how much he didn't feel like pushing himself, he never, never should of taken it out on Sam, never should of broken Sam's hopes and dreams like he did….

Exhaling he pushed the door open and made his way out toward the kitchen, John was just finishing setting out some eggs and toast and Sam was leaning against the far counter sipping on his coffee studying the tiles beneath his feet as he did so. Dean cleared his throat and scratched his shoulder nervously eyeing his brother.

"Hey." Sam shifted from one foot to the other looking up almost timidly, "You uh want some coffee?"

Dean nodded clearing his throat for the second time, this whole apology thing was a lot harder then it looked, especially when your name was Dean Winchester. "Yeah… Yeah, that would be great." He paused and moved further into the kitchen, "You know what though? I can get it…"

"No, no that's alright…" Sam shook his head already making his way back to the coffee put cup in hand, "I got it…"

"Sam…" Dean swallowed still feeling the tension between them still very strongly on his shoulders. "Listen I uh…."

"I know…" Sam cut him off sensing the clenching of his brothers word in his attempted apology as he reached down to hand him his coffee. "Don't worry about it alright?"

- Sam was sitting on his knees in his usual spot placed down at his brothers feet Dean's foot in his hands as he rubbed the bottom of his foot forcefully pressing against his arch with his thumb, "Feel anything?"

Dean shook his head wiping a few beads of sweat from his forehead, "No…" He whispered trying his best to keep optimism in his words, trying to match the look of hope in his brother's eyes…

"That's okay…."

"Yeah…"

Pressing his whole palm now against the bottom of Dean's foot the younger Winchester flexed his fingers against each toe before relaxing them a little, "Push…. Try to push Dean…."

"I Can't…"

"Yes you can…" His voice was reassuring, "Take a deep breath, and push Dean."

The other man grunted involuntarily before sighing and relaxing his body, "I can't" He repeated again through clenched teeth.

"Yes you can." came another confidence filled retort.

John put the last dish into the dish drainer purposely leaving the water running as he stepped around and watched his boys in the front room a confident smile pressing on his lips as he nodded his head, it was amazing how much they had grown up, how independent they were…..

"Sam please…"

"I know you can do this…just try…"

"I-…" Dean closed his eyes and drew in another deep lung filling breath holding it in until he felt as though his lungs were going to burst before letting it out, telling… begging his toes to move, to reassure not only his baby brother but himself that they were actually getting somewhere…

Sam stared intensely at the foot pressed against his hand, silently praying that today, now be the moment they had been striving toward… That god where ever he might be was listening and gave all of them the push they needed to continue with this journey…

Seconds later Sam's eyes went wide, as he drew in a deep breath himself feeling a small fidget against the lower fleshy part of his index finger fallowed seconds later by another small movement against the same spot, happiness over taking him so quickly and so fully that a grin spread like a fast moving virus across his face.

"Sam I ju-"

"DEAN!" He cut his brother off in mid-statement.

"What?!" Dean's eyes shot open and he looked down toward his lower half panting for breath at this point… John making his way hurriedly from the kitchen.

"You-You did it…. Did you feel that? Your toe it…it moved…"

"It did?!?!" Dean's voice sounded as surprised as the look in his brother's eyes read.

"Can you do it again?" Both boys shifted their heads to see their father approaching crouching down somewhere near Dean's head and placing a hand on his son's shoulder.

"I-I don't know…" Dean swallowed looking down at his toes, not wanting to close his eyes, wanting to stare and to see, wanting to believe… "I don't… I don't think I felt it before….I just…"

"Concentrate." Sam instructed with a nod of his head, "One more time, and then we can stop for the day alright?"

Dean brought himself up onto his elbows to get a better look his father's hand still pressed comfortingly to his shoulder as he nodded.

The next twenty three and a half seconds passed like days as all three men sat in silence their eyes staring down at Dean's feet.

And then there, there it was again, Dean's big toe jerked slightly against Sam's hand not once but twice before resting flat again.

"D-Did you feel that?" Sam was currently resisting the urge to jump up and down and invent his own happy dance as he looked up at his brother relieved and elated to find a smile on his lips, his eyes twinkling with what Sam guess to be self satisfaction?

Dean nodded a little this time his entire body and mind completely over come with exhaustion as he felt his father squeeze his shoulder.

"Good son. Very good." And John realized that for the second time in less then two weeks tears of happiness were filling his eyes as his voice wavered. "You should rest now, don't push yourself."

_Alright so there it is my lovelies I hope you like it and I look forward to hearing what you have to say, the good and the bad. Thank you so much for your support with this story and the last chapter. _


	17. Chapter 17

-1_I thought long and hard about this next part because finding a way to open up Dean Winchester is like trying to find a way to dry up the pacific ocean, it's damn near impossible. So I hope y'all like it, and as always thank you so much for your reviews on the lat chapter, and for following this story so faithfully, your replies keep me writing._

**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 17_

Sam awoke suddenly from a deep sleep, his eyes shooting open instantly as he found himself surrounded by darkness and looked at the clock, 3:17 a.m. Then there it was the noise that had roused him so abruptly from his pleasant reality escaping slumbers.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! PLEASE NOOOOO!" Dean's frantic cries filled his ears again and he was out of bed in an instant, on his feet and racing down the hall to his brother's room.

- _Dean clutched tighter to the body in his arms his hands shaking as he buried his face in to the now soaking wet brown mane of his brother, "I'm sorry…. It wasn't supposed to happen like this…. That wasn't- I was supposed to save you, protect you Sammy….. I'm sorry."_

"_Your bullet…." Sam's words were clear and painful as he took in his last heaving breath before his body stilled and his chest seized to rise again._

"_Sammy…..Sammy…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE NOOOOOOOOOO!" Dean thrash frantically in his bed his body bathed in sweat, features contorted in pain as Sam heard small wheezing breaths pouring from his lips struggling for breath after breath.

"Dean!" He flipped on the light switch before making his way to his brother's bedside frowning to himself when he discovered that Dean was still fast asleep and obviously having some sort of nightmare his body twisted and contorted tangled in blankets and sheets of his bed.

Leaning down he gripped the trembling man's shoulders in his grasp and called to him again this time louder and with more force then before. "DEAN! WAKE-UP MAN!" Sam cursed at the panic lacing his voice and tried to swallow it down before continuing to attempt to rouse his brother, "Come on Wake up."

Dean's eyes flew open with a yelp and a large gasp for lung filling air as his head snapped up to see his brother's worried eyes peering down at him. "S-Sammy?" Much to his disliking that single word came out trembling and broken.

"I'm here… You were having a nightmare man."

"I-I was?" Dean tried his best to put on his innocent I don't know what your talking about face as he tore his eyes away from his brothers and looked toward the clock, the floor, and the dresser, anything that wasn't Sam's terrified face.

"Yes, another one." The younger brother's voice quieted a little, "This isn't healthy man…"

"I-I'll just start taking the tranquilizers again, I'm sorry I woke you…" Dean tried to push it all off as no big deal, but Sam knew better then that as Doctor Siere's words played once more in his mind.

"_The burden your brother bear's is deeper then even you will ever know. The limitations of his physical being pale in comparison to those which hinder him emotionally,…" _

"…_if he continues to live behind these burdens and demon's created by such powerful and angry emotions, then he will remain helpless and trapped… just as he fears."_

"_You are his strength now, you are his power, the bond of your brotherhood only the surface of what you share, it is you who will pull him through, or you who will fail him…"_

"_Not from his lips…He has protected you beyond all reason, and now the time has come for you to do the same." _

Blinking as each word crossed his mind, each statement re-encrypting it's self into his thoughts he shook his head, "No, no more drugs, those are not the answer…"

Dean's brow cocked and he looked at he brother and tilting his head a little, inwardly he asked himself when exactly Sam had aged no less then 10 years, when exactly had he become so old looking? "I can't help what I dream about Sammy…"

"You never talk about it Dean." Sam accused more then stated the words flying effortlessly out, his voice calm yet knowing.

"Talk about what?" Both boys knew that Dean was now going to attempt to play dumb to keep his nice strong emotional wall up.

"The accident, how you felt, how your feeling… Any of it, I know that I've pushed before to try to get you to talk to me, but I think that you need to talk to someone… Talk to me, tell me what's going on in that messed up head of yours and it might help a little you know?" He tried to sound as up as possible as he spoke watching as fear of emotional intimacy immediately worked it's way into his brothers eyes.

"You're tired Sam, get some sleep and we can pick this up in the morning…" Dean's voice was practically begging, he knew that his defenses were not up to a battle against his brothers emotional prodding as he closed his eyes and sunk back into his pillow.

"Oh no you don't!" Sam shook his head shoving his brother in the shoulder to open his eyes again.

"C'mon Sammy…"

"This has been a long time coming bro and you know it." Sam sighed, "You can't just keep everything bottled up like you are, it's not good for you, in fact to quote a wise man I once knew, 'it's going to kill you man!'."

"I'm never helping you out of an emotional crisis again if your going to use my words to turn around and bite me in the persquiter" Dean rolled his eyes thinking back to that night what seemed like a million years ago now, sitting in the impala the rain pouring down outside, Dean forcing his brother, well trying to force his brother anyway to open up about Jess' death.

"I'm serious Dean."

"So am I! I'm okay alright?!?"

"No you're not, and I'm not leaving this room, I'm not going back to bed until you open up to me at least a little bit about what's going on with you."

Dean grunted and attempted to roll himself over with a frown before snarling at his brother and picking his pillow up placing it over his head in an attempt to simulate darkness. "Good night Sam."

"Come on man, don't make me sit on you or something…"

"You wouldn't."

"Oh wouldn't I?" Sam questioned picking up the pillow over his brother's face and looking down at him with a very cocking and self explanatory expression, "Try me."

"Jeezus Sammy" Dean groaned, "You really are a pain in my ass you know that don't you?"

"You've told me many times before, and so yes I am well aware, but I'm a pain that's not going anywhere until you tell me what I want to know…"

"Yeah well,.. You can just forget it, I don't need to talk about anything so therefore there is nothing to talk about, now goodnight Sammy."

"Dean?"

No response.

"Dean?….Dean…. Dean…..? Dean….DEAN?!?!"

"WHAT?!?!" The older man growled venomously flinging his eyes open and glaring at his brother.

"Talk to me!"

"Sam…I-I can't alright?"

"Why the hell not?!?" Sam tried not to sound so offended.

"Because man, talking just… it's over rated, and it's not something that I do…."

"Well…" Sam drew his lip into his mouth, "Now is as good a time as any to start."

"I don't want to…"

"Yeah well, I don't care."

"Sam, please leave me alone. Go back to sleep."

"Not until you talk to me…"

"I am talking to you."

"No about what I want to talk about you smartass!"

"Sam."

"Dean!"

"Sam!"

"DEAN!"

"SAM!"

"This could really go on all night you know?" Sam smirked a little defiantly even though his eyes remained completely serious.

"Well then give up." Dean wanted to talk to Sam, well… He wanted to tell him, he wanted to make Sam more comfortable, to help him heal, but he just couldn't… Could he? The chances that this conversation would lead to any sort of emotional healing were slim to nil, and Dean had a bad feeling that the only thing he would cause was more turmoil if he told Sam what was really going on inside of him, why he had woe up screaming, and what the nightmares that plagued his thoughts were really about.

"I'm not giving up… But I'll make you a deal." Sam wavered from his determination only slightly in order to get his brother to budge.

"Alright Monty Hall… Let's make a deal then." The older and exhausted man agreed, knowing full well he was not going to like the outcome of this, but also knowing that this was the only way either one of them way ever going to sleep again….

"Alright," Sam nodded choosing his words carefully. "I get to ask you any five questions, and you have to answer them honestly, no beating around the bush, no false answers or metaphors and no dodging the question alright?"

Dean grimaced reluctantly, "Sam-"

"That's the Deal." Sam locked his features in determination and crossed his arms' over his chest. "Okay?"

Another sixteen seconds passed before Dean's head bobbed up and down in compliance, he hated this he hated every minute of this…. "Dude, you suck."

Sam smiled triumphantly before his face went serious again, "Alright… five questions…"

"Four." Dean interjected

"I said five!"

"Yes but you already asked me one!"

"I so did not!!!!" Sam's voice carried a bit of a whine to it suddenly!

"Yes you did! You asked me if I agreed to the terms of the agreement, and that was a question directed toward me from your own mouth Sammy."

"Technicality jerk, I'm calling do over!"

"You can't!" Dean smirked himself now, the truth be told he was more scared then anything of the questions he knew his brother was going to ask him, he was more afraid of serious conversations, matters of the heart, his heart, then any demon or evil they had ever faced… Even the prospect of spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair sometimes felt less scary then the thought of opening his mind and his thoughts, his emotions and showing any sign of weakness,

So he did the only thing he knew how, he cracked jokes and made fun to mask all his own inner pain.

"Yes I can and I just did, so…." Sam made himself more comfortable on the edge of his brother's bed fidgeting a little, the truth be told, he wasn't sure he was quite ready for this either, but it needed to be done, and as he told Dean, now was as good a time as any to begin. 5 questions, 5 small chinks in the armor his brother had barricaded himself behind so thickly, that was the only hope, the only chance either one of them had at a full recovery.

The first questioned screamed it's self inside Sam's head, it had been the same question he had asked himself over and over from the moment he had held his brother's body that night in the parking lot of the run down and shitty bar praying for his life. "Why Dean? Why did you do it?"

Both boys knew the answer to this question already, but Sam needed to hear it for himself as much as he knew Dean needed to say it, he needed to know without a doubt the details of his brothers thoughts during that moment…

"I don't wanna do this." Dean shook his head he could feel his heart already beginning to speed up inside his chest and knew that his inner knots and discomfort would only escalate as the conversation progressed.

"Tell me." Sam's voice and eyes both pleaded his puppy like orbs dropping into the most pathetic face Dean swore his brother had ever made.

"You're my brother Sam." Dean stated bluntly ignoring the air constriction in his throat and forcing his eyes to look down away from his baby brother's face once again, "I've always told you that I would do anything for you, anything to protect you… And so I did…..I-I heard the gun cock, and I knew the next bullet would be yours and I pushed you out of the way… I had to save you man, there was nothing else to it, you and dad are everything to me and the thought of losing you over powers anything that I feel for myself…" He shook his head a little and Sam watched as his older brother wiped at his chin nervously his fingers shaking. "That's all there is to it… Next question."

"When…. When you first, you know, woke up that day in the hospital, and you found out about what had happened… When the doctor's told you that you wouldn't you know walk again…. How did it feel? I mean you never talked about it, and you just kind of shut off man…"

Dean refrained from a smart comment coming from his lips as he noticed how hard this conversation was not only for himself but for Sam his younger brother hardly able to get the words out obviously suffering from the same visual reminders inside his head as Dean was at this point.

The older man could remember far to well waking up in the hospital, the doctor's matter of fact tone as he said that Dean would never walk again… The emptiness that over took him, the pain that hurt so deep everything else seemed dull in comparison. "It burned…." He whispered swallowing hard, "It burned and felt cold all at the same time, everything inside of me just sort of fought to shut down… But- then I saw you, you were there just like you always are…. And I just couldn't let go…. I-I couldn't leave you here, even if I was helpless and worthless, even if I never took another step… You were okay and that was all that mattered…."

Sam shivered inwardly as the end of that statement penetrated his mind and played over again and he blinked back a tear or two clearing his throat watching an array of emotions cross over Dean's face at the memory before his features fell flat again. "You-You do know that your not worthless now don't you? You-you saved my life Dean, and your getting better, you were never worthless…"

"Is that your third question?" Dean cleared his head with a small shake pulling himself from his thoughts and glancing up to Sam for only a split second before looking down again and fidgeting with his finger nails.

"Does it have to be?"

"five questions…" Dean reminded him.

"Then yes."

"Then yes, there are days when I still wake up feeling more useless then a chewed up piece of gum, there are days that I don't want to get out of bed because I don't see the point in it… I am a hunter and all I seem to be hunting for lately is handicapped parking and wheelchair ramps. This, this hasn't been easy Sam, and there are times when I look at you and at dad, and I realize that mine isn't the only life that was ruined by this… And those days I feel worthless, and I feel helpless and there's not a damn thing I can do to fix any of it alright? So I fight harder, I push harder and I get nowhere!!!"

Anger flashed through Dean's eyes now, eyes that only minutes before had been pained and saddened were now flashed with anger and even gult as Sam watched him ball the sheets into his grasp making a fist,

"Dean-"

"I'm so damn helpless Sam, and there is nothing I can do about it, just like with Mom and when you went off to college, just like when Dad left, there was not a damn thing I could do then and there is not a damn thing I can do now except for sit in this chair and rot!"

Sam flinched at the venom in his brothers words but did not let it show as he nodded his head in response, he could see it now, he could see just below the surface of his brother the pain and the burden that the doctor spoke of, he could see the wounds of a tortured soul and how as the pain and anger his brother was throwing out they were already beginning to heal, and now was the time for Sam to help him, to strengthen him.

"You're not going to rot in that chair Dean, you've already proven that…" The younger man whispered clearing his throat, "There are things that we go through in this life… Moments that we all have, where we are helpless against life, it doesn't mean-"

"I don't!"

"Dean, when mom died you were four years old, you were just a kid alright? There was nothing you could of done, it was shitty but it was the way things worked, and me, going off to college had nothing to do with you, I told you that a thousand times, I needed to go I needed a new life…. There are reasons for everything man, and it is in those times when those things happen that we accept our weak moments and lean on those who can help,…."

"I hate leaning…"

"Yeah well, as much as you wouldn't like to think this… You are human, and you have human needs so…."

"You know… All those times though Sammy…" Dean wanted to shut himself up, he didn't know why this was coming out, he needed to say it, and as much as he fought he couldn't hold it back.

"What Dean…" Sam could see his brother arguing with himself on the inside by the look of confusion across the older man's face, "Come on tell me.

Popping his neck dean spoke again he hated feeling so damn uncomfortable, but inside deep down there was a pressure releasing somewhere… he could feel it, and it felt right. "All those times…. There was only one thing, one person who was there for me….You know I've been a real asshole lately, and I ummm… you know I appreciate…."

Sam nodded he could see Dean's struggle to get the words out, his brother was never one to express himself emotionally well, it just never came to him naturally like it did to Sam. "I know you do….I me, no one has saved my ass more then you…."

"Yeah well, I don't trust anyone else to watch my back so I gotta keep you in one piece!" Dean attempted a small amount of humor to untwist his insides and thin out the air that was now surrounding both men. Inwardly satisfied when Sam smiled lightly and chuckled at his humor/

"I-I only have one more question…."

"Two." Dean shook his head not wanting to admit it but secretly finding himself although more and more uneasy with each passing moment of this heart to heart,… He was growing more and more comfortable as well, a feeling he couldn't explain if he tried.

"Well…I only need one more for now… I'll save the other one for later."

"Okay." Dean nodded a little wondering which internal would his brother was going to chose to infect next but ready for it whatever it was…

"These nightmares… What happens in them….? What is it that your so afraid of that you can't seem to move forward?"

Okay, maybe he wasn't ready for anything… "I don't know?" He tried lamely and cursed softly when the look on his brothers face showed lack of belief and amusement.

"Come on Dean… This will be good for you man, maybe you can finally sleep through the night…"

" Dreams are private Sam…"

"These are not dreams Dean, these a tormenting you…" Sam prodded lightly, "And besides you have to answer…. That was the deal…."

"I didn't save you…." Dean's voice dropped to just above a whisper, "I couldn't save you…That night at the bar alright?"

Sam felt numb instantly as he stared blankly in Dean's direction, that was the big mysterious dream? That was the torment deep inside his brother that was holding him back so strongly? He blinked a few times slowly and watched as tears appeared in Dean's eyes the older man closing them tightly and fighting to push them away.

"I-I watch you die…. And I didn't save you, your last breath, your last words, and all of it is as real as this is now…." Dean cleared his throat and ran a hand over his face and through his hair shakily.

"Dean…" Sam's voice was a choked out sound of a whimper, seeing his brother his hero breaking at such a simple sentence was almost more then he could bare to watch, but he was close, so close to it all… to the truth that he needed to push. "Why?"

"Wh- who know?"

"You do… And I want you to tell me, I need you to tell me man,…." The statement was as honest as anything Sam had ever said, he needed to know, he needed to hear it, he needed to unlock and open his brother the rest of the way…. For himself as much as for anything else.

Dean drew in a shakey breath and shrugged his shoulder swallowing the lump that had now worked it's way into his throat as Sam watched him beginning to fidget nervously once more, trying to sort out his thoughts and feelings trying to make sense of everything he held inside…

"May-maybe because I didn't save you?"

"Of course you saved me…."

"Did I" Only now Dean found the will and the strength inside to let his eyes meet his brothers again, Sam could see it all the pain, the doubt and the fear, "I might of saved you from the bullet Sammy, but I didn't save you from the destruction of it, this ruined your life man, it ruined you as much if not more then it ruined me… You think I don't see it? You think I don't know what this is doing to you? And- and there's nothing I con do to help you, not this time…." His words died down to silence and he looked away again, he had to look away he could feel them, those damn pesky tears making there way down his cheeks,

"Dean…" Sam bit back his own emotions and in a bold move reached forward placing a hand on this brothers shoulder causing the shaking in his flesh to instantly subside, "You're fighting, you're not giving up…. And that is helping me alright? As long as you don't just let go and give into this…. Then you are helping me…"

"But-" Dean looked up now in time to see Sam shaking his head in defiance.

"No buts… I'm not going to lie to you alright, you've been honest with me and now I'll be honest with you…" He drew in as much of a breath as he could before continuing resisting his own urge to look away. Wanting Dean to know that the words he was about to say truly meant something, so he didn't break their gaze, he just kept looking, kept speaking and kept his own tears at bay as best he could.

"This…This whole thing has been hard alright? It's been harder then anything and everything we have ever faced, and the guilt that I felt that I still feel is over whelming… But I know okay? I know that what happened was no ones fault aside from the men who pulled the trigger…. This… This burden that you've been carrying for so long though, this… pain it has to stop, no ones life was ruined by what happened that night, not yours and sure as hell not mine, we just need to fight and win…"

Dean found himself wondering now exactly when Sam had grown so wise, when his little brother had transformed into the man who sat beside him, whose voice was filled with confidence and knowledge far beyond either of their years….

"What you did for me that night, the price you paid, the pain that you felt… I can never repay you, you did save me….. I don't want you to think for another minute that you destroyed me… You saved me, you always save me… And I know that no matter what you always will…. You have never been helpless… Worthless…. My strength through all of this has come from the fact that I know that you're going to do whatever the hell it takes to beat this thing and that you will stand again, walk again and remember who Dean Winchester really is…."

Sam eyed his brother wondering briefly if he had gone to far with his words, if Dean would even take them seriously, or just think that they were another useless speech from his pansyfied brother's emotional instability.

But what happened next…. Proved to him, showed him, that he had in fact gotten through, that Dean had heard him…

His heart constricted in his chest as Dean wiped at his tears that were now flowing against his will down his face before nodding his head silently and bringing his hand up resting it on top of his brother's that was still placed there. Sam could feel it shaking, trembling against his but said nothing.

"Thank you…." Dean mumbled swallowing.

"For…For what?"

"Well.." Dean smirked a little, "Sure as hell not for turning me into a chick." He grunted and used his free hand to wipe at his eyes in vain.

Sam chuckled, "I won't tell anyone I promise…"

"But you know, for uh… For this,…. And for believing in me, even when I didn't believe in myself…"

"Hey. It's the least I could do, after all, you did save my life…"

Dean smirked again this time his cocky expression returning fully to his features, "Now… Can we please try to get some sleep Dr. Phil?"

Sam looked over at the clock on the wall and groaned, the numbers now reading 5:46... "I think maybe that's a good idea…"

"Hey Sam?" Dean looked up at his brother as Sam rose from the bed and stretched his limbs tiredly.

"Hmmmm?"

"Since you know it's been a really long night and it's all your fault. Maybe we could just skip therapy tomorrow and I could lay here all day?"

Sam's jaw fell open in shock at the seriousness in his brother's face as he shook his head, after all that, after everything… Dean was seriously saying this?"

The older man's eyes sparkled mischievously and he chuckled at the look he was now receiving… "Just kidding… G'nite bitch."

"You really are a jerk you know that?" Sam turned to leave flipping the light back off.

"Yeah well…" Dean listened as the door closed behind his brother and exhaled loudly, in that simple movement it was as though every tortured and pent up emotion left him… He felt good…. He felt right and almost normal, he had opened up, maybe not in the most conventional way… And maybe he would never do it again….

But for the moment, he felt good….

From where he now sat on the couch John smiled toward his son as Sam closed the door to Dean's room. "You okay?"

The youngest Winchester nodded, judging by the pleased look now across his father's features, he knew he had heard everything… "Yeah." He smiled a little for the first time since all of this had begun he truly believed he really was okay again. "I'm fine."


	18. Chapter 18

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 18_

The next morning as Sam opened the door to his brother's room, expecting to find him fast asleep, he smiled to himself and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the door frame. Dean was already awake, the older man laying in bed the blankets pulled down.

Sweat was trickling down Dean's forehead as he started down at his toes, his attention one hundred percent on the task at hand, moving his toes over and over again with each movement his face showing more and more satisfaction .

Sam let a few more minutes pass, and when is presence had still gone without notice finally spoke up smirking to himself. "You're getting to be a pro at that."

Dean nearly jumped out of his skin when his brother's voice penetrated his concentration his head shooting up embarrassment immediately creeping into his cheeks, "Yeah… Well… I wouldn't go calling the papers just yet…"

The younger man made his way further into the room, he himself feeling more then a little satisfied at the picture before him, Dean was trying, practicing, and he was doing it at his own free will, no pushing, no prodding, no bitching.

Noticing the smile on his brother's face the older man scoffed and cocked his eyebrow cockily, "Don't look so pleased with yourself, we still have a long way to go Sam."

"True, but it's good to see you back in the drivers seat."

"Whatever." Dean reached over and took his water bottle off of the nightstand taking a long drink as he looked to the clock, "Eleven? Sleeping in these days Sammy?"

Sam chuckled, "It was a long night, what can I say?"

Dean thought momentarily back to the previous night and the conversation they had finally had and once again he found his insides at ease with the road ahead. It was a new day, a new beginning, and now as he looked at his brother, he saw as alone as he had felt before, as empty… That was never the case, Sammy was there, his Sammy and he would always be.

Now it was Sam's turn to question the look he was receiving as he noticed the sparkle in his brother's hazel orbs starring in his direction. "What?"

"Nothin."

"That's not a nothing face, what are you thinking about?"

"Breakfast." Dean lied.

"You look like that when you think about food? If eggs and sausage get you that excited these days, we really need to start getting you out more…"

"Shut up!"

"I'm just sayin'…"

Dean shook his head and lifted himself up further on to his elbows preparing himself to transfer into his chair as Sam came around the side of the bed and pulled his brother's wheelchair closer helping him into it. "So what is for breakfast?" He asked taking the cue from his stomach as it growled, he had obviously worked up an appetite.

"Well, Dad's gone to the store, with everything going on these days we seemed to have forgotten to refill the fridge…."

"What do we have?"

"A can of beer, a spoiled cartoon of milk… and some bread?"

The older man grimaced, "Yikes."

"Well, we could go grab something, there's a Denny's not to far we could wa-" Sam let his voice die off and drew his lip into his mouth…

Dean cranked his neck to see behind himself hearing his brother's words abruptly stop and he frowned a little, "Sam, you don't have to watch what you say around me… It's just a figure of speech."

"Oh I know…" The younger man lied, the truth was things had been going to so well the last twenty-four hours, he didn't want to do or say anything that would tick him off or discourage him.

"Liar."

"So Denny's?" Sam asked again completely ignoring the retort.

"Yeah… Alright…" There was the slightest amount of hesitation in Dan's voice, he had been feeling good about everything, his progress, the chances of his recovery, but still there were a few things he was hesitant to face, one of those things… the biggest of those things was the world beyond his front door. He could still remember the first tome Sam had forced him out into the public, the stares and the pity… The nausea and the anger.

But he couldn't stay in here forever he couldn't hide, he needed to move forward, as much as he didn't want to he needed to accept these circumstances for the time being, he was recovering this was true, but it could still be months before he was on his feet again.

- Sam pushed his brother down the sidewalk leaning over the back of his chair and strolling lazily along, the mid-afternoon air was more then a little refreshing for both men as they made there way toward the restaurant about three blocks from their apartment.

"Maybe we should have driven, how much further is it???" Dean grunted his voice carrying a small amount of complaint to it…"

"Dude, stop your bitchin'." Sam looked down toward his brother and away from the busty brunette he had been studying who stood on an upcoming corner obviously waiting to cross. "At least you get a ride…I'm the one doing all the work here!"

"Yeah well I'm hungry!"

"Oh please."

As they approached the short brunette Dean smiled at his brother, "She's cute…You should go for her."

"What who?" Sam asked playing innocent already having found his eyes wandering back in her direction.

"Riiiight." Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose to keep a smile from his face. Yup Dean was definitely on his way back to his old self again.

They were only about half a block from their destination when there comfortable silence was interrupted.

"Sam?!?!" A woman's voice questioned from a few feet behind them.

The young man stopped in his tracks.

Dean froze, his insides twisting into ten thousand knots as he swallowed repeatedly trying to find his voice again "D-Don't stop…. Keep going…" He pleaded his words quiet "Please."

"Dean-" Sam whispered closing his eyes, of all of the things that could have gone wrong, of all the incidences and scenarios Sam had gone over in his head about what could happen, this had never been one of them.

"Go Sam…" Dean's voice was an irritated growl,

But it was to late as Sam's feet began moving again he already felt slender fingers on his back forcing him to turn around. "Sam?"

She was just as Sam remembered her and he forced a smile to come to his lips. "Hey Cassie…" His words were strained as he brought a hand up and ran it through his hair.

"I thought that was you." The young woman smiled her whole face glowing as she did so… "What are you doing here?" She only now took notice that he was not alone and peeked around Sam to the man in the wheelchair, "And whose thi-" Her voice trailed off getting caught in her throat as her eyes rested on the man in the wheelchair her heart jumping in her chest. "Dean…" It was a breathless single word.

Dean ran his hand over his chin and forced down the vomit that was now in his windpipe "Hi Cassie…" He whispered looking into the eyes of the only woman he had ever allowed himself to love, of all the people to see him like this, of all the people to carry pity in there eyes….

"Hi…" She let her eyes roam over his body, there were no broken bones, no casts, nothing….He was as handsome as she remembered… "Ummm, what…" She thought of a million things to say questions to ask, but nothing seemed right, seemed fitting or tactful as she blinked a few times realizing she was staring and tore her eyes away looking down at the pavement.

Sam frowned deeply shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other and letting go of his brother's chair handles he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Hunting accident." He lied realizing that the young woman before him was obviously dumbfounded and looking for some sort of reasonable explanation. She wanted answers and if he told her the truth it would only lead to more questions and a deep conversation he knew Dean was not up to having.

Cassie and Dean had at one point been an item, and Sam knew that there was a love there that had to remain forbidden and untouched for the time being, he had always secretly hoped that someday, when this whole Demon and darkness mess was over his brother could find the happiness with her that he deserved, because he knew just by the look in Dean's eyes at the mere thought of her, just how much love he had for her.

"Yeah…" Dean clenched and unclenched his jaw, "Just a little spine damage, everything is going to be fine though… on my way to a full recovery…." He shifted uncomfortably avoiding her gaze.

"When?"

"A few months ago…"

"I-I'm sorry…." her voice was just as soft and sweet as Dean remembered it being.

"Nothing to be sorry for." He tried not to sound snippy, but he was tired of that response, tired of people feeling sorry for him, telling him they wish there was something they could do….

"So ummmm…" Sam could feel the tension in the air quickly surrounding them and decided a change in topic was in order. "What are you doing here?"

Cassie shook her head as I to pull herself from some sort of trance shifting her eyes from the older to the younger Winchester, "My aunt lives here, she asked me to come and house sit for a little while, she's out of town on business…. What are you guys doing here? Last I checked you weren't not ones to plant roots."

"Yeah well… Things change, we're just hanging out here until we can get him back on his feet again."

Cassie nodded numbly still trying to digest what her eyes were seeing and her ears were hearing, Dean… her Dean was right in front of her a broken image of what he was the last time she had seen him.

"You're staring again…" Dean grunted, "You might want to try closing your jaw it makes it a little less noticeable."

Sam inhaled sharply he knew that this situation was uncomfortable for all three of them but Dean more so then himself or Cassie, he could see it, the way his brothers fingers were fidgeting in his lap his eyes so cold and so detached as he looked at his one time lover, his entire demeanor so… distant compared to what it was only minutes before.

"I'm sorry…" Cassie frowned a little, she knew her was starring she just couldn't stop herself everything seemed so surreal. "Is there… Anything you know I can do for you? Anything you guys need?"

"You want to wipe my ass for me?"

"DEAN!" Sam reprimanded giving Cassie an apologetic look.

"What?!?! She's the one acting like she's never seen a cripple before!"

"I'm sorry…." The younger man whispered, "He hasn't quite been himself lately, he's taking this whole thing kind of hard, and he's just…."

"It's fine," Cassie's voice was softer then a whisper now as Sam saw tears welling into her eyes, he wondered how his brother could turn himself off so quickly like that and hurt someone he once cared so much about without even batting an eyelash.

Sam resisted the urge to slap his brother in the head as hard as he could, knock him out of his wheelchair and on to the ground, knock some sense into that dense head of his…

"Well… Ummmm listen, it was really good to see you. Both… and if you do need something you have my cell number it hasn't changed, I just… I wish for the best for you Dean."

Dean didn't answer he simply dropped his head and left his gaze on his lap until he heard her footsteps growing further and further away and finally he lifted his head just as he felt his brother's hand across the back of his head.

"OW! What the hell was that for?!?!"

"Why the hell did you have to be so mean to her?"

"Mean to her?!" He scoffed "She was the one staring at me as though I had a third head and a penis growing out of my nose!"

"That's sick dude!" Sam shook his head trying to remove such a revolting image, "This is a shock to some people man, she was tr-"

"She was staring at me like I'd expect from a stranger! I'm not just some man on the street corner Sam! We shared a bed for Christ sakes and I can just hear her thoughts… I saw where she was looking! I wonder if it still works, Poor thing…"

"She was NOT thinking that Dean!"

"How do you know? I saw the pity in her eyes man, I saw it it was as if she were looking at no more then a sick child!"

"Dean!" Sam ran his hand again through his hair in frustration he didn't know what else to do, what to say, the truth was he had seen the pity in Cassie's eyes just as Dean had… He had however also seen the sadness there as well…

"We shared everything Sam, and now for her to look at me like that! Like damaged goods?!?!"

"You're not damaged goods alright? You're working on getting better, and pretty soon, you will be whole again and all…" Sam cleared his throat more then a little disturbed by the subject they were without a doubt suddenly referring to, "All of your part… will be in working order again."

"I know…" Dean admitted sheepishly to his brother's surprise, "It's just of all the people to see… to look at me like that…"

"Let's just go eat alright?!"

Dean nodded more to himself then in response, the look in Cassie's eyes was still freshly engraved in his mind churning his stomach and stabbing his heart, and it was just another thing to add to the list… Another reason for him to stand and walk again, for him to beat the odds and win this battle, no one was going to look at him like that again, no one, especially not someone he once loved.

_Using Cassie as a part of this story was something that I struggled with, I didn't know whether bringing her in was the best idea, but I decided to use her because she is the only real lover that Dean has admitted to having… And I wanted this small scene to make a larger impact because it was someone he cared about someone he loved…. So let me in on your thoughts, the good the bad and the ugly I want it all._


	19. Chapter 19

-1_Okay, well the fact that my readers are completely torn on how they feel about Cassie sort of upsets me, she is not some big part of the story… in fact my intent was to use her as a cameo to show how uncomfortable it was for Dean to be around someone like that these days… someone he used to love so much. I myself do not care for Cassie at all, BUT there is a valid point here in the fact that bringing her in and the never speaking of her again would be sort of stupid. HOWEVER this is NOT a Dean and Cassie story, nor will it ever be, I'm not a romance writer and she will probably come back into the story for a short scene or two but she is not the center of the story she was never intended to be this is a story about Dean beating the odds, about the bond of brotherhood not about some girl. Thank you all so much for your opinions on the last chapter and I hope you enjoy this chapter much more then the last one._

**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 19_

"You knew this wasn't going to be easy." Sam grunted from where he stood behind his brother his hands planted firmly around Dean's waist as the older man clutched desperately to the parallel bars on each side of him. Sweat was already pouring down his forehead and they hadn't even started yet.

He looked down at the monstrous leg braces devouring his now deteriorated limbs and snarled, "Even if I could feel my feet how the hell am I supposed to lift them in these damn things???"

"I'm going to help you." Sam felt his own arm's burning from the weight of his brother who he was currently helping support and took in a deep breath. "Just try not to freak out this time alright? Nice and slow…"

Dean nodded determination burning in his eyes as he swallowed down a few swift breaths, it had been a little over two weeks since he and Sam had seen Cassie, and neither one of them had said much about it. Dean simply added it to the list of reasons for him to pull through this, he was never going to forget the pity and the sadness in her eyes, and he was determined as hell to never see it there again. "Ok…"

"Just concentrate." Sam whispered , "Use your toes to guide the rest of your foot and push it forward, you have to use what you have and not dwell on what you don't the rest of it will come with time…."

"Thank you Dr. Phil."

"Shut up and concentrate."

His heart was working over time in his chest, his pulse racing, the blood rushing through his veins going no less then two hundred miles an hour as Dean looked up from his feet where he had been staring to the long distance in front of him. What if he couldn't do it? What if he fell? What if the bars gave out? So many questions found their way into his brain so many thoughts pounding into the back of his skull for a minute he thought his head might explode as his hands began to shake.

Hearing his brother's uneven and shallow breaths Sam sighed trying to remain as patient as he could and spoke softly keeping his words even and calm. "Deep breaths, you can do this…."

"Wha-what if I fall?"

"Then I'll catch you."

"But whose gonna catch you?"

"You're not going to fall Dean, aside from me there's all kinds of things…. bars and wires and straps making sure that you stay up right okay?"

"Yeah that you put together!"

"Dean, just try alright? Nothing is going to happen I promise…"

Dean thought for a second about the first time he had tried these things and the fit he had thrown, the emptiness he had felt , the self hatred, the self pity… The anger, he had come so far since then, cleared so many hurdles that it felt like a life time ago. As he studied the long stretch of emptiness before him he found himself picturing it to be his road to a full and real recovery, all he had to do was take one single small step at a time and before he knew it he would reach it's end and claim his victory.

Sam, Sam was right there with him, just as he had always been and always would be, they would take these steps together, and even if he would never say it, even if Sam never heard the words Dean hoped his little brother knew just how much that meant to him.

"Okay here we go…." He mumbled under his breath his knuckles turning instantly white as his grip around the bars in his grasp grew tighter, he could feel the carpet against the three toes which had regained their sensation all he had to do was use that to his advantage, push forward. He could do this…

Closing his eyes he watched himself taking a full and complete step, he could see his foot lift from the carpet and come down again with ease, a motion he had not that long ago taken for granted.

Sam's clutch around his brother's waist grew tighter as he felt Dean's entire form tense up, he moved in a little closer to him. "Nice and easy…" His voice was barely even a whisper.

John watched wordlessly silent from the hallway entrance not wanting to break the concentration his son's were currently bathed in, his arms were still full of clean laundry as he leaned slightly against the doorframe. "come on…." he mouthed to himself hopefully, watching intensely unable to tear his eyes away. "just one step…."

"Sammy…" Dean's voice was tired and strained.

"Try…" Sam made sure to keep his tone positive as he spoke fixing his eyes on his brother's feet.

"I can-"

"Shut up Dean…Concentrate."

It was almost a full two minutes before Dean's toes twitched heavily, he knew it was coming he could feel it inside of him . He drew in another deep breath and released it as his foot slid forward in a slow and deliberate motion. His balance immediately wavered and he felt his brother's arms instinctively hold tighter to him, as he inhaled sharply, his eyes flying open, he stared in shock down at his legs… "S-Sam…" he couldn't prevent the smile that pressed full and hard against his lips. Had he really just done it? Had he really just taken his first step?

Sam's heart jumped in his chest tears springing into his eyes , it couldn't have been more then an inch but it was something…. He had seen it, Dean's foot had moved, he had taken a step…."I-I saw." He whispered trying to hide the tears from his voice.

"So did I…" both boys looked up to see their father now walking toward them dropping the laundry in the middle of the couch on his way, a satisfied grin on his face. "It won't be long now…" his words were up beat and optimistic as he placed a warm hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezed it proudly, "I…We-" He corrected himself looking to Sam and nodding, "knew you could do it…."

Dean's smile broadened a little "Can uh… I sit down now though?" he asked his entire body aching and fatigued from that single step as he nearly fell back into Sam forcing more weight on to the younger yet taller man.

"I thought you would want to try for another one." Sam smirked jokingly already helping Dean back into his chair.

"Funny…" the exhausted man quipped rolling his eyes.

"You boys have been at this all day anyway, what do you say you give it a rest and we go get some pizza and a 6 pack instead… to celebrate."

"Father knows best." Dean chuckled, "Those are two things I refuse to argue with, food and beer."

"Yeah the only two things." it was now Sam's turn to laugh as he began to take Dean toward the back bathroom so he could get cleaned up.

"You eat like three times what I eat dude so I don't even want to hear it!"

"I do not…"

"You wanna make a bet?"

John smirked to himself as he heard his son's voices disappear down the hallway and he shook his head running his fingers along one of the bars in front of him mindlessly he allowed his thoughts to wander a little. There had been a while where he had thought this day would never come, where he wondered if he would ever see his son's smile again or if his family would ever be whole again… but now, now everything seemed to be looking up…

The winds of change might have blown them over, but the Winchester's always found a way to get back up again, they never stayed down for long and never accepted defeat.

"Dad?" Sam's voice found it's way into the lost man's thoughts as he blinked himself back into the here and now offering his youngest son a small smile.

"Hmmm?"

"You alright?"

"Yeah.." John cleared his throat, "Yeah, just thinking about something…"

"What's that?"

"Nothing."

"Okay then… "Sam gave his father a questioning look but decided not to press any further as he made his way to the fridge and retrieved a water bottle unscrewing it's cap and taking a long drink.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"You know how much I appreciate you helping your brother don't you?"

"Well yeah, but dad he's my brother… it's my job."

"He doesn't see it that way."

"No, but he's a stubborn mule, he doesn't accept help from anyone…."

"Yeah well…" John shook his head laughing a little and rolled his neck from side to side, "What can I say? Your mother was the same way…."

"Something tells me he doesn't get that from mom." Sam's retort was quick and accusing as he eyed his father with mock seriousness.

"Hey!" John couldn't help but continue to smile, after all he knew Sam was right, in many ways Dean was exactly like him, he was a carbon copy, both the hunter and the man he had become were mirror images of his father. He had his father's stubbornness, his fight and most importantly his will to survive.


	20. Chapter 20

-1_I am so unbelievably sorry with my 24th birthday and my mom's chemo treatments my time to myself has dwindled down to nothing these days but I'm here now so I thank all of you for your responses to chapter 19 and hope you like this one just as much, as always I want to know everything you are thinking the good the bad and everything else._

**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 20_

Dean sat in front of the television the only sound filling his ears was the distant sound of running water coming from the bathroom where his father was showering. Sam had gone out to pick up a few things they needed around the apartment odds and ends that when John was the one doing the shopping he would mindlessly forget about because he was not use to such a domestic lifestyle. When you live in hotel rooms all your life the maid provides you with soap and clean sheets, when you go to laundry mats once a week you buy little boxes of tide out of vending machines…. Life on the road was a hell of a lot different then life in one place and John Winchester was having more then a little trouble adjusting.

As he flipped through the channels on the muted television Dean sighed restlessly shifting his upper body weight a little, it was after three pm and they had not yet done any of their exercise routine for the day, they were burning precious day light hours on worthless activities, at least that's how he saw it anyway. It had been almost three weeks now since he had taken that small step in the right direction and his prognosis had yet to make any further developments, he was growing more restless then a senior approaching graduation day.

Popping his neck from side to side he ran a hand through his hair, to his surprise even today's Oprah topic of how to live with an unbearable relative didn't seem to keep his interest. There was no time for TV no time for relaxation he needed to be working, striving and recovering not sitting around like some couch potato!

Catching sight of the parallel bars out of the corner of his eye, his impatience having reached it's peek hours ago, Dean drew his lip into his mouth and turned his full attention to the small contraption tilting his head and studying it.

Maybe he didn't need Sam, or his dad to help him? Maybe he could start on his own? They had been working so hard at it and for so long now there was no reason he couldn't just stand up and use the damn thing all by himself… Like a big boy was there?

Leaning down he took the break off before closing the distance from the middle of the room to the overly sized metal bars, he sat in front of them for a minute contemplating. Maybe he was the reason his recovery was taking so long? Maybe he was just thinking about it to much? Maybe he just needed to stand up and do it… He had never been much of the thinking type to begin with, so why should he be now?

Relocking the brake he un-strapped his legs and then his waist belt nodding to himself in affirmation of what he was about to do, he could do this… He was going to do this. He would surprise Sammy, he would surprise his father and he would concur these damn bars on his own.

He was strong, hell he was a hunter, and he was not going to let these damn things defeat him anymore as he reached out unsteady hands and laid them against the cold metal bars clasping his fingers around them and locking them in place. It was time he showed the world and himself that Dean Winchester was no ones bitch and he was not going to lay down and lose anymore.

His heart pounded triple time in his chest as he drew in a deep and lung filling breath holding it and attempting to clear his mind of anything and everything else before releasing it. Sam would be so proud of him again, look up to him again like he did before this damn accident and he could do it, there was no reason that he couldn't right?

Closing his eyes sweat already bathing his palms Dean forced himself up and out of the chair with a loud and satisfying grunt his arm muscles straining under the pressure as in a split second he realized just how much of his weight Sam must have been holding for him day after day.

"Jeezus." He panted out shortly drawing in another breath and forcing his arms steady as he opened his eyes and looked down to see that his legs had not yet even touched the floor. Lowering his body a little he felt his toes come in contact with the mat and smirked a little satisfied. "See…. Piece of cake…" He mumbled to himself his voice strained.

The next seconds flashed in a blur, his hands slipped his body collapsed and Dean crumbled to the mat with a loud and sickening thud before he could even realize what had happened. He found himself face down against the bright blue not to soft surface and growled in frustration. "Damn-it!" He cursed loudly his arms aching so bad from holding up his own weight that it sent a throb through his entire body.

Turning his body by flopping over like a fish out of water Dean's anger only grew when he noticed that he had managed to fall just far enough away from his chair that he would have to scoot like a child to reach it. He didn't want to reach it, he wanted to throw it, he wanted to kick it, he wanted to set it on fire, he wanted to destroy it, but he did not want to get back in it.

Inhaling sharply he tossed himself back on to the mat as sweat beads worked there way down his face and he stared up at the ceiling. "Damn-it… Damn-it… Damn-it…" He repeated a few more times wishing that saying that single word would some how ease his frustrations.

"No…No" He told himself after a minute propping himself up on to his elbows and looking down at his legs with a venomous glare. "I can do this."

-Balancing three paper bags full of groceries in each arm Sam maneuvered himself to slide the key into the door before turning the knob and pushing it open, this was the last time he was ever going to volunteer to go shopping alone again between the balancing bag act and the countless number of prepubescent bag girls throwing themselves at him he definitely needed someone to come along with him from now on it just made things easier.

As he stepped inside the youngest of the Winchester men froze as his eyes immediately fell to Dean who was currently attempting to rise to his feet again his knuckles white as he gripped the bars so tight that Sam thought they might band and break at any minutes. The lower half of the older mans body was twisted and tangled in ways that to anyone else would cause pain to shoot through out their limbs. His hips were turned to the right even though his body was facing forward, his legs lifelessly dangling crossed at the knees left over right, he was the true meaning of the words human pretzel.

Immediately dropping the bags at his feet Sam stepped over them and made his way toward his brother, "What the hell do you think your doing?" He asked and it was only now that Dean even acknowledged his presence.

"I got it…." Dean's face was flushed and dripping with sweat as he looked up his gaze meeting his brothers.

Sam didn't say anything as he watched Dean once more beginning fall toward the mat and instinctively reached out to catch him steadying the older yet smaller man instantly and shaking his head in disapproval

"I can do it…" Dean protested as he felt himself being carried backward toward the chair, "Let go Sammy."

"I thought we were past this whole tantrum thing of yours Dean, I thought you agreed to let me help you!"

"I did."

"I can see that." Sam rolled his eyes and sighed, "Your never going to get better if you keep pulling this shit."

"I just thought I would give it a try alright?" Dean couldn't help the anger and frustration in his words, "I mean there is no harm in trying it there?"

"There is if you break your damn neck!"

"Don't be over dramatic Sammy…"

"I leave you alone for an hour and this is what I come home to? Where is dad why isn't he watching you?"

"Watching me?" Deans retort was quick as his eyes shot up his brow cocking as he scoffed, "What am I four? You think I need a babysitter?"

"Obviously you do…" Sam hadn't thought about the words until after they came out of his mouth and were immediately accepted with a look of hurt and disapproval from this brother's tired hazel orbs.. "Dean I-" He ran a hand through his hair cutting himself off not knowing what to say.

"Go to hell." Dean's words hurt, but not as much as the tone they were spoken in, so low, so calm, so cold, as he turned and wheeled himself back toward his room just as John was emerging from the bathroom hair still wet from his shower.

"Shit." Sam mumbled rubbing a hand over his mouth and watching as his brother exited, he wanted to call after him, to apologize, but he couldn't .

"What was that about?" John's voice was soft and confused as he made his way into the living room.

"You should of been keeping an eye on him." Sam grunted accusingly before turning and heading back to pick up the bags of groceries off the floor.

"Excuse me?" John cleared his throat shocked and fallowed behind him on his heels.

"You should have been keeping an eye on him." Sam repeated in the exact same tone and voice as he had the first time placing the bags down on the counter.

"I heard what you said." John gripped his son's shoulder and turned him around so that they were face to face, "You want to tell me what the hell you meant?"

"You shouldn't have left him alone, he could of hurt himself… made things worse."

"Your brother is damn near 28 years old Sam, he doesn't need to be watched like a child!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah really." John's confidence was slowly wavering due to the anger he saw in his sons eyes.

"Then how come when I walked in here just now he was dangling from those damn bars like some dead animal and he could hardly catch his breath?"

"What?"

"He thought he could do it himself, he got tired of waiting on us I guess and decided that there was a new slot to be filled in the occupation of Superman."

"Sam…"

"You should have been with him…" Sam spat out again closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"Your brother is a big boy." John frowned a little, he knew that Sam wanted to help Dean, that he wanted to be there, wanted to make it all better, but this… this was just to much. "He's going to do what he wants when he wants and it's not up to us to stop him."

"He could of hurt himself…"

- Dean could hear the voices of his father and brother in the next room, fighting, arguing over him, talking about him as though he weren't even there, as through he were no more then a child, and his anger boiled once again inside him, rising quickly to the surface and spilling over.

He had been doing so well, he had been recovering, they had been the closest to happy that they had seen in a long time and now he had gone and screwed everything up in typical Dean fashion he had taken their half full glass and turned it up side down making it half empty.

Looking down at his nearly useless legs he studied them, he found himself once again thinking back to so much in his life, so many things he had taken for granted, never thought twice about… And how now he couldn't do more then half of them anymore, all he wanted all he needed was to feel to be whole again and to have his life back was that really to much to ask? To much to hope for after all the things he had been through in his life after all the innocents he had protected and the demons he had fought why couldn't he just have this one simple little thing, why did that have to be taken from him to? Why couldn't he just feel…

"I want to feel again, I just want to feel again…" He mumbled to himself the fight between his father and brother dulling in comparison to the voices now echoing in his head, "I want to feel… I need to feel…."

Spotting a slim yellow and black pen only an arms length away, Dean reached out and plucked it from the night stand holding it in his fingers.

He held to it tighter and tighter and without a second thought, before he could stop himself he thrust it into his thigh, he grunted low and deep in his throat as he felt the resistance from layer after layer of skein pushing through them cutting himself deep.

But still he felt nothing…..

His fingers stayed locked around the yellow pen now protruding from his leg as he looked down at it, he was numb, he could feel nothing… It took seconds for the blood to come but even as it did… As dean watched it flow… He felt nothing.

He couldn't understand, he should feel that, he should feel something pain of any kind…. But yet there was nothing…

Everything was numb, and blank… mirroring his insides.

He stared down at it, watching the small red river now trickling steadily down his thigh, blood his blood exiting his body. He thought back again to the night of the accident, the rain against his flesh his brothers arms holding him the chill through out his body… and he wondered why he hadn't died, if he couldn't feel then why was he even alive anymore….

He thought back to every day since the accident, every minute passing by like a second every day giving way to the next… Why couldn't he just feel something? Anything? He had done everything the doctors had asked he had been so optimistic it nearly killed him, he was trying to do the right thing….

But still he had nothing to show for it….

-"Maybe I should go talk to him." John began to move around his youngest son when Sam quickly shook his head cutting him off.

"No, it's our fight I'm the one who should be talking to him."

"He's really mad at you right now Sam…"

"Yeah well…" Sam shrugged a little already making his way toward the bedroom, "He's just going to have to get un-mad now isn't he?"

"Good luck with that." John called after him just As Sam began to knock on the door and push it open all in the same movement.

"Dean I um-" His voice died off in his throat as he made his way into his brother room and found Dean still sitting near the night stand staring blankly down at the pen still stuck in his leg his fingers wrapped so tight around it was as through he were holding on for dear life blood spilling over on to everything.

"Oh…Oh god….." The younger man took a step forward and collapsed down to his knees in front of his brother. "Dean…."

"I-I just wanted to feel…. I just wanted to feel something….Anything…. Why can't I feel Sammy…?" Dean never looked up never took his eyes away from the blood… his blood making it's way down his thigh his words were not loud and not soft they weren't angry or sad…. They were hallow and indifferent no more then a spine chilling whisper.

"DAD!!!!!!" Sam screamed his heart racing in his chest as he swallowed down the vomit now in his throat and began trying to pry Dean's hand from the pen the blood slick and sticky making the task all that much harder….

_The later half of this chapter was originally thought of more for the beginning of the story, but believe it or not it fits perfectly with the here and now and sets up the next chapter beautifully. I hope you guys like it, and please don't think this is a set back or that Dean is not going to recover or anything like that because I promise that it not the case, as always I hope you like it R&R!!!!!_


	21. Chapter 21

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets **

_Chapter 21_

The panic in his son's voice at that single word sent a rush of adrenaline through John unlike any he had ever felt before and within seconds he was bursting through the door to Dean's room. The sight before him caused his blood to instantly run cold.

Sam was kneeling in front of Dean desperation in his eyes as he tried to pry the older man's fingers from the object still lodged in his thigh. "Let go Dean… come on…" His voice was no more then a shaken whisper.

"Get out of the way." John blinked swallowing down the questions now arising in his thoughts as he closed the gap between him and his son's practically pushing Sam out of the way and kneeling down.

Dean's eyes were vacant as he continued to stare down at his leg now streaked with his own blood that was continuing to flow from his open wound.

It was only now as his father took control of the situation that Sam glanced down at his hands, his heart forgetting to beat in his chest as he stumbled backward until he was finally rewarded with the cold hard surface of the far wall. Sliding down it he stared in disbelief at his once more blood covered hands a million flashes of not so distant memories filling his thoughts and over taking his mind.

Blood. Dean's blood, was once again on his hands.

_Cold. _

_Lifeless._

_He grips his brother's body to him the rain pouring down around them he cradles the older man in his arms praying to feed the strength he needs to survive into him. The sound of Dean's desperate gasps for breath filling his ears and echoing through his entire body._

_Blood, so much blood, his brothers blood, bathing him as he helplessly lets tears begin to fall._

_His brother is on the verge of death and no matter how hard Sam holds to him, no matter how many prayers he says, there is nothing he can do…._

_Helpless eyes look at him, burn into him, plead with him to do something, anything, but there is nothing he can do. _

_The blood on his hands, his brothers blood, his blood, Winchester blood, is thick and rich with life but it pours like a flooded river robbing Dean of each breath, each word…. Robbing him of his existence as his eyes begin to close._

_His tears turn to sobs his desperate cries ringing out into the night unheard._

"Dean let go…" John keeps his voice firm and steady even as fear radiates from his gaze.

"Not until I feel it…" His son's words are small and distant.

"You will son… You just need to give it time, now let go and that's an order."

Orders were the one thing that John Winchester's sons knew to obey, they would never question them, they would simply oblige so when Dean's fingers still did not loosen and his hand still did not move, John's frown deepened and the worry inside of him reached new heights. "Dean Damn-it!"

"Sam? What the hell happened here? Help-" John glanced back over his shoulder and his words died off on his lips as he saw his youngest son sitting unbelievably still in the corner his eyes not so much as blinking as he stared down at his hands, or more directly at the blood now covering them. "Sammy?!?!"

There was not so much as a shrug in response. John swallowed hard looking from one son to the other, repeating the motion a few times before finally releasing his grasp on Dean's fingers and crossing the small distance to the other side of the room where Sam was currently placed.

"Sammy…" He said again placing his hand on his son's knee his voice pleading, he was not one to buckle under pressure, he was strong and fearless, he could handle anything…. Anything of course unless it had to do with his sons, they were his Achilles heel one might say.

"Son please…" He gave the knee under his palm a small squeeze and when still there was not a word spoken his worry turned to anger and his head snapped back to look in Dean's direction, "Dean, you snap out of whatever the hell is going on with you right now…" His words were laced with panic.

Hearing the desperation in his father's tone registering his surroundings in an instant Dean's head snapped up and he was again fully aware of the world around him his eyes immediately landing on the figure slumped against the wall only a few feet in front of him… "Sammy???" He swallowed hard and blinked a few times before looking down at his fingers still holding tight to the pen that he himself had driven into his flesh.

Without a second through he pulled it free, ignoring the blood now pouring even faster from his wound he undid his lap belt and was on the floor in a matter of seconds cursing himself and his actions as he made his way slowly to his brothers side.

"Oh god… What did I do?" He whispered under his breath ignoring the look of death he was now receiving from his father as he rested his hand on his brothers chin and forced Sam's face up tearing his gaze from his blood drenched hands.

"Sammy?!?!"

Hearing his brother's voice a shaking whisper in his ears, Sam's vision cleared, the memories in his mind dulling to the same faded painful images that would always remain inside of him.

Dean was okay, Dean was talking, Dean was worried… Not broken… And Sam was angrier than he had ever remembered feeling before.

In unison John and Dean both exhaled in relief as they watched clarity return to Sam's eyes his jaw twitching slightly in response to his brother's hand placed there.

"Sammy I'm so-" Dean's words were cut short as he felt his brother's fist come in contact with his jaw bone hard. Dean had been hit before, harder and stronger, but none had ever been as painful, as the blow Sam had just delivered. He brought his hand to his face and stared in disbelief at his baby brother. Sam, his Sammy had hit him.

Sam's fist remained in the air and he thought momentarily about striking Dean again, his jaw locked his gaze angry as it tore into the older man. Slowly, hesitantly he let his arm fall to his side, but still he did not look away.

Dean could see it, the fire and the fear from his brother's eyes, burning deep inside of him in a place he didn't even remember having before now, there was a pain that ran deeper then any he had ever felt before and a scar had instantly been placed inside of him by the look he had caused to appear on his baby brother's features. The one thing in his life he couldn't do with out, the one person he swore he would never hurt…… the one he was supposed to protect and keep safe…. He had destroyed.

"Sam…." He tried again.

"Don't." Sam's reply was colder then ice as he rose to his feet and stepped around both John and Dean.

John had found no need to speak up until this moment as he watched Sam exit the room and turned to Dean, "What the hell were you thinking pulling a stunt like that?" He tired as best he could to ignore the look of devastation and pain in his eldest boy's eyes, he needed to be strong, he needed to scold him, after all Dean had brought this all on himself. Now he needed to deal with the consequences.

Dean looked away from his father and down toward the carpet beneath him the guilt gnawing at his insides like a vicious hell hound, "I wasn't…"

"Well that's obvious…."

"I-I just… I wanted to feel, I didn't care what the cost was I wanted to feel something, anything,…. I don't expect you to understand…" He fingered a few strands of the carpet in an attempt to avoid the disappointed eyes of his father he could feel still glaring at him.

"Well, it sure as hell cost more then a bet you thought it was going to now didn't it?"

"How was I supposed to know he was going to fly off the deep end like that?" Dean knew exactly the cost his father was referring to and he had to admit his defense was more than lame.

"How the hell was he supposed to react? You know what your accident did to him mentally, for Christ's sake Dean he almost lost you! The most important thing in his life… Your blood was on his hands and he felt it was his fault! And-And now you do this? You put him through this?!"

"I SAID I'M SORRY!!!!" Dean's head snapped up and John swore for only a second his son's chin was trembling before he forced it steady again, "What else do you want me to do?!?!"

"It's to late now… There is nothing you can do…" John rose to his feet halting the conversation. From the look of his son he knew that the scolding Dean was giving himself was far worse then any he could ever administer. "You're going to have to give him time…. Now lets get you cleaned up."

Dean nodded as his father helped him back into his chair and the two of them headed toward the bathroom in silence, in a normal situation, for any other family a wound like the one Dean was currently sporting would require a trip to the emergency room. However, one of the few perks of being a Winchester was that stitches and sutures were more common then a home cooked meal and dear old dad was a pro at playing doctor.

As they made their way down the hallway Dean looked up to see his brother sitting stone faced on the sofa staring at the television which wasn't even on. At least he was still there at least he hadn't taken off in a fit of rage to get drunk again or do something reckless, end up hurting himself or someone else….

Sam saw the two figures pass by out of the corner of his eye and fought against everything inside of him that told him to look their way, to look and see that Dean was really alright, to study him… He couldn't, he was to angry, he didn't care about his brother's pain….. Or at least he didn't want to….

John used his foot to put the break on his son's wheelchair before retrieving the rubbing alcohol, some gauze and a package of sutures from the cabinet. It took nearly 10 minutes just to get Dean's pants off the blood both dry and fresh mixing, causing the fabric of his jeans to stick to his flesh. It would have been much easier had Sam been there to help, but asking for that was currently just about as useful as asking for a miracle.

"You got yourself good…" John cleared his throat after a minute unable to any longer stand the silence thickly surrounding them.

"Yeah well, you taught me never to do anything if I'm going to do it half assed…"

John nodded as he unscrewed the top from the alcohol bottle and looked up, "With all the knives we have in this house… With so many other options, couldn't you have picked something a little cleaner then a pen?"

Dean shrugged and smirked uncomfortably, "Spur of the moment idiocy has no limits I guess."

"Yeah well… Next time try to plan out your stupid moves better will you? They'll be a lot less messy that way…."

"How about if there is just no next time?"

John sighed and shook his head, "Don't get me wrong, this is probably the stupidest thing you have ever done… but we all do things we regret son, we all do things that don't exactly prove us to be the sharpest tool in the shed."

"I don't!"

"Oh no?"

"Well… not usually."

"It's part of life, the day we stop making mistakes is the day we land ourselves six feet under."

Dean thought about retorting but simply let the silence once again devour him, the only thing he could think about was how he was going to make things right again with Sam, they were a team, he needed him, he couldn't make it through this without him, and now he had pissed him off and ruined him without even giving it a second thought.

John shook his head before turning his attention back to the task at hand and pouring the rubbing alcohol into the wound decorating his son's leg. He knew that Dean couldn't feel it, but that didn't make it anymore comfortable for him. Every stitch he had ever driven into either one of his sons, every cut he bandaged. Every wound he tended to hurt him far worse then it would ever hurt them.

Leaning back in his chair Dean closed his eyes trying to will his thoughts blank, trying for only a second to stop thinking about what he had just done but it was no use, he had screwed up.. Big time.

His closed lids shot open only seconds later as a stinging burn quickly wracked through his lower left limb and he bit back a scream instead releasing a small noise that was half yelp and half grunt followed closely by a few short and broken intakes of breath.

Pain… true burning and breath choking pain was devouring his body.

John pulled back slightly as the leg he had been tending to trembled accompanied very shortly after by the sound of his son's ragged breaths. "Dean?" He looked up again to find his son looking down at him through half open glazed over eyes his face contorted into a look of discomfort that could only be the result of real physical pain.

"God…." Dean breathed out the joys of feeling his limb currently over shadowed by the pain residing there…

John drew his lip into his mouth his feelings mirroring those of his son's as he inhaled deeply. "You're okay…" He tried to sound reassuring.

Dean had been bandaged and stitched so many times he was like a walking map of previous injuries but never, never did he remember feeling a pain this deep and this strong…. "Stop…" He begged almost sobbing, a very un-Dean like gesture, still attempting to catch his breath, "It hurts…"

"I have to stitch it up…." John tried to keep his own fear at bay, Dean was not the type to cower in any painful situation, he would stand up and take it like a man, to see him hurting, to see him near tears was enough to break the stubborn man's heart.. He had no choice, he needed Sam.

"SAMMY?!?!?!"

Sam's head snapped up toward the sound of his name ringing through the house from the bathroom toward the back and hesitated shaking his head.

"No, not this time…" He whispered to himself trying to hold his ground and his grudge, he was not going to give in that easily he was not going to pretend like nothing had happened.

"SAMMY… PLEASE!" Came another call louder and more desperate then the last, Sam felt himself faultier and he was on his feet, standing at the bathroom door before he could stop himself, his hand on the knob he stopped.

"What?!" He made sure the agitation in his voice was evident

"I need your help… Please?" John knew that his youngest son's temper was still delicate but looking at Dean placed before him, there was no way either one of them was going to get through this alone. John needed his son, and Dean needed his brother no matter how much anger was currently resting between them.

Sam growled and reminded himself to stay angry, that no matter what he found beyond the door before him, no matter how pathetic his brother looked or what help he needed, he was going to stay angry. He had to Dean deserved it….

Reluctantly he pushed the door open and stepped inside.

"Hey Sammy…" At the sight of his little brother Dean threw on as much of a cocky smile as he could muster, but even as he tried to steady his breathing he only found his breaths coming out more and more ragged as he bit back the pain.

"What the… what's going on?" Sam's brow rose in confusion.

"It….It would appear as though your brother has come down with a case of the I can feel it's" John looked to his youngest.

"What?!?!" Sam looked from his father to his brother, "Really???"

"Does it look like I'm faking to you?" Dean tried not to sound so snappy as another sharp pain interrupted his bantered retort. "AH, Good lord."

Sam smiled inwardly as he kneeled down next to his brother the anger he had sworn to hold on to no matter what happened slowly moving to the back of his mind…. "Well… that's great."

"Yeah.." Dean words were not as optimistic as he nodded sweat sliding down his forehead, he found himself subconsciously reaching over and gripping with all his strength on to his brother's forearm that was resting on his chair as John began stitching him up.

"Deep breaths." Sam demanded seeing the pain this situation was causing and jumping into sooth mode putting his hand over his brothers in a swift mindless motion "In and out…. He'll be done before you know it…"

Dean looked to Sam and chuckled a little even in his current pain filled state he couldn't ignore the irony in this situation. "I-I guess…. This gives whole new meaning to the phrase ask and ye' shall receive doesn't it?"

"I guess it does…" Sam shook his head and snorted a little.

"I was expecting a tingle… or a dull ache not a full on tear you apart and eat your insides out pain…"

"Yeah well, no offense but you deserve it jerk."

"Look…." Dean drew in a breath that was shaky this time not from the pain, but rather from what he was about to say… Apologies were definitely not his forte even when they were well deserved "I-I'm sorry…. You're my brother, and what I put you through, what I did to you…. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair…. I uh, I couldn't have pulled through any of this without you and I just…." Dean's words died off as he watched his brother's eyes visibly soften.

"Is this the pain talking?" Sam scoffed jokingly trying to lighten the mood.

"Shut up!"

"Just don't go stabbing yourself anymore alright?"

Dean smirked and looked down at his leg with a nod as his father finished the last stitch into his flesh. "Alright."

_Eh, I'm not to keen on this chapter, but I wanted to thank you all for your wonderful replies to the last one! You are the reason that I keep this one going so please let me know what you think, the good the bad and the ugly I want it all._


	22. Chapter 22

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 22_

_ November 13th 1979 _

_John and Mary had settled down for their typical Tuesday night ritual, Three's company the only sound that could be heard throughout the entire house, a bowl of popcorn placed between them. The apple of their eye playing only feet away on his Winnie the pooh blanket as they watched their program. _

_And that was when one of many proud moments occurred, for the first time parents. Dean had always been a head of the statistics, crawling at six months, his first word at nine… And now as John glanced to check on him out of the corner of his eye, a milestone in their son's developmental process was about to occur._

_A chorus of "da da da's " pouring from the infants lips he was standing on wobbly legs and John swore he saw a grin on young Dean's lips as he tapped Mary on the shoulder diverting her attention from the television to their son._

_Mary beamed with pride as she eyed her son and covered her mouth to keep a gleeful screech from pouring out of her. _

_John had already begun to rise from the sofa when he felt his wives hand on his arm and looked in her direction. _

"_No…" She whispered barely loud enough to be heard, "Let him try." There was an amount of certainty in her voice that John had never heard before as he cocked his head slightly._

"_What if he falls?"_

"_Then he'll get back up and try again." She gently pushed her husband back down beside her and leaned forward a little, both parents watching in anticipation to see where things would go from there._

_And then it happened, one foot in front of the other chubby little legs took their first step and then their second and their third before finally giving out, Dean landing with a thud onto his diapered tush. _

_Mary and John clapped proudly mist in both their eyes and matching grins on their faces, even as their son looked at them with a startled expression, His bottom lip quivering as he drew a breath in. _

"_You're okay…" Mary couldn't help but laugh as she got up from the couch and swooped the little boy into her arms just before he released the breath he had been holding and his cries rang out into the air over powering the volume of the TV. She cradled her young son shushing him softly against her chest his head resting on her shoulder._

_John watched on in amazement wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, unable to remove the grin from his face, their son… his son had just taken his first steps. He had never felt prouder then that very moment, never felt more alive, his life at that moment was as complete and perfect as his little boy._

_Getting up from where he sat on the couch he closed the small distance between himself and his family placing his hand on the small of Mary's back and leaning in to plant a kiss on Dean's forehead he whispered softly, "I'm proud of you son…."_

Present Day

John pushed the memory he had just been reliving into the back of his mind and ran a hand through his hair as Sam's voice came to his ears. "Penny for your thoughts?"

John shook his head toward his youngest. It had been a little over seven weeks since Dean's pen incident, and also since the sensation had returned to his left leg. Today was going to be another day just like the one he had experienced over twenty-six years ago, he didn't know how he knew, but John was sure of it. Mary might not have been standing there next to him, he might not have been able to see her, but he knew that she would guide their son just as she always had, he knew that wherever she was she was watching and waiting with the same anticipation as her husband. That confident look in her eyes as she looked down upon him.

Sam crossed the room to where his brother was sitting in his chair still eyeing the contraption before him as though he were sizing it up for a whole new battle. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" He asked crouching down a little and looking Dean in the eye.

"I can feel." Dean stated bluntly, forcing his gaze away and looking at Sam, a renewed and hopeful gleam in his eyes, mixed evenly with fear and nausea "Maybe not everything, but enough…. I have to try."

"If you're sure." Sam nodded pretending not to notice the uncertainty looking back at him, "Then let's do this."

"Sam?"

"Hmmmm?"

"Just… Don't let me fall alright?"

"I'll do my best." The younger man whispered as he gripped his brother, under his arms and pulled him to his feet pushing the chair out of the way and standing behind him, "If you feel like you can't… just say the words man."

Dean nodded and reached out shaky hands, his unsteadied legs trembling as he gripped tight to the walker in front of him as though he life depended on it… Because in his eyes it did. "I can do this." His voice was laced with question rather than fact.

"Yes you can." John reassured him leaning back against the far wall and crossing his arms over his chest, "Just take your time and steady yourself."

Sam looked his brother up and down slowly making sure he wasn't in any immediate danger, "You got it?" He whispered keeping his words as low as he could attempting not to startle the concentrating man.

"You can let go…" Dean's voice shook as much as his legs if not more so… He could feel his heart leaping and racing in his chest as he fought to catch his breath, as he fought to keep his game face on and not show the fear that was currently engulfing him more and more with each passing second. He didn't want Sam to let go, he didn't want to do this on his own, but he knew he needed to.

"Are you sure?"

"Let go Sammy."

Sam did as he was told and slowly eased the grip he had on his brother before taking a step back making sure he was ready to leap forward at the first sign of distress.

Dean's fingers squeezed tighter to the walker as he felt Sam letting go, this was it, the moment of truth, the moment to prove himself, not only to Sam or his father, but to himself. He stood nearly frozen as he planned out his next moves in his head. He was going to walk… Slow steady steps was all it was going to take now. He was already up, already standing, the hard part was over, now all he needed to do was move.

Sam drew his lip into his mouth, even from where he stood he could see his brother's flesh trembling as he swallowed and steadied his own nerves before speaking. "Use your left for to lead off, one foot in front of the other, just like the parallel bars, you can do this just take a deep breath and relax."

John closed his eyes and whispered a silent prayer to himself before opening them again, part of him was telling him to run to his son … to help him, to hold him the way he and Mary had all those years before, but he knew that wasn't the answer, he wasn't a child any longer, he was a man and he needed to do this on his own.

Now, it was Dean's turn to close his eyes, his brother's simple instructions whispering to him in the back of his mind as he did what he was told. Pushing the walker only a few centimeters in front of himself, he lifted his foot up off of the carpet, a small grunt coming from his lips before he placed it down again dragging his right one behind it forcefully. And then again, another few centimeters, this went on for a few steps before finally he felt the shaking inside his body overwhelm his desire to keep moving and his body wavered.

"Sammy…" He mumbled under his breath feeling his hands slipping.

Sam and John who had both been watching with admiration and satisfaction in their gazes rushed forward in unison as they saw Dean's body begin to sway the contraption helping him hold himself up threatening to give way.

"I gottcha." Sam's voice was smooth and calm even though Dean could hear the tears hidden inside of it.

"You're such a girl." He whispered with a snort, as he felt his brother welcomingly grip him around the waist and collapsed into him a little harder then he meant to sending Sam stumbling just a foot or two before regaining his balance.

John couldn't help but chuckle as he moved around to Dean's side and took some of the weight from Sam's body shaking his head. He wanted to clap, to scream, and to cheer just as he and Mary had done the first time around, but suppressing those feelings, he settled for a smile instead as he helped Sam lower Dean back into the wheel chair.

"I'm proud of you son." He finally spoke when he found enough of his voice to do so laying a heavy hand on his son's shoulder.

Dean looked to his father and smiled at the words he always found so much pleasure in hearing, but wished he had heard far more often in his life. John had never been one to praise either one of his boys, therefore when he did, they knew it meant something.

"Thanks dad."

"So uh, how does it feel to be mobile again?" Sam couldn't wipe the smile from his lips now as he looked down at his brother, the hero inside the older man shining brighter then Sam had ever remembered it shining before.

"Tiring."

"And aside from that?"

"Exhausting?"

"Dean…"

Dean looked up a smirk playing on his lips, "What?"

"You know it felt good…"

"Of course it felt good Sammy, but there's still a long way to go before I'll be celebrating. I don't want to Jinx myself by starting the party to early."

"You're too hard on yourself you know that?"

"Yeah well one of us has to be… Mister softy."

"Shut up Jerk."

Dean chuckled a little and shook his head, "Pansy."

He would never say it, but the look of pride and happiness he saw in his brother's eyes mirrored those which Dean felt on the inside…. He knew that it wouldn't be long now, it wouldn't be long until his life was again his and this nightmare would finally come to an end.

_Thank you all so much for your replies to chapter 21, it is your words that keep me writing, please let me know what you think of this… _


	23. Chapter 23

-1_I'm so glad you guys enjoyed the last chapter, it won't be long now until this story is complete and it is time to move on to bigger and better things, but in the mean time I plan on sending things out with a bang…. Not yet though so as always enjoy and let me know what you are thinking._

**Bar fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 23_

**Village Profile**

**Local Residents Receive 12 year sentences For Attempted Murder **

_**- Ottoville Ohio **11: 17 Am -_

_Local residents Allen Jefferson, 38 and Robert Foster, 36 were both handed twelve year sentences on Monday in the attempted murder of a passing tourist outside of Jack and Jim's Firehouse last month. _

_The Victim, whose family has asked remain anonymous , was leaving the Firehouse with his brother when he was shot twice from behind. Customers and the bars owner, Jack Leavers, rushed outside after hearing the shots fired and were stunned by what they saw._

_"Al and Bob were still standing with their guns aimed." Leavers is quoted as saying, "As though they were hunting some sort of animal, wanting to make sure he stayed down." A few of the bars local patrons wrestled the pair to the ground and held them under citizens arrest until police arrived on the scene._

_"It was like a scene right out of a horror movie." Becky Johnson, a long time Ottoville resident recalls near tears, "The rain was pouring down and all I could see was two figures not even twenty feet away. The wounded man being clutched to his obviously younger brothers chest. The younger man crying, sobbing helplessly… I'll never forget it as long as I live."_

_Inside the courtroom, veteran Judge Reynold Patterson showed no mercy against the assailants, both first time offenders, handing them twelve years a piece with the possibility of parole in the year 2012. "Such Brutal and vicious acts are not tolerated in this world, and certainly are not to be tolerated in my jurisdiction, I pray that if you have children you have not taught them the same dirty and cowardly tactics you have used in your own lives." He was quoted as saying in conclusion before his gavel struck and the case was closed._

_As of press release time, neither the victim or his family could be reached for comment, the details of his condition and prognosis are still unknown at this time._

_-Kathy Kenny Village Profile_

Dean sat in silence staring at the words sprawled out before him on his brother's laptop, re-reading the old article over and over again to himself. Until now he had not found the strength or the will to read about what he had lived through, but he knew that in order to fully recover he was going to have to face each and every aspect of what had happened that night, and every event since then as well. Otherwise he would never truly find the closure he needed to move on with his life.

He knew the way the judicial system of today worked, he knew that in 2012 the men who had stolen his life, the men who had done this to him, would once again be free, wandering the streets as though none of this had ever happened, and then…. Revenge would be his.

A smirk appeared on his lips, laced with evil and comfort at the simple thought of that day not to far from now, the day he would look them in the eye and install a fear into their hearts they would never forget. Dean Winchester was not a force to be reckoned with and Al and Bob dumb-shit would find that out soon enough.

John stood at the entrance to his son's room and watched him silently for a minute, from where he stood the older man could see exactly what Dean was reading. Crossing his arms over his chest, he stepped inside and cleared his throat to announce his arrival. "Dean…" His words were cautious as he moved to stand directly behind his son, "What are you doing?"

Startled from his thoughts of vengeance Dean Jumped a little before looking over his shoulder, "Just catching up on a few things." He whispered only half lying.

"Oh really? What kinds of things?"

"Future hunts…. You might say." The younger man smiled again, he found it almost entertaining how much revenge, and blood shed against evil created a comfort instead of an uneasiness inside of him.

"Dean…" John slid down to his knees next to his son and placed a hand on his arm, "You have to let it go…"

"Let it go?" Dean scoffed looking toward his father his brow cocked in defense, "You of all people have no right to tell me to just let it go."

John knew his boy was right, but he also knew far to well what harboring animosity and dreaming of vengeance could do to a young man. How quickly and effortlessly it destroyed from the inside out, how painful it felt to wait, how consumed your life and your thoughts would become. And that was the last thing he wanted for his son.

After Mary's death all he could think about was the day he would finally catch the demon responsible and send him back to hell. All he dreamed about was the feeling of peace it would bring to him in the end… As he looked back though at what those aspirations had led him to, the hunting day in and day out, his warrior sons, raised with weapons instead of toys. a life where the only stability they had was the constant instability he forced upon them…. He wished he could take it back.

"Is my life really what you want for yourself Dean?"

"Your life is already my life dad, can't change that now, I might as well embrace it don't you think?"

"You really believe that if you wait for these guys, if you stand outside those prison walls and meet them…. If you destroy them, it is going to better you? It's going to make some sort of difference"

"No, but it might make this ride a little more worth it."

"Son please." John gave the arm still under his grasp a little squeeze his eyes softening. The orbs of a man who had lived a thousand lives and was still standing, now looked into his son pleading for him to make the right decision. "You're doing so well, your walking again, your recovering…"

"I still can't let them go unpunished dad,." Dean forced his eyes away and back to the computer screen, more directly to the article resting there. "I'm sorry…."

"The law is punishing them Dean."

"Since when do Winchester's believe in justice handed out by a badge?"

"Since this is a human, and not a demon-"

"Human?!?" Dean quipped snorting loudly, "A human? You call those sadistic bastards human, they are no different then any other monster I've hunted."

"And if you kill them… Then you become them…. Taking a human life is not a forgettable action, you know that."

"No one said I was going to kill them, I'm going to destroy them, they put me in this cage, they stole my pride and my life and when they breathe free air again I'll make them pay for it, I'll make them think twice before hurting anyone else…."

John sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair knowing that this conversation was one never ending, knowing that matching wits with his son on the matter was pointless. He rose to his feet, "Okay Dean, Okay, just please remember what I said when the time comes and act carefully…"

"When have you ever known me to be impulsive?" Dean chuckled closing the laptop and spinning his wheels to face his father with false innocence across his features.

There would be plenty of time to plot and plan later, for now he still had work to do. He would have his revenge and it would be sweet, but his father was right about one thing, he was not going to let it consume him, the time would come and he would be ready… but until then the thought was banished from his mind.

John rolled his eyes, "You really want me to answer that?"

"No…. I really want you to pay for some grub, where the hell is Sammy anyway?"

"He's getting cleaned up."

"He primps and preens more then any female I've ever met."

"Maybe." Sam smirked poking his head around the doorframe, "But at least he doesn't use words like Primps and Preens….Now did someone say food?"

"Do you ever think with anything aside from your stomach?" Dean rolled his neck from side to side popping it.

"You're really one to talk on that subject… Stealing the hour devours at funerals where we don't even belong!"

"I do not!"

"Mini hot dogs?!?!"

"Oh please that was one time!"

"What about at the auction house when you nearly ate Sarah out of house, home and mini quiche? Or when you stole the nuts from that dead guys desk at a crime scene?!?!"

John's eyes went wide with mock surprise as he turned to Dean who suddenly looked more then defeated, "You stole nuts from a dead guy? Dean, I thought I taught you better then that!"

"Oh please, not you too…. Sam is not completely innocent in all this you know?"

"Name one time that you've seen me hoard food while on a case." Sam put one hand on each of his hips a cocky expression plastering his face as he looked down at his brother tapping his foot.

"Well, Um….I." Dean sighs and ran a hand through his hair, "There was that…" He grunted in defeat and scowled, "I can't remember any right now!"

"That's because there are none!"

"Oh shut up! And stop standing like that you look like a chick… again."

John covered his mouth and stepped behind his son trying to suppress another laugh as he pushed him out of the room, "I think it's time to go eat boys…."

-As they pulled up to Logan's Steakhouse, Sam and John climbed out of the van, both men stepping around to the back, Sam reached for the chair when John stopped him shaking his head, "No chair tonight." He said matter of factly, reaching for the walker instead. "He's been using this thing for a few weeks now around the house and it's time he try a little harder."

"Dad…" Sam sucked his bottom lip into his mouth nervously and stuffed his hands into his pockets, "He hasn't regained feeling in his right leg yet, you've see the way he trips and stumbles, the anger in his eyes when he falls… You can't just-"

"Oh yes I can… You know as well as I do that it's time for that final push Sam."

"What if he falls in front of everyone?" Sam was trying as best he could to defend his brother even though he knew it was pointless.

"Then the only thing he will bruise is his ego, he's spent damn near a year in that chair Sam-"

"Are you two coming or did you go in without me and leave me here?" Dean called back to the two men, cutting their conversation short and sticking his head out the window, craning his neck to try to see behind the over sized vehicle.

"We're coming." Sam eyed his father once more disapprovingly before heading around to his brother's door opening it for him.

Dean swung his left leg out before lifting his right over the edge of the seat, Sam reached in and offered him a hand which he of course rejected until he was out of the vehicle.

The minute his brother's feet touched the ground Sam's arm was snaked around his waist helping to support his weight, his free hand gripping the door handle for added strength.

It was then that John emerged from the back of the van carrying his son's walker under his arm a determined look written across his face. "Here you go." He placed it down in front of Dean and took a few steps back.

"This isn't funny…" Dean mumbled looking to Sam as he leaned into him a little heavier, "This is a joke right?"

Sam didn't say anything as he offered his brother a sympathetic look. A look that to Dean meant this was definitely not a joke, and their father was more than serious.

"Dad?" He turned to his father for an answer

"It's time Dean." John replied simply reminding himself inwardly to keep his best face forward and not give into the fear and pain he saw in his son's terrified eyes.

"I-I'm not hungry anymore…" The frightened man scanned the parking lot which was nearly filled with cars, cars that represented people, people that would be inside the restaurant, people who would be staring at him with judgmental eyes and pity filled faces. And suddenly he had to remind himself to keep breathing, panic was embedding it's self in his soul and taking over his insides.

"To bad, I'm starved, so let's get a move on…" The eldest Winchester took a step closer to his son's ignoring Sam's look of anger and Dean's look of horror as He gripped the older man carefully by the arms and pulled him free from his younger brother's protective hold.

Dean stumbled and tripped into his father's arms the minute Sam's strength was no longer holding him up, instinctively his nails dug into his father's flesh in an attempt to keep himself standing as he drew in a labored and shallow breath.

"Dean!" Sam immediately stepped forward but moved back when his father glared at him from over Dean's shoulder.

John carefully lifted his son back to his feet there eyes catching he locked his gaze, giving him a small nod. "You're fine." To his own surprise his voice was once again cool and confident, even if on the inside he was quickly becoming unsure what he was attempting to do was really a good idea. He couldn't back down now.

"Dad please…"

John ignored the final plea from his son's lips as he signaled with his head for Sam to bring the walker a little closer. The youngest Winchester set his reservations aside and decided at that moment that if Dean was going to succeed he was going to need all the help he could get.

"Dad and I will be right here with you, just like at home alright?" Sam tried to sound optimistic and confident as his father, as he helped his brother once again steady himself with the latest metal contraption he was being forced into using.

"Whatever…" Dean's fingers trembled as he gripped on to the walker, inhaling he forced them steady again and swallowed hard.

As promised Sam kept in step with his brother, so did John one on each side of him they made their way slowly to the entrance. Fifteen minutes later they had made the thirty foot walk from the van to the front doors and John broke from his son's side to open the door for his boys. A proud smile pressing on his lips competing with the frown and disgust written across Dean's face.

"You're doing great." Sam whispered into his ear helping him over the slightly raised door frame, "See this isn't so bad."

Dean didn't answer. This was so bad, it was so bad he could feel his hunger turn to nausea in his stomach, his body ached his muscles burned and his head was spinning as he stepped into the over crowded restaurant. He didn't want to be doing this, he didn't want to be here, he felt almost physically sick he was so uncomfortable as he lowered his head.

"Table for three please?" John's voice echoed through Dean's ears from a few feet in front of him as he spoke to the hostess, "Something close to the front if it's available."

Just as before, Dean could feel her eyes, tearing in his flesh, burning into his pathetic form. Anger surged throughout his body and his knuckles turned white squeezing tighter to his walker. He was once again the center of attention the star clown and main attraction of a three ring circus. He wanted nothing more then to pick up the damn metal monster, and throw it against the wall…

"Relax." Sam whispered placing a hand on top of his brothers as Dean kept his gaze on the carpet,

"Shut up." He spat out venomously under his breath accompanied by a low growl.

"Right this way please…" the tiny framed brunette grabbed three menus and Lead John toward the seating area.

Sam and Dean fallowed, Sam resting his hand on he mid section of Dean's back and leading him almost as one would a blind man, as the older man continued to keep his orbs studying the ground. He was not going to look up, he didn't need to, he knew they were looking, watching, gawking.

Dean felt disgusting, repulsive and invalid, the only small comfort he found was the hand of his brother pressed against his back. Sam was there with him, and if Sam was there with him he could be strong, he could be fearless, he could-

Dean's thoughts were interrupted by his own clumsiness as he tripped on the edge of a small area rug no less then two feet from his destination. The front wheel catching on to the carpet his right leg tripped his left and before any of them knew what was happening…. Before Sam could stop him.

Dean found himself smacking not so softly against the carpet, the walker flying from his grasp and landing with a thud a few feet away. A chorus of gasping intakes of breath from the tables surrounding him fallowing soon after.

"DAMN-IT!" He cursed loudly over powering there awe stricken replies. At that minute he wanted nothing more then to lay there and die rather then face the world again.

Sam leaned down and placed a hand on his brother's arm, he too could now feel the stares and the dropped jaws all looking in their direction as he gazed upward at each one of them, his cheeks red with anger his heart pounding fiercely in his chest, he wanted to scream at them, he wanted to make them understand… But the one of the things he had learned during his time living with a disabled brother, was that people would never understand, people would never stop staring, and people would never stop whispering,…. They were ignorant.

"Is he alright?" The waitress asked looking to John who jumped immediately from the seat he had taken and was at his son's side ready to help him up.

"He's fine…" John looked up offering her as much of a smile as he could muster, he knew that Dean was far from fine, he knew his son was quite the opposite of fine actually, but still this was something he had to do, had to experience.

"Dean." Sam rubbed the shoulder in his grasp lightly when Dean still had not so much as lifted his head from the carpet. Instead he still seemed to be cursing softly under his breath in reply to the torturing eyes he knew were still focused on him, and the embarrassment that had swallowed him whole.

"I-I'm fine Sam…" He fought to keep his words as steady as possible figuring he had already given the audience enough of a show determined that it would end there.

"Alright son, lets get you up." John purposely ignored the eyes he too felt watching them, _It must be so nice to be so damn perfect,…. _He found himself thinking as he and Sam hoisted Dean back to his feet and helped him into the booth. John retrieved the toppled over walker and folded it up sliding it underneath the table.

The waitress thankfully professional said nothing else about the "accident" she had just witnessed as she excused her self informing them that their server for the evening would be by in a minute too take their order.

Dean sat silent, his jaw locked face stone cold as he stared so hard at the table top, Sam swore he was going to burn a hole though it. "Dean it's alright-"

"Shut up Sam." Dean cut him off his voice lacking typical Dean emotion, there was no anger, no humor… nothing… it was small and it was cold.

John leaned back in his seat and eyed his boy knowingly, he could hear the whispers surrounding them the hushed, voices laced with pity.

"_poor guy"_

"_I wonder what's the matter with him…" _

"_do you think he's alright…" _

"_Mommy… what's wrong with him? Why does he walk funny?"_

Even a few chuckles here and there….

And he knew Dean could hear them too.

Still though he held tight to his ground, this was something that Dean needed to deal with, this was something that he needed to work his way past just as he had every other obstacle through out this ordeal.

"Dean…" He said sternly after a minute not the least bit surprised when Dean looked up at him a firry anger burning from his eyes into his father's soul.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"I'm fine." He spat back his voice burning with the same emotion and discontent as his gaze.

"Then act like it."

"What?!" Dean's voice grew into a low disapproving snarl now as he leaned forward a little more in the seat.

"You fell, it happens to everyone, if you let it ruin your night then the only person loosing out is you. "

"Dad's right Dean, who cares what these people think they don't know anything anyway and if they look down on you then…" He rose his voice a little, so that he could be heard by prying ears "They are the ones with the problem not you man." Sam tried as best he could to bring light to the situation, even though he himself was angered and infuriated by all of it.

Sam and his father's words were only mildly comforting as Dean swallowed hard and forced himself to sit up straighter in the booth, a booth that he wanted to crawl under and hide. He was a Winchester though and even if there wasn't much left of it, he still had his pride. He wasn't going to cower and recede under any ones eyes, especially not a room full of strangers.


	24. Chapter 24

Before I begin this chapter, let me start off by thanking all of you for your wonderful replies, from the get go my stance on this story has been that if one person takes just one thing away from it, then the time and effort of writing it was worth it. I realize now how many people it has touched thus far and I hope that it continues to do so until it ends. So thank you all so much for your wonderful replies and your dedication to it.

Bar fights and Bullets

_Chapter 24_

_Motionless._

_Trapped._

_Confined by a weight so heavy he cannot budge, Dean is laying flat backed against the red and black Asian style rug of Logan's Steakhouse._

_Laughter, taunting, gut wrenching laughter rings through his ears…_

_He wants, he tries to get away, but he is stuck. Bound to the floor by an un-seeable force._

_"Crippled….", "Worthless.", "Freak.", "Failure..", "Nothing…" hurtful words fly like daggers, mixing together repeating over and over.. A rhythmic chant that literally begins to rip into his flesh causing his ears to bleed._

_"No stop… please…." He calls out trying to be heard over their maniacal laughter…_

_Their eyes stare so deep into him that his flesh begins to burn. As they watch him, as they stare, Gawking, their words grow louder and louder._

_"Crippled….", "Worthless.", "Freak.", "Failure..", "Nothing…"_

_He tries to squirm free, tries to defend himself, but there is nothing he can do, he is as helpless as a fly in a spiders web, they move in closer and closer, his breath is struggling now to enter into his lungs, he wants to close his eyes, to wish it all away…_

_He can't blink._

_Then suddenly…_

_Sam is there, and for a split second relief washes over Dean._

_Sam will help him Sam will save him._

_His little brother crouches down in front of the crowd, his face only centimeters away…_

_"Sammy…." Dean's voice is tearful and afraid"Sammy please help me…." He begs_

_Sam doesn't hear him. No, Sam doesn't care. The relief that had washed over the older of the two boys quickly slips away as in horror he watches a smirk comes to the young man's lips. Sam's eyes turning from soft tender brown orbs, to red demonic hell holes in less then a second…_

_"Crippled….", "Worthless.", "Freak.", "Failure..", "Nothing…" He screams, his breath is hot his tone so strong so loud he can be heard above the rest._

_Dean is suffocating now, petrified as his brother's voice tears through him like sharp claws of a vicious beast. He can't run, he can't hide, he can't even move… All he can do is beg and plead._

_"No…No… Sammy please. Help me…Help me, please…" He no longer fights against emotion as tears begin to fall mercilessly and quickly from his eyes and down his face…_

_It's as though seeing his brother cry causes Sam's joy to escalate, the volume of his laughter rising so much that the walls of the restaurant begin to shake and then crack._

_"HELP!!!"_

_The faces of the strangers surrounding him shift and change, turning into those he loves, those he cares about, His father is standing beside his brother… Their faces matching in satisfied and amused expressions as they stare down at Dean's now scorched and flaming flesh._

_Bobby…. Cassie, Pastor Jim, Caleb, Joshua…. They are all there too._

_All laughing, all taunting, all pointing_

_All chanting…_

_And still he cannot move._

-Chewing vigorously on the ink pen between his lips as he sat at the kitchen table, John yawned tiredly and took a sip from his coffee. He was once again filling out credit card applications in order to help them get by, the name of choice this time … Joseph Stallion and his son's Kevin and Charles. He had just about finished when his train of thought was quickly derailed and his attention was diverted.

"Help…. Help me, somebody please…." Dean's voice sounded small and tired as it drifted down the hall and into the silent house.

"What the…." John put the pen down and looked at the clock in the kitchen, it was almost three thirty in the morning. Climbing to his feet he made his way back toward Dean's room, finding it slightly surprising that the middle Winchester's distress call had not yet woken his little brother.

Stopping in front of The closed door John listened silently for as minute arguing with himself inwardly as to whether he should go in or not.

"Daddy please…. Someone anyone… stop! Stop! Please."

John's brow cocked and he swallowed hard, Dean was crying, there was no question about that. There was no harm in checking on him, John decided before quietly pushing the door open.

The orange light filtered in over his head from the hallway casting an eerie glow through the now partially opened door, and John's chest tightened a little at what he saw. There was his eldest son, tangled in the sweat soaked sheets of his bed, his half naked body thrashing about like a caged bird trying to free itself.

His eyes were shut tightly as his arms and legs flailed helplessly. In coherent, sob like mumbles pouring from his lips, his head shifting from side to side, as his entire body seemed to tremble.

"Dean…" John called out to him only slightly above a whisper taking a step closer. "Wake up son."

But Dean didn't wake up.

Before John could reach his side, the younger man tumbled off the side of the bed, and smacked with a thud on to the carpet. "NO STOP!!!!!" His cries accompanied his fall.

John thought of course that this would wake his son as he closed the gap between them and stood over him a puzzled expression on his face.

Dean Winchester, professional hunter, always alert, always ready, was still out cold, still mumbling in coherently, still crying, still thrashing.

Only now as he crouched closer, could the boy's father see the look of horror, the painful tears, the anguish sprawled out across his son's features. "Dean…" His voice was thick with concern as he reached out and shook the trembling man's shoulder hard, "Wake up son."

His father's voice was a comfort, as it broke through the terrors of such a vivid and powerful nightmare.

Disoriented, trapped in his haunted sleep, fear having engulfed him, his heart racing, breath ragged, Dean drew in as much air as he could and accompanied it with a whimper, before clutching tightly to the hand shaking his shoulder and shooting up .

Dean was not a warrior, Dean was not strong, he was not fearless…. he was his father son… a child… Scared and fragile.

John's face filled with surprise as Dean's body was thrust against his. It took him a second to register that it was not cause for alarm… necessarily, as Dean's arm's wrapped around him within in seconds.

Trembling, and fearful his body shook "Daddy please…" he begged, "Stop… I'm your son… please…" John glanced down and found that Dean's eyes were still closed tightly, his face still red with tears. He could feel his son's pounding an unsteady heartbeat in his own chest and he frowned deeply.

Carefully he draped his arm around the body pressed desperately against his and held tightly to it. Flashes of his infant son entering his mind as Dean's head still seemed to fit with ease burrowed into his shoulder just as it had a lifetime ago.

Choking on his own emotions John cleared his throat. Shhh, come on Dean… Wake up Son." He tried again his finger's resting on Dean's sweat drenched back trembling to match the younger man's flesh.

"NO!" Dean's eyes shot open in an instant, and john grimaced as the hold Dean had on him tightened momentarily.

It took a second before Dean's breathing evened out, his coherency returning to him, he found his body pressed against something vaguely familiar, something warm and soft. A scent over powering his senses that immediately relaxed him.

John exhaled in relief as the stiffness of his son's limbs subsided and he knew he had finally awaken from whatever terrors had been holding so tightly to him. Slowly the older man drew back, "Dean?"

Dean blinked against the darkness and found his father's face in front of him before looking around slowly finding himself sprawled out on the floor. His brow rose in question, but he remained wordless, trying to put it all together in his head.

"You were having quite the nightmare." John offered only now letting his hand slide from Dean's back.

"Obviously…"

"Do you want to talk about it?" John climbed to his feet and reached down gripping his son by the arms. Pulling him up off the floor before gently helping him back on to the bed.

Dean's limbs being less then cooperative at the moment, he had to clutch to his father firmly to keep from landing once more on to the carpet. "I- I don't remember…" he cursed inwardly the minute the words left his lips, even he was unconvinced by them. The imagery still embedded in his mind was so vivid so real… He knew this was a nightmare he would never forget.

"Are you sure about that?" John helped him resituate his legs before sitting down on the edge of the bed. Reaching over he turned on the small lamp resting on the nightstand and studied his son. Although he seemed much calmer then he had been in his fitful sleep, Dean still seemed more then a little shaken.

"It was nothing really…" He tried again running a hand through his hair attempting to compose himself as best he could before leaning back against the headboard purposely avoiding his father's worried gaze.

"The only way you are going to get past these things is to talk about them."

"You're starting to sound like Sam…"

"Well.." The eldest Winchester smirked slightly, "He always was the one to take cues from when it came to the emotional side of life."

"It was just a nightmare Dad."

"No nightmare has ever caused you to…" John let the words die off on his lips as he shook his head, "This was not just a nightmare, now come on out with it."

Dean exhaled in defeat his shoulders slumping slightly, He didn't want to talk about it, he might have needed to, but he didn't want to… He knew though that his father was as stubborn as a mule. "Everyone was staring at me… laughing at me, screaming at me." He whispered sheepishly knowing he had no choice.

He felt stupid and childish admitting that something so insignificant, so trivial… So unsubstantial to everything else going on in his life, had impacted him so hard that it was consuming his thoughts and now even his dreams… Well nightmares anyway. He didn't care what people thought, he was Dean Winchester, in his eyes opinions were the same as assholes, everyone had one and many of them stunk.

So why was it getting to him? Why was he letting it?

"Dean…" John's brow creased almost identically to the way his son's always did as he drew his lip into his mouth thinking over his next words, choosing them carefully, "Son, people are afraid of what they don't understand."

"I just I can't stop thinking about the look in their eyes, the pity and even the amusement… I don't want to be looked down on anymore."

"For every person who looks down on you… There is one who looks up to you as well…."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that." Dean twisted the corner of the blanket around his finger over and over again his eyes still cast downward, "I didn't see any admirable gazes coming my way in that restaurant."

"Maybe you were looking in the wrong direction."

"How could anyone look up to me? I mean come on…"

"How could they not." John cut him off, "Dean, there are always going to be people in this world who will find a reason to look down on those who are different then they are, the truth is… those people are so insecure about themselves that they need to pick on others, they need to feel superior." John never imagined having a talk like this with either one of his boys, he never thought that he would have to explain to them the cruelties of the world… And at this moment he found himself wishing that Dean's problems as well as his own were as simple as Demon's and evil creatures… rather then the evils of the human soul.

Dean didn't say anything as he contemplated his fathers words, he understood what he was saying, he knew all to well that John was right… But that didn't make it hurt any less when someone looked at him the wrong way or pitied him under their breath. "I just, I don't know if I'll ever be the same again…" He glanced up a little looking in his father's direction. "Before the 'accident' before I lived on this side of the line, I never thought that people were capable of treating someone like that… so….cruel? So inhumane?" He rubbed his face with his hand and sighed frustration once again creeping into him. "They treat me like I'm some sort of freak show attraction."

"You can't let it get to you…"

"Easier said than done."

"You just have to remind yourself that this isn't permanent." John exhaled trying a different approach, "There are people out there worse off then you who have spent their entire lives dealing with what you're dealing with, and they always will. You might not know it now son, but you're lucky, what happened to you was a raw deal and the pain you've gone through… I would give anything to take it away, but you're going to get through this…That's not the case for everyone…"

"Yeah." Dean's reply was barely audible as John rose to his feet patting his son's leg, "Now try to get some sleep will you?"

Silence engulfed Dean as his father left the room and he reached over turning off the light, the darkness was a small comfort to his still twisted and tormented insides. He found himself thinking about what John had said, how there were people out there who would never get a second chance at a 'normal' life, because really they had never had a first one.

He thought about the faces staring at him in the restaurant, the whispers and the pain it drove through his body. He wandered what it would be like to live like that for the rest of his life, to face such discrimination and hatred, for no reason at all….

To live inside a nightmare you can't wake up from, trapped inside yourself, so much to give a world that can't even be bothered to give you a single chance.

And his heart broke.

Someday soon, he would be on his own two feet again, good as new… but he knew just as he had told his father, he was never going to be the same again. He had seen to much, experienced to much, and he knew to much to pretend. The darkness he had always been smart enough to fear, he knew now, was nothing compared to the evils found in daylight.

As his eyes drifted shut a pang of guilt found it's way into his heart.

Dean thought about how lucky he really was, how he was going to get better again… And how not everyone could escape their nightmares so easily.

_A lot of you are going to think this chapter was uncharacteristic, but in my eyes it really wasn't… Not from emotions Dean has eluded to, but never expressed. I'll admit this was the most difficult chapter I have written so far not only in this story but in my entire 10 years of writing so please R&R_


	25. Chapter 25

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets **

_Chapter 25_

Sam opened his eyes yawning and glanced over at the clock on his end table. It was just after nine, the house was quiet which was not much of a surprise after the commotion he'd heard the previous night. He had been woken up by the sound of his brother's frantic cries, but hearing his father tend to him, he decided to sit that one out.

Climbing out of bed wearing only his black nylon work out pants he stretched and ran a hand through his hair before making his way out toward the living room.

The sight that awaited him, was not one he was ready for.

The front room was a mess, a heaping pile of metal in the far corner, metal that Sam knew had once been his brother's wheelchair although it no longer bared any resemblance to the monstrous contraption.

In the center of the room stood Dean balanced skillfully with one hand inside his walker. The older man's eyes were fixed heatedly on the far wall. The hand holding the walker clutching so tightly to it Dean's knuckles were white, his concentration completely focused on the task at hand.

Sam's throat clenched as he fought the urge to ask what the hell was going on and crossed his arm's over his chest, before leaning against the door frame simply watching.

Although he had no idea exactly what had brought on this sudden 'fit' his brother seemed to be throwing, he knew that the only way for it to pass was to let Dean do whatever the hell he was going to do and pick up the pieces afterward.

Dean's eyes were blazing deep with fire, his features set like stone into a look of anger and fear as he drew his handgun from his pocket and aimed it toward the small target on the wall.

"You can do this…." His whisper was barely audible as he looked through the small hole aligning his shot. "Come on you pussy."

But no matter how many insults he threw in his own direction, no matter how hard he tried to calm his nerves, the fearful man's hand shook uncontrollably the gun threatening to fall from his grasp. There was sweat rolling like rain down his forehead, his heart beating like a thousand drums in his chest.

Dean was scared.

No matter how much he fought against it, no matter how many times he tried to remind himself how good a shot he knew he was, he couldn't steady his hand, he couldn't press his finger against the trigger, he couldn't forget the images, the pain, the memories flashing in front of his eyes even as they remained open. He just couldn't, the sense of failure once more was working it's way inside of him as he grunted softly. He had shot so many evil things in his life time, he had held a gun so many times it was like second nature to him…. Or it used to be anyway. So why couldn't he do it?

Sam frowned drawing his lip into his mouth, he could see his brother's entire body shaking with fear… He could hear each struggled and shallow intake of breath, he could practically feel the emotion radiating off of the other man's flesh… And he couldn't take it anymore.

With a few quick and quiet strides the younger yet taller man was standing behind his brother and slowly he reached out placing calm and steady hands over trembling, sweaty ones. "Take a deep breath."

Dean flinched feeling Sam now standing behind him, his hands locked underneath his brother's. He didn't want Sam to see him like this, hell he didn't want anyone to see him like this… But all the same he couldn't bring himself to get angry, he couldn't scream at Sam to get away, he couldn't pull free…

He would never say it, he would never so much as elude to it, but having Sam always one step behind him, always with in arms reach, always there… Was a comfort unlike any he had ever known before, it was consistency when he had none.

So he did as he was told and closed his eyes drawing in a deep and lung aching breath as he felt Sam's finger forcefully press down against his.

_Blood._

_Pain._

_Destruction._

_Anger. _

_Fire._

A single gunshot filled Dean's ears and immediately his emotions over ran any and everything else inside of him.

The last nine months or so rushing back to him and ripping through his soul… Everything that had happened, everything he had been through, everything he had felt… It was all there again just below the surface. Gnawing at him like a hell hound attached to his heel.

Sam watched as his brother's body visibly jumped at the sound of the gun firing, he felt Dean's entire frame tense up and his frown deepened, "Dean…" He whispered cautiously letting go of the gun and stepping back a little putting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "You alright man?"

But Dean didn't answer, he didn't even hear Sam talking to him, as his eyes opened again, red and hot with tears, it was as through that single shot had opened an entire flood gate….

His grip on the gun tightened and he shot it again, then a third time and a forth, flinching each time until there were no more bullets and all that could be heard was the clicking and rotating of the empty chamber.

Slowly his trembling hand dropped the small black object to the ground, his eyes still facing ahead he stared deeply into the smoke watching it clear. A sense of peace had risen inside of him somewhere around the third shot or so, and before he knew it he just couldn't stop. Shot after shot, fear induced adrenaline running through his veins he had done it. And it felt right.

Sam's eyes were wide now with both shock and fear as he gave the shoulder under his palm a hard squeeze and took a minute to find his composure and his voice again. "Dean?"

Clearing his throat as though he were coming back from some alternate reality a place far from here, far from now, Dean blinked rapidly a few times registering that he was being spoken to and smirked cockily in response. "Damn that felt good…"

Sam thought briefly about the neighbors and how this might have sounded to them, but as quickly as it came the thought passed, they had lied to the cops and the public hundreds of times, they would come up with something if the situation were to come to that.

"As good as it felt to dissect your wheels?" He looked once again to the pile of metal in the corner and cringed, he knew his brother still needed that, that no matter how much of a front the older man put up, he wasn't ready just yet,

"Better… I think. Although that felt pretty good too."

"Might I ask what brought on this sudden ….Change?"

"You can ask." Dean quipped as he reached back a little and peeled Sam off of him before pushing his walker forward and making his way up to the target, inspecting his handy work.

"Where's Dad?"

"Out." The older man held up the target proudly, "Bulls eye every time, guess I'm about ready to get back in the saddle eh?"

"Nice… Out where?"

"Bobby's." Dean folded the target and shoved it into his pocket, this was definitely one for the scrapbook. "So I'm thinking we should start looking for a hunt…" He tried to sound authoritative as he made his way over to the sofa and sat down slowly.

"Bobby's?" Sam fallowed behind him. "What the hell is he doing at Bobby's?"

"Bobby caught wind of a group of savage demon's a few miles west of his place and called Dad this morning saying he needed our help."

"Our help?" Sam couldn't keep the surprise from his voice or his expression as he tilted his head studying his brother.

"Yes Sammy, our help. We're supposed so meet them up there as soon as you got your lazy hump out of bed."

"We are?"

"Yup."

"Dad's going to let you… I mean us go on a hunt now?"

Dean scowled at the younger man's slip up, his reply coming out in a hiss, "Looks like."

Sam was confused, in fact he was beyond confused as he ran a hand through his hair trying to compute the information his brain had just been given, his insides immediately twisting into an array of large uncomfortable knots. Something about this just didn't seem right to him. "Did he uh wake you before he left? What time did he leave?"

"He left a note, I saw it when I got up…"

"Can I see it?"

"I threw it out."

"You threw it out?"

"Yeah…"

"Why would you throw it out."

Dean shrugged again swallowing down the lump that had formed out of no where in his throat, he hated lying to Sam, it always made him feel completely icky on the inside. "I figured I'd relay the message."

"Oh…" Sam tried not to sound as suspicious as he currently way rubbing his chin a little. "I see…"

"I'm sorry, if I would have known it was a valuable possession for you to hold on to I wouldn't have tossed it." Dean attempted to cover up his discomfort with sarcasm as he rolled his eyes.

"No, it's not that…"

"Well then what is it?"

"I just I don't see why you threw it out if it was a note to US is all…"

"Well I did so get over it and get your shit ready." Dean rose slow and unsteadily to his feet gripping his walker and making his way toward the back of the house, "I'm gonna shower I smell worse than an old guy in a porn shop."

"Alright…" Sam watched his brother disappear down the hall and into the bathroom before taking out his cell phone and flipping it open. Any other time he would have taken Dean's word and done as he was told, but something about all of this seemed wrong. Why would his dad let them… Let Dean hunt when he could barely walk? Why would he risk throwing away his son's life like that?

Quietly he stepped outside the apartment and leaned against the wall as the other line began to ring.

"'ello?" Came the gruff and deep voice that Sam immediately recognized as heir family friend Bobby.

"Hey Bobby, it's Sam… is my dad there with you?"

"Hey Sammy.. Yeah he's here hold on." Bobby's voice became muffled as Sam heard him call out something that he couldn't quite understand.

So far Dean had been telling the truth, that was a good sign… or a bad sign… Depending on how Sam decided to look at it.

"Sam." John's voice cut into his self argument, "Are you on the road yet?"

"So you do want us to come there then?"

"Us?" John frowned a little even though he could not be seen, "Didn't you get my note?"

"No, Dean was up before me, he got it, told me you wanted us to come out there something about a group of savage demons?"

"Damn-it." John cursed under his breath, "I should of known he would try to pull something like this."

"Something like what? Dad what are you talking about?"

"I thought you would be the one to get the note, I didn't ask for both of you to come here… I asked for you to come… Bobby and I can't handle this one on our own, we need all the man power we can get, you know these things they travel in packs of eight to twelve, and the only way to kill them is a…"

"blessed bullet through the heart." Sam finished for him, suddenly everything he had seen that morning made sense…. The wheel chair, the gun, the cocky grins and of course the bucket full of lies. Dean was definitely putting up one hell of a façade.

"Yeah."

"Sneaky bastard." Sam mumbled to himself popping his neck,

"Huh?"

"Nothing… I'll be there soon alright?"

"Your brother, he uh, he can't come…. having him out there is going to do us more harm then good right now…." John sighed a little, he knew his son and Dean was not going to like this situation in the slightest, but he had already almost lost him once, he was not going to go through that again.

"I know. I'll take care of it."

Sam hung up the phone and leaned heavier against the wall closing his eyes, he hated the thought of leaving Dean alone, he hated the thought of hunting without him, it felt like… like half of him was missing, like he wasn't safe without his brother watching his back. But John was right, Dean couldn't fight yet, he wasn't ready… Hell he wasn't anywhere near ready…. And he was just going to have to understand.

Making his way back into the house he grabbed his duffel bag and began tossing things into it as he heard the shower shut off. Dean was still using a shower chair so that there was less risk of him falling and hurting himself. It also helped the stubborn and pigheaded older brother feel more independent, something that in the long run made all of them feel better.

How was Sam going to do this, how was he going to look his brother in the eyes and force him to stay? How was he going to win a battle he didn't even know how to fight with a man twice as stubborn as he ? As he threw the last shirt into his bag his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Dean's voice coming down the hall growing closer and closer with each word.

"Sam? You about ready? Or am I going to have to figure out how to drive the car on my own and leave your ass here?"

Sam drew in as much of a breath as he could muster and looked up just in time to see his brother appear in the doorway. Dean's body immediately slumped against the door frame and it was easy to see just how tired he was, how much the simple fifteen steps from the bathroom had taken from him.

"You're not going." He said simply unable to come up with any way to sugar coat it.

"What?"

"I talked to dad, and well… You're not going."

"Sam… That's ridiculous. Of course I'm going. There is no way you are going on a hunt without me to back you up."

"Dean. There is no room for argument here, Dad says you're not going, I say you're not going so…"

Dean growled angrily and took a step into the room, "Sam, you have no right to…" His words were cut short when as if on cue he tripped himself and began to fall forward toward the carpet his walker teetering but thankfully not falling over.

Sam jumped forward and gripped him around the waist instinctively.

"I GOT IT!" Dean growled pushing his brother off of him, appearing weak and fragile at this moment in time was not going to help his case any as he snarled. "Get off me"

"Dean, you can't, I mean you can't even walk ten feet without getting tired and tripping… Your right leg isn't even mobile… You're only going to get in the-" Sam swallowed watching as pain immediately flashed in his brother's gaze before being replaced with anger…

"I'm only going to what Sam? Going to get in the way?"

"I didn't mean…"

"Yes you did."

"Come on Dean, you have to be reasonable about this…"

"I've been hunting since I was a child Sam, it's second nature to me!"

"Yeah maybe, but you've also spent the last nine months of your life in a wheelchair, like it or not… right now… You're not capable of hunting, you are a human being and there are limitations."

"Don't give me that crap." Dean spat out his jaw locking, he knew his brother was right, somewhere inside of him, he knew that he couldn't do this, that there was no way in hell he would survive a hunt in his current condition… But he didn't care, he was Dean Winchester for Christ sakes, he was born to hunt, born to battle. And no one was going to tell him he couldn't.

"I'm not going to risk you going out there and getting yourself killed just so you can prove your macho man dude, it's not happening I'm sorry."

"How are you going to stop me?"

Sam sighed audibly and shook his head with a grunt before picking his brother up and hoisting him on to the bed.

"Sam?! What the hell are you doing?!?!" Dean's face twisted in mortification as he felt himself being picked up and tossed on to the bed, "This is not funny, what the hell do you think you are doing?"

"I'm leaving." He stated bluntly tipping the walker over with his foot as he threw his duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Sam." Dean scorned his eyes angry as his brother turned to head for the door and he was left sitting helplessly in the center of a bed that wasn't even his own.

"Dad and I should be back in like two days max…"

"You can't do this to me Sam…"

"You've given me no choice Dean." Sam stopped walking but didn't dare turn around, didn't dare look his brother in the eyes, he just had to keep telling himself that this was the right thing to do.

"How the hell am I supposed to get down?"

"You'll find a way. I'm gonna call the hospital as soon as I leave and have them deliver a new chair… try not to take this one apart while were gone. I swear you're more stubborn than dad."

"Sam."

"There is plenty of food in the fridge, so you won't go hungry…."

"DAMN-IT don't you walk away from me." Dean picked up one of the pillows behind him and threw it in the direction of his brother smacking him in the back of the head hard.

Sam didn't even flinch as he began walking again, "Good bye Dean, call if you need anything."

"I hate you:"

"I know." Sam called back before closing the front door, locking a frustrated and angry Dean inside.

"Son of a bitch." Dean cursed loudly hearing the soft click of the door and pounding his fists into the mattress.

What the hell was he supposed to do now….

Catching the phone on his brother's night stand out of the corner of his eye he scooted closer to the edge of the bed and reached for it dialing a familiar number and clearing his throat as he listened to it begin to ring.

"Hey it's Dean…." He said seconds later into the receiver crossing his fingers that this was going to work. "I need a favor."

_EHHHHHHHHHHHH I hate it, but as usual I hope you guys enjoyed it, and thank you so much for your replies to the last chapter, and to answer your questions to where Sam was… I wanted there to be a bit of John Dean so Sam sat that one out._


	26. Chapter 26

-1_I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get this next chapter out, my dad (step father of 20 plus years to be more accurate) Has passed on and it has been a rough time for all of us, so my apologies. Anyway I thank you so much for your replies to the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy this one all the same. Even though some of you will no doubt be a little upset._

**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 26_

Bobby Singer had been a family friend for as long as Sam could remember the old tow yard where he lived, in Sam's eyes strange as it might sound to an outsider, was the closest thing to a home he and Dean had ever known. Bobby was their 'uncle', he was family. He could read Sam like an open book, even more so then John could most of the time, reading people was definitely his sixth sense and it was scary how good he was at it.

"So…." Bobby's gruff voice cut into Sam's thoughts, as he attempted lucklessly to concentrate on the pile of books and mountains of research before him… But all he could think about was Dean, home alone and more then likely pissed as all hell that he had been abandoned without much of an explanation. The guilt was gnawing at him like a pit-bull attached to his heel and he couldn't shake it no matter how hard he tried.

"So…" The youngest Winchester sighed a little and looked up from the page he had been studying for the last half an hour.

The look on Sam's face, the distance in his stare, the lack of page turning,… complete absence of idle conversation had not gone unnoticed by the boys' 'uncle' as he closed the book he himself had been looking at and crossed his arms over his chest. "Your daddy tells me you've taken on quite the load of responsibility these past few months."

Sam shrugged a little, "No more than usual…"

"Give yourself a little more credit than that."

"It's nothing Dean wouldn't do for me…. It's nothing that he hasn't been doing all my life."

"I don't know about that." Bobby cleared his throat and took a step closer to Sam leaning against the edge of the small table where all the books were currently scattered, "You know your daddy wasn't the only one worried about you two when you fell off the radar for so long."

"I know… I'm sorry." Sam let his eyes drop back down to the book he was still holding for a minute before looking up again more then a little uncomfortable with the conversation. The truth was he hadn't thought about anyone or anything aside from Dean… and what Dean wanted after the accident.

"You could've called… I could've helped you boys out… Given you a place to stay."

"Dean didn't want that."

"Why the hell not? I mean you boys are practically family…"

_That, _Sam found his thoughts whispering to him, _is exactly why not. _"He just thought it would be easier to… Get away."

"You mean to hide and lick his wounds?"

Sam chuckled, "Yeah… something like that."

"And what about you? What did you want?"

"I didn't really… I just did what he asked of me."

"Fallowing the chain of command like a good solider should?" Bobby almost immediately regretted the tone of his voice as he spoke, recoiling just a little.

Sam's nostrils flared at that as he shook his head in defiance and went back to looking at the book in his grasp. "No. Of course not."

Sensing the sudden animosity building between them, Bobby thought only for a second about backing off completely and letting the young man sit and stir in his own guilt and self pity… He thought about letting the subject go… But he couldn't … So he pushed just as he always did wanting answers no matter what the cost. "I just don't see why you wouldn't call someone… Not me, not your daddy, no one, you just let your brother pull you out of civilization and drag you under a rock somewhere."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Bobby pressed lightly against the subject matter still not satisfied, even though Sam's eyes were looking at the pages in front of him, the older man knew he was being listened to all the same.

"Dean just thought it would be easier okay,… that's all." Sam grunted a little his eyes shifting into a glare as he looked back in Bobby's direction.

"I would think you would have had something to say about it, after all it wasn't just Dean's life he ended it was yours too…."

"That's not true, Dean's my brother, and he needed me, end of story…." Sam closed his book, slamming it back down on to the table and rising to his feet heading toward the front door, he needed air… lots of air…

Bobby watched as the young man exited through the screen door letting it swing hard behind himself, and decided to not go after him for the time being, he had pushed far enough for now. With a shake of his head adjusting his ball cap the bearded man made his way toward the back of the house in search of John.

Sam leaned against the post directly outside of Bobby's house and drew in a deep lung filling breath before releasing it. How could he just up and leave Dean like that? His own words replaying in his mind and causing that gnawing guilt from before to now take bite after bite out of his soul.

"_That's not true, Dean's my brother, and he needed me, end of story…." _

Dean wasn't ready to be alone yet. Dean wasn't healed. Dean was still vulnerable… Sam needed to be with him, needed to take care of him, Sam needed to help him.

But he wasn't with Dean, he was here hundreds of miles away hunting a group of demons… Hunting without Dean, Dean his brother, his right arm, the only man he could really trust to watch his back….

Taking his cell from his pocket he looked down at it and drew his lip into his mouth. He wanted so badly to call Dean and check on him, to apologize for leaving the way he had, to make sure things were ok between them…

He needed to…. It was his job, it was the right thing to do… So why then hadn't he pushed the send button? Why hadn't he called him already… Was it the guilt? The fear? The uncertainty? His inner conflict screaming inside his head, Sam brought his free hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose.

He missed the past, those days not so long ago, when it was Dean who took care of him, Dean who worried about him, Dean who was the protector and Sam was only the protected…. It just wasn't fair.

"Just call him already…."

Sam shifted quickly on his heels to find his father standing in the doorway on the other side of the screen a knowing look across his features, his arms crossed against his chest just as Bobby's always were.

"Dad I uh,…"

"You're worried about Dean… And we aren't going to get any work done here until you know that he's managing without you… So just call him already will you? So we can get back to this hunt."

Sam smirked a little already hitting the send button on his phone, even though he still found his insides embedded with reluctance. "Yes sir."

Once the fourth ring sounded through his ears, the youngest Winchester felt worry begin to build inside of him. Why the hell wasn't Dean answering his phone? Where the hell was he? It's not lie he could go anywhere or do anything! He had to be home… He had to answer the phone.

"_Hey,… You've reached me, if you don't know who me is then you've probably got the wrong number and you should probably hang up before you waste anymore of my precious time…."_

His brother's cocky voice replacing the ringing in his ears, Sam swallowed hard and cleared his throat waiting for the beep. "Dean….. Dean this is Sam man, when you get this call my cell… It's important I need to know your alright, I'm worried about you."

- The silence surrounding the two figure currently placed inside the small rented Ford Focus was once again broken by the sound of Dean's phone ringing as he pulled it out of his pocket and glanced quickly at the number a frown curving the edge of his lips.

"You gonna answer that?" Came a soft whispered reply from the person sitting next to him as they shifted gears pulling into the left lane.

"No." Dean quipped before switching the small cellular phone off and shoving it back into his pocket.

"Sam again?"

"Mhmm…"

"He's probably worried sick about you."

Dean's frown turned into a snarl as he looked over at the petite woman who seemed to fit so perfectly in the drivers seat of such a small and dainty car. "Well then he shouldn't have left me like he did don't you think?"

The young woman sighed. "He did what he thought was right Dean."

"Yeah well he was wrong."

"I'm not going to have this argument with you again." She snapped back pressing her foot down on the gas slightly, she didn't know why she had agreed to do this in the first place, why she hadn't said no and turned her back on him….

As she found her eyes once again looking in his direction, studying him… She remembered, reminding herself exactly why she had done this, exactly why she had agreed to help him, why she couldn't turn her back on him.

Even after all this time, after all the space that had separated them for so long, she still loved him, she felt stronger for him then she had ever felt for any man in her life… Even if she had more then a little trouble expressing it. And now, on top of that love, that unwanted and unwarranted devotion she seemed to carry for the man…There was guilt, guilt about the last time she had seen him, about the last looks she had given him, and about the feelings she knew she must have installed inside of him with such pity filled gazes and stupid questions.

"Cassie…." Dean's brow rose slightly as he shifted his eyes toward her only to find her lost in some thought that was far from here and now, somewhere a million miles from wherever the hell they were.

"What?" Cassie blinked a few times pulling herself from her shame laced thoughts and looking over at him.

"You know I uh, I appreciate you doing this for me."

"Yeah, well, lets just hope that your dad and your brother feel that way."

"It doesn't matter how they feel, I'm a grown man and I make my own decisions."

"You're also as stubborn and pigheaded as they come and your family only has your best interests at heart."

"I'm a hunter Cassie, it's what I do…"

"No Dean, you were a hunter." She corrected him without thinking, sending a blow to both his ego and his heart at the same time, it was a necessary blow… but a blow none the less…

"Whatever." Dean's voice was as low of a growl as possible as he leaned forward and flipped on the radio shifting quickly through the stations to find some Metallica, B O C, Led Zepplin, something…. Anything that would calm his nerves and interrupt this horrid conversation he did not want to be having.

"I'm sorry if it's not something you want to hear, but you know it's the truth just as much as the rest of us do." Cassie leaned over and shut off the radio as quickly as Dean had turned it on.

"If you felt that way, then why did you agree to bring me all the way out into Nowheresville?"

"You needed a friend, and if I didn't help you I knew you would find some way to handle it yourself."

"Friend huh? Is that what we are now? Without all my working parts in order?"

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it!" She answered a little to defensively.

"It really wouldn't surprise me if you did mean it exactly that way."

"Come on Dean, knock it off…"

"I saw it Cassie, I saw everything I needed to in your eyes that day."

"I'm sorry if I was a little shocked Dean, it's not everyday I see the man that I care about bound to a wheelchair just idling down the street. I needed some time to adjust, some time to cope."

"Yeah well…"

"I Said I'm sorry what more do you want from me?"

"The same thing I want from everyone else… I want you to look at me like you did before, I want you to treat me like you did before… Even if everything has changed, nothing has changed…" Dean felt his chest tighten at the heaviness of the subject matter they had somehow managed to fall into and let out a sigh of relief as they approached the turn on to Bobby's street. "Turn here." He barked before she could answer his previous statement.

"I'm not treating you any differently then I normally would." She brought one hand up from the wheel after making the turn and ran it through her hair quickly, "My feelings for you didn't change before and they haven't changed now…"

"Up here on the left." Dean shifted uncomfortably in the leather seat forcing his eyes to look anywhere and everywhere except where they wanted to… All he could see, all he could remember was that day on the corner, the pain and the pity exchanged between the two of them, the way she looked at him as through he were as helpless as a child… And he didn't think that was ever going to change…. He didn't think he was ever going to be able to forgive her….

Cassie sighed irritated as she pulled up in front of the over sized tow yard and shut the engine off, "I mean it…" she whispered almost as through she were unsure of what she herself had just said… "Things between us have never been normal Dean.. But I've always cared about you…. Even when there were others, you were always there in the back of my mind."

"Yeah well…" Dean kept his eyes looking out the window now unable to look at her, he could still remember the last kiss they had shared, the last goodbye they had been forced to say, he could remember every minor detail of their past and he couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"You better, get in there before Sam sends out a search party to look for you." She smirked a little trying to hide her own tension. She was well aware of Dean's emotional closure, and she knew that now was not the time to push him.

"Yeah." He whispered in response as he forced his eyes in her direction, forced himself to look at her, to face her, and to say goodbye. "Well um thanks…"

Cassie felt her heart begin to pound so fast inside of her she swore it was going to fly right out of her chest as she watched him lean toward her slowly…

Her lashes fluttered to a close her face softening as he moved in closer and closer.

But then nothing…

Nothing like she had expected anyway as she felt a soft, tender, small kiss against her cheek and opened her eyes once more.

"Will I see you again?" She couldn't help asking, her voice carrying a light tone of disappointment as he pulled back.

Opening his door and reaching in the back to retrieve his walker from where it lay, he studied her for a minute, his typical Dean Winchester smirk forming on his lips. "Don't you always?" he replied before slow and steadily he exited the car and closed the door behind himself.

-"Still no answer?" John asked returning to the front room to find Sam still sitting on the center of the sofa his cell phone glued to his ear as he shook his head in response.

"No, and now it's going straight to voicemail…. I think he turned it off."

"Don't you know your land ladies number? Can't you call her and have her go check on him or something there has to be a reason for this… some explanation about-" John's words died off on his lips as he heard the slamming of a car door and shook his head, Sam instantly jumping to his feet.

"It can't be…. You don't think he'd…." It took only four stride for Sam to make it from the couch to the screen door his panic and worried expression immediately fading and shifting into one of anger.

Sure enough he peered out to see his brother hoisted stubbornly inside his walker watching a small dark blue ford focus disappear down the road. "Son of a.." He growled under his breath pushing the door open as hard as he could and practically flying down the steps of the small house into the tow yard, John on his heels, a mirrored expression of anger on his own features, just as Dean was turning to head inside.

"Hey Sammy…." Dean could see the anger radiating off both men's faces as their eyes tore into him like daggers.

"What the hell are you doing here Dean?" Sam spat venomously his hands balling into fists at his sides.

"I'm here to help…" He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"I thought the orders were for you to stay put."

"Yeah well I couldn't let you guys have all the fun, now could I?"

"Do you really think that's funny?" Sam couldn't help but sound even more angry, even more annoyed, "You think this is some sort of damn joke? I'm just surprised with how reckless your being that you didn't hot wire a car and attempt to drive out here one legged."

"Honestly the thought had crossed my mind…" Dean smirked smugly before letting his face go neutral again, "But then again it wouldn't of had to if you wouldn't have ditched me and left me to find my own way out here."

"What did you do guilt Cassie into bringing you?"

"I would do no such thing… she guilted herself into bringing me thank you very much."

"Typical." Sam growled loudly and shook his head turning toward his father his fists now white with anger at his sides, "You deal with this, he's your son…. He's hopeless, he thinks this is all just some sort of joke! He has some kind of death wish!"

"Sammy-" Dean tried but before he could get anything out Sam was already storming back toward the house. Leaving Dean face to face with a very angry ex-marine.

"He's been trying to call you for hours…. He's been worried sick…" John's voice was low and flat, which Dean knew meant he was more then angry… beyond pissed.

"Dad I-"

"I told you to stay home, I told you it wasn't safe out here for you, and this is how you retaliate? By disobeying a direct order?"

"I couldn't just sit there." Dean scowled, "I couldn't just sit there knowing that the two of you were out here with your lives on the line."

"You'd rather come out here, get in the way and get yourself killed in the process?!" John kept his statement cool, calm and matter of fact sounding as he moved in closer to his son and placed a heavy hand on his shoulder watching instinctively as Dean's legs wobbled not wanting him to fall.

There were those words again…. That phrase, Get in the way, everyone thought he was some useless civilian now who was just going to go out there and end up demon meat, like he didn't know how to take care of himself….

"I'm a hunter." He hissed

"You we're a hunter."

"I AM a hunter!"

"Dean-" John sighed, "You're not going out on this hunt. I will not have my boy landing himself six feet under because he has to much pride obstructing his view of reality."

"You can't stop me." Dean's chest huffed out slightly as he forced himself to stand a little taller and a little straighter, almost as though he were challenging his father in some way.

"I am your father!"

"And I am a hunter."

"I'm having Sam drive you back tonight and that's final…"

"Like hell you are…"

John's gaze burned with even more anger now as he drew his lip into his mouth, he was use to matching whit's with Sam, he was use to having to go toe to toe with his youngest… But Dean, this was not something he was ready for… "You're going home tonight and that's an order!" John demanded dropping his hand from his son's shoulder and turning to head inside.

"Well… Maybe I'm done taking your orders."

Dean himself couldn't believe the words as they flew with ease from his lips and he immediately regretted them even though he was not going to show it, he was not going to allow his father the satisfaction of a single weak moment.

John spun on his heels his angry stare bearing instantly into Dean's soul, he had not been expecting that as a come back… "It might do you some good to remember the last time you disobeyed my orders you nearly got your brother killed."

"I was just a child then." Dean still felt a tinge of guilt about the Striega incident from his childhood that had almost cost his brother his life…

"You still are a child… My child and I'm not going to bury you."

"Who says I'm going to die out there?"

"Who says you won't?"

Bobby who had been porch bound since Sam stormed into the front room obviously alerting him of Dean's arrival, chose now to uncross his arms and climb down the steps approaching the two men. The way he saw it this argument would continue on for hours if he didn't find some way to end it. "Hey Dean…" He acknowledged the eldest Winchester son before shifting his eyes to John "Everything alright out here?" He asked knowing of course that it wasn't…

"My son here seems to think he's invincible… He's come to hunt…"

Bobby sighed a little rubbing his beard shifting his gaze from John to Dean with a knowing look in his eyes, "Well he is of course a hunter Johnny, you raised the boy, you installed into him the justice of the hunt, you couldn't exactly expect him to sit at home on his ass."

"Yeah See. That's what I'm trying to tell him…. Thanks Bobby." Dean's voice was cocky and defiant as he spoke,

"Don't be so fast to thank me there kiddo…" Bobby turned toward him, "You disobeyed a direct order even though everyone of us knew it was for your own good, this whole macho man routine you got going on… it's not bullet proof. "

"Funny choice of words." Dean grumbled casting his eyes downward. As John's anger gave way only for a split second to a sympathetic glance, that thankfully his son did not see.

Bobby's heart stung with guilt at his own carelessness before he swallowed hard and decided it best to continue, the same pain and raw emotions he had seen all over Sam's face were worn identically by his brother as well. "But still there is plenty to be done… Plenty for you to do…" He reached out and gave Dean's shoulder a small squeeze before turning and heading back toward the house, winking in john's direction before doing so.

Dean stood there for a minute watching as his father fallowed behind Bobby both men leaving him to fend for himself against the obstacle course of hubcaps, car parts and actual full cars leading up to Bobby's front door.

His feet ached, his knees were weak and he knew that any second he was going to collapse. This was however his idea…. His bright and beautiful idea…. "What the hell was I thinking…" He grunted under his breath as he began to slow and painstakingly make his way through the metal maze.

Concentrating on every step and every movement his feet fumbled and he tripped repeatedly having only made it three feet from where Cassie had dropped him off as he felt tears actual tears of frustration beginning to over whelm his tired form,…. His exhausted mind and his broken spirit.

Exactly what the hell had he been thinking? He stumbled again and was rewarded with the metal bar of the walker jabbing ruthlessly into his side. "Damn-it" He gripped harder to the object holding him up..

Dean didn't notice the foot kicking things out of his way, or the small clanks of hitting metal, he didn't hear the soft sound of feet approaching as he concentrated on the task at hand his frustration reaching it's peak. He did however notice the firm hand that found it's way against his back and the fingers that gripped against his bulging aching bicep muscle.

He didn't need to look up, he didn't need to see the face that belonged to that hand, that grip…. He already knew who it belonged to… And he was thankful…

"Thanks…" Came a small mumble barely loud enough for anyone to hear.

"Whatever…" Sam's voice was just as soft, just as defeated as that of his brother's as the two men made there way toward the house.

"Sam…" Dean's walker stopped moving after a minute but he still did not look up, "I'm sorry…"

"Me too…." Was the only reply he heard before there was a long pause and his walker began moving again. "I bet your wishing like hell right now that you didn't tear apart your wheels eh?"

"That's an understatement…"

"Good. Stubborn bastard."

- Finally making it inside the house a good twenty minutes having passed, Sam helped his brother gingerly on to the sofa before folding his walker and resting it against the couches edge.

"You better get started." Bobby's voice rang through Dean's ears within seconds as he looked up to see the disheveled looking man hovering over him, a beer in one hand and a stack of thick ancient books in the other both being held out into his direction…

Dean's eyes rolled instantly tried and haggard breaths still rolling from his lips as he fought to catch his missing wind, "Bobby…"

"I said there was work to be done, I didn't say what kind, you want to be here, you want to help then you are going to do what I tell you and you're going to stay out of the danger zone."

"But I-"

"No buts, that tone you took with your daddy was hard enough to bail you out of, you are definitely in my debt now boy."

Dean groaned as he reached up and took the beer first then the books, he hated research… that was Sam's job, he was the gun wheeler, the hunter, not the nerdy book worm….

Opening the first of what he was sure were going to be many books he found his inner voice scolding him for coming here.

He should of stayed home, continued sulking, drowning in his own pity… Because this… this was definitely worse….

A smirk of satisfaction played on Sam's lips as he leaned against the hallway doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest, he was completely content, Dean was here, he could watch over him now, and with Bobby's brilliant plan not only was Dean being punished but he was being kept out of harms way….

Just the way Sam liked it.

_So there you have it, I found a way to close up the whole Cassie thing as best as I could trying to make as many of my readers as possible happy with the outcome so please read and review and let me know what you are thinking!!!! You know how much I feed off of your opinions._


	27. Chapter 27

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 27_

Bobby watched wordlessly from where he sat across the room from Dean, who was currently still placed in the center of the sofa. The younger man's face was contorted slightly , his brows creased together in the middle, his bottom lip drawn into his mouth. It was obvious he was in pain, even as he tried to hide it, tried to mask it, just as he had done all his life. His hand was mindlessly rubbing and massaging his thigh.

Looking around, the worried man noticed Sam's eyes glued in the same direction his own had been, John on the other hand was in full hunt preparation mode as he shifted through their supplies making sure to restock any and everything that looked remotely empty.

Dean swallowed hard and rolled his neck from side to side as he tried with everything inside of him to stay focused on the boring ancient text in front of him. He had definitely over worked himself, pushed harder then he should have, and his body was currently screaming at him like a nagging old woman beating him with a wooden rolling pin.

After a good twenty minutes of watching the middle Winchester Bobby couldn't take it any more all the shifting and rubbing, the discomfort etched into Dean's feature.

Rising to his feet he quickly crossed the room and booted Rumsfeld Jr. a ten month old rottweiler puppy off of his comfortable sleeping arrangement on the sofa's matching ottoman. "Down boy." He whispered giving the dog a small shove before pushing the thing closer to Dean.

Dean glanced up raising a brow at the commotion. "Bobby I'm fine."

"Like hell you are…. Here try this." The older man kneeled down and lifted Dean's legs up on to the soft brown cushioned object. For a brief second his breath hitched in his throat at how small… how atrophied the legs in his grasp were. But he refused to let his discomfort show as he cleared his throat, "You are just like your daddy boy, you never know when to stop pushing."

"You think this is bad?" Sam shook his head in his brother's direction, "You should see what he did to his chair since he refuses to use it anymore. It's currently a heaping pile of metal in the corner of our living room."

"I told you I don't need that thing anymore, I can get around on my own now!"

"We can see that." Sam huffed before going back to his reading material.

"Shut up bitch."

"Bite me jerk."

"Boys that's enough." John finally spoke up from in the kitchen where he was still standing over the duffel bag checking it's contents.

"Let me get you a little something for the pain I know your trying to pretend your not in."

"Bobby… I'm fine really…"

"Yeah, and I'm the queen of England."

Dean rolled his eyes as Bobby disappeared into the kitchen.

"We don't baby him Bobby… He brought this on himself." John whispered making sure to keep his voice extra low not wanting to chance being heard.

"What are you talking about?" Bobby couldn't help but look offended as he glanced back at his friend of over twenty years, "When have you ever known me to baby either one of these boys… or anyone at all for that matter."

"Never…" John answered honestly before continuing, "But that was before Dean's 'accident.'."

"Johnny, the boy is in pain, you're his father you should have been the first to pick up on that… All I'm doing is trying to make him feel a little more comfortable, I'm not babying him." The obviously older of the two men leaned up into a near by cabinet and retrieved an orange prescription bottle the label reading Medazalam and handing it to John. "Besides I think I found a way for us to get out of here without much argument from the peanut gallery."

John looked down at the bottle and shook his head, "How the hell did you manage to get these? Their like the gold of tranquilizers"

"You think you and your boys are the only ones who master disguises and false identities? I always keep this place as stocked as possible you know how I feel about hospitals, the less I have to see the inside of them the better off I'll be."

"This is true." John extracted two pills from the bottle and grabbed a water out of the fridge before making his way into the living room and toward his son, if anyone was going to force pills down Dean's throat it was going to have to be him.

Picking up the beer bottle that was thankfully only one forth or so of the way gone… a definite sign that Dean was in fact in more pain than he would ever let on… John placed the bottle of water down in it's place. "Take these." His tone left no room for argument as he held out the two small tablets.

"But dad I'm Fine!" But that didn't stop dean from trying.

"Take them, they're mild muscle relaxants that's all. They are just going to take the edge off." John's face remained as unreadable as a book written in ancient Egyptian as he smoothly lied to his son without so much as flinching.

- It took less than half an hour for the Medazalam to begin working John and Bobby were outside loading the car when Sam heard a long and drawn out breath escape his brother's lips and looked up to find the older man staring curiously down at his lap.

"Dean?"

"mmm?" Dean's finger's were currently stroking the page of the book in front of him, and he found himself more than a little preoccupied by the tickling sensation against his fingers… it was unlike anything he had ever felt before. And the colors…there were colors, hundreds of colors that seemed to replace the black and white text on the pages he had been reading before. Colors that danced like ballerinas right before his very own eyes.

"You alright man?"

Dean's entire body was rubber as he tried to bring his head up to look in his brother's direction only to find it flopping back unwillingly against the back of the couch and rolling over to the side. Heavy, everything was so heavy. "Sssssammmmmmm." His word was drawn out worse than a drunken slur as he blinked back the rainbow psychedelic colors that how now moved to decorate Bobby's walls. He wished he could touch them but his limbs weighed at least two tons, which made moving an impossibility.

His tongue flopped halfway out of his mouth and he began moving it around like a tranquilized worm on a hook it moved sloppily from side to side the sound of his own voice quite amusing he tried again. "SSSS-AAAAAA-MMMMM-EEEEEEE" before grunting and chuckling in the same breath.

Sam also found this situation quite amusing as he set the book he was reading down and climbed to his feet heading over to his brother's side.

Dean's eye lids were drooped to half mass his entire body devoured by the cushions surrounding him. "Time for bed." The younger man concluded as he slipped the book off of his brother's lap and set it on the floor.

Small unintelligible noises protruded from Dean's lips as Sam hoisted him up a little his body falling limp as a rag doll against the taller man's chest. "nnnnnnoooo.."

"Sorry buddy, but there's no room for argument here."

"nnnnnnnoooo…." The tranquilized man repeated finding his brothers shirt to be soft and welcoming as his head rested against it, he rubbed his check against the silk like fabric.

"Oh lord…" Sam mumbled to himself placing his hand behind his brother's neck for fear it was going to snap back and his head was just going to roll off… "Dean you with me?"

"soooooofffffft."

"I'll bet." the sober man was having more than a little trouble trying to manage the situation one handedly.

John was the first to re-enter the house followed closely by Bobby both men stopping in the doorway momentarily to watch the scene unfolding in front of them

Sam still attempting awkwardly to hoist Dean against himself with one hand while trying to resituate the couch with the other.

And Dean, Dean was more than a dozen sheets to the wind…. squirming slow and lax against his brother's body mumbling incoherent words the only thing any of them seemed to be able to make out was something about a white rabbit.

"I think your tranquilizers did more then their job." John whispered.

"Maybe two was one to many."

"How many do you take?"

"One." Bobby shrugged, "But I figured he's younger and more athletic…."

"A little help here." Sam growled glancing to the two figures he could now feel watching him from the entry way his nostrils flaring only slightly as he did so.

John snorted shaking his head and took a few steps forward placing his hand on Dean's head and pulling it back out of his brother's shirt carefully, his son appearing as though he were going to suffocate in that position.

"Hey sport." John whispered kneeling down a little and taking the weight off of Sam and on to himself.

Dean blinked at his father as it took a second for him to figure out who the strange man even was… "Daaaaadddddd…" his head lulled forward on to his father's shoulder. "ttttttttiiiiiireddddddd."

"I know. You're gonna go to bed right-" John didn't even have time to finish his statement as he heard soft slumber sounds coming from the face buried against his neck and smirked to himself. "Well… He's out cold."

"Good…" Sam huffed stepping back from the couch before helping Bobby and John reload his brother on to it. "Let's never give him those again… that was scarier than any hunt I've ever been on."

John offered his youngest a sympathetic smile. He knew that even with everything that had gone on in these past months, with how much Sam had seen and been through, it never got any easier on him to see his brother…. His hero in such a helpless and uncontrolled state.

"We should head out…" Bobby whispered

"Are you sure it's okay to leave him?" Sam's voice took on a protective tone as he looked down at the man sleeping peacefully next to him.

"He's out for at least eight hours Sam, he'll be just fine…. Won't even know we left until we're long since returned."

Sam nodded a little even though a look of worry still remained in his eyes. "Okay."

- Dean felt something warm and wet against his face and smiled to himself at the tender touch of soft kisses along his jaw line and up to his lips… "Mmmmm hey baby don-"

The words died off on his lips as soon as his eyes opened wide enough to see where such loving kisses were coming from…

There was Rumsfeld, tongue still hanging out of his mouth bathed in drool… The over whelming smell of puppy breath almost immediately devouring the now disgusted man's senses. With a loud irritated snort he pushed the dog off of him and on to the floor, wiping at his face profusely.

"Rumsfeld! Damn-it GET OFF ME!" He barked sitting up and grunting resisting the momentary urge to send the dog flying into the wall… He should of known it was to much to ask to wake up next to a hot chick and find his entire life had been nothing more than a horrible nightmare….

Speaking of waking up, Dean thought to himself as he looked around to find the house empty… When the hell had he fallen asleep… he couldn't remember anything… The last thing he could even begin to recollect was his father handing him some pills and water…

Running his hands over his face Dean looked up toward the clock, it was damn near four am, which meant he had slept well over nine and a half hours… or so he assumed from his last known memory…. His father, Bobby and Sam had obviously taken the opportunity of his slumbering to escape on to their hunt.

"Should be our hunt." Dean whispered quietly into the empty house, "I should be out there with them…." He could feel the anger once again rising inside of him at the whole situation.

He had been left here alone… And they were out there doing his job… without him… He had been tricked.

His hand shook as he reached down and picked up the half full water glass before chucking it across the room and watching as it satisfyingly slammed against the far wall and shattered into over a hundred tiny pieces. "DAMN-IT!"

He did not come here for a sleep over on Bobby's couch, he came here to prove himself… to help…. And this is how it ends up? This is how they thank him? Thinking they are protecting him?

- Bobby frowned from outside the door of his house hearing the shattering of glass fallowed very abruptly by the loud and angry voice of his eldest 'nephew' "Uh oh." Glancing over his shoulder he grimaced at the two men behind him, "I think it's safe to say sleeping beauty has awoken."

"Sleeping beauty?" Sam scoffed a little, "Don't you mean Oscar the grouch."

"You want me to go in first?" John offered up already stepping forward,

"Oh please, you act like I've never delt with one of your boy's tantrums before…" Bobby countered back before pushing the door open and stepping inside to find Dean leaning over the sofa scooting along it in an attempt to reach his walker on the far side.

"Sleep well?" Bobby's voice was very nonchalant as he spoke

"Piss off." Dean quipped looking up his eyes burning with anger.

"Oh come on now…I told you how it was going to be, you didn't really think I was going to let you go out on this hunt with us did you? You would have gotten yourself killed… and I sure as hell didn't want that on my conscience."

"So you drugged me?"

"You were in pain… I relaxed you…."

"You drugged me…" Dean's gaze shot up to meet his father and his brother ready to attack them with the same hostility as they entered the house. "And you two…" any and all arguments inside of him dropped to the pit of his stomach as he laid eyes on his little bother. "Sammy?"

Sam's left eye was already nearly swollen shut his lip busted open, his face appearing as though someone…. Or something had used it for batting practice.

"I'm fine Dean." Sam sounded fine…And Dean knew he had had injuries a hell of a lot worse, but Dean had been there for those… had seen them happening….

"Come here let me take a look at you."

"Dean…" Both Sam and John said at the same time.

"I said let me take a look at you." Dean growled rising to his feet slowly still unconvinced.

Watching as Dean's body wavered and he leaned into brace himself on the couch Bobby stepped forward and took his 'nephew' by the waist and the arm helping him in Sam's direction…

Dean's frown deepened as he moved in closer catching sight of his brother's battered face in the light, "You were the bait weren't you?"

"I'm faster Dean…." Sam tried to reason as he winced Dean's thumb lightly brushing over his bruised eye.

"Bullshit." The angered man spat snarling in his father's direction. "How dare you let this happen to him, how dare you use him as the bait knowing he hasn't had as much field time as the two of you."

"Dean. I've had plenty of field time alright, you and I have been hunting for years…"

"Doesn't matter Sammy, Dad and Bobby are more experienced than you…"

"Dean." John's voice held a warning tone.

"I should have been there to protect you." He brought his eyes back to his brother and completely ignored his father's reprimand. "No more hunts without me and that's final before you end up worse off than I am." The guilt of the entire situation was once more finding it's way into Dean's heart as he turned slowly bracing himself against Bobby for support. "Never again."

None of them said anything after that, the air between them thick with Dean's raw emotions, there was nothing else that needed to be said…. They knew exactly what Dean meant, exactly how he felt, and how much he was beating himself up for his brother's injuries.

"In to the bathroom Sammy." He called out minutes later from down the hall, "Let's get you cleaned up."

Sam looked in his father's direction and frowned a little, "Dad…"

"He needs this Sammy, you know how your brother is… Now go on go let him help you get cleaned up."

Sam exhaled loudly as he made his way toward the bathroom passing bobby along the way who gave his shoulder a tight and comforting squeeze.

"Sit." Dean grunted pouring alcohol on to a swab of gauze, "And take your shirt off…. That ones definitely headed for the trash…" He added nodding toward the blue button up now decorated in Sam's own blood.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" he looked his baby brother up and down with weary eyes.

"No, Dad and Bobby were there pretty quick to back me up before things got bad."

"Can you kneel?"

Sam rolled his eyes and kneeled down in front of Dean who was placed on the closed toilet seat, the only place to sit in the small under sized bathroom. "Look at you…" He grunted under his breath as he pressed what he was sure to be the first of many cloths against his brother's face.

"C'mon Dean, it's not that bad… You and I both know I've seen worse…"

"Still I can't believe they used you as bait…"

"You used me as bait once too!"

"Yeah and you spent a month in a cast for it!"

"You have to stop doing this man…" Sam winced as the cut on his cheek burned with the alcohol.

"Sorry… stop what? Stop worrying about you? Not going to happen man."

"No, you have to stop treating me like I'm a kid."

"You are a kid, you're my kid brother…"

"I can handle myself Dean."

"I can see that…" Dean shifted a little on the toilet seat and frowned bringing his free hand down to rest in his lap he squeezed himself a little and shifted again…

"Dean?" Sam eyes subconsciously came to rest on his brother's hand, "Are you alright?"

"I'm the one worrying about you right now…"

"I'm serious…"

"So am I… I'm fine, let's just finish getting you patched up"

Sam swallowed a little and looked back toward the older man's face… "Yeah fine." His tone was less than convinced. "If you say so…"

Only a few short minutes had past when Dean found himself shifting again no longer able to ignore the burning tingle in his groin he placed another used gauze on the sink, "Sam… uh…." His cheeks reddened almost instantly with embarrassment, "Can you excuse me for a minute…"

"What is it?"

"I just ummm, I think…I need… some privacy."

Sam's face shifted into confusion, "Dean what's the matter?"

"Nothing…" Dean exhaled grabbing himself a little harder this time, "I just… I think I need to…. go…." He whispered more than a little unsure, it had been a long time since he had felt any sensation 'down there' let alone THIS sensation as he resisted the urge to begin doing a grown man version of the pee pee dance… When the hell had his bladder become so weak?

"Go?" Sam eyed his brother suspiciously his expression clueless…

"Yes Sam…GO"

"What do you- Oh… oh shit…. You mean…"

"I need to take a leak!" Dean swallowed grunting through gritted teeth.

Sam never though those words would cause him to want to smile, resisting the urge he rose back to his feet, "Do you ummm… I mean can I help?" He tried not to sound so eager or belittling

"Come on man! I still have some dignity!"

Sam sighed apologetically helping his brother to his feet, "Alright well uh, just keep one hand on the counter and use the other to do your business… if you need… I'll uh be out in the hallway…"

"Fine"

Both men were more than a little uncomfortable, never once had they pictured themselves having this sort of conversation.

Sam made sure Dean was hoisted up properly and in no immediate danger of plummeting head first into the porcelain god as it was so often referred to before exiting the bathroom.

Leaning back against the wall beside the close door he smiled to himself, this was a good thing a very good thing, and he didn't care how it sounded or looked to the outside world… he was uh…. Happy for his brother's sudden step in the right direction.

"Where's Dean…" John's voice cut through Sam's admirable thoughts of his brother a few seconds later as his father made his way down the hall…

"In there…" Sam whispered pointing toward the bathroom.

"Is he huffing and sulking…"

"No dad he … He's going…"

John's eyes widened a little and he nodded, "Oh?"

"Yeah but let's you know… not make a big deal about this alright? He's a little embarrassed…"

John nodded understandably, "If um if you need something… or he needs something just holler alright? I'm gonna go try to catch some shut eye before we leave."

This was taking a hell of a lot longer than Dean remembered it ever taking before but still he had no complaints as he finally finished and just for good measure reattached his bag before zipping himself back up and leaning over to flip on the faucet. "Sammy?"

"Still here…" Sam answered without a second of hesitation, "Everything alright in there?"

"Yup."

"Good."

"Now get your bean pole ass back in here so we can finish you up."

Sam smirked and shook his head before heading back into the bathroom, something's would never change…. His brother thankfully was definitely one of those things.

_So there you have it, I thank you so much for the reviews to my last chapter! I hope you enjoyed this one just as much if not more, and as always I want to know exactly what you are thinking… I hope I did this scene tactful enough I thought over it long and hard, I also thought about not doing it at all.. But we know to Dean Winchester this aspect of his recovery is very important. So anyway yeah let me know what you think and I promise it won't be to long before the next chapter is up as you can tell it has become longer than I planned I just hope you all continue to bare with me through it._


	28. Chapter 28

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 28_

Two and a half months later

Dean glared intensely at the calendar on the far wall of his room, the anger inside of him, the distain, the disappointment seeming far to much to bare. He wanted to hit something, to destroy something, to scream… rolling over with a grunt he buried his head into his pillow and fought against the thoughts in his head to find sleep once again. Mind numbing and welcoming sleep, he never wanted to move again, never wanted to lift his head from where it lay… He just wanted to waste away into the nothingness he felt ravaging his insides… What the hell was the point anymore anyway?

Putting away the last of the dishes from the drain board Sam looked at the clock and frowned a little, it was near noon and he hadn't heard a sound from his brothers room. "Strange." He breathed out to himself before shifting to look at his father, "Dad?"

John looked up from the paper he was reading "Yeah?"

"Have you checked on Dean this morning?"

The older man shook his head a little in response, "No… I just figured he's been working himself so hard lately he probably needed the rest."

Sam tossed the dish towel on to the counter top, "Well… He's had enough rest for the day." He mumbled to himself before making his way to Dean's room and opening the door, scoffing at the sight before him.

"Dean, it's almost noon, time to get up man."

"No." came an immediate and bitter reply from the man whose head was now buried beneath the before mentioned pillow.

"Come on." Sam grumbled making his way to the bed and giving his brothers left foot a hard shake. "We got work to do."

"Go away Sammy."

The younger brother's brows came together in confusion, "What's wrong?"

"Nothin' I'm just not getting out of bed…. Ever again." The last part was purposely said soft enough to go unheard.

"Are you sick?"

"Yeah."

"You don't sound sick." Sam made his way up toward the head of the bed and kneeled down lifting the pillow from Dean's face and studying him, "And you don't look sick…"

"Well I am now go away!" Came a low and catty grunt as the disturbed man snatched the pillow back and replaced it over his head.

An irritated sigh escaped the tall man's lips as he ran a hand through his hair, "Damnit Dean… What the hell is this about?"

"Get out. Before I throw you out Sam."

"Well if you have to throw me out at least you'll be outta bed."

"You think I'm joking?"

"I think you bluffing."

Dean hissed and threw the pillow off of his face his eyes shoving daggers into his brothers worried and confused gaze. "Get out and leave me alone you stubborn pain in the ass."

"Piss off." Sam rose to his feet and took his brother's wrist pulling on it hard, "You're getting out of bed whether you want to or now."

His blood boiling, anger rising on instinct Dean rose his torso up off the bed and pulled his wrist back before shoving his brother hard into the wall only feet away.

Instantly shock filled Sam's features as he felt his back smack hard against the plaster and he slid down it with a sharp intake of breath before watching Dean retrieve his pillow and go back to his previous position without a word.

"Fine." He spat out coldly keeping the pain from his voice as he stood and began to move toward the door. His eye caught sight of the calendar on the wall and the emotionally wounded man froze in his steps studying the numbers closely.

His heart sunk and he understood.

Turning on his heels reservation in every step he made his way back to the bed and sat down next to his brothers form which remained tense and rigid. "Dean…"

"Look Sam, I'm sorry could you just-"

"You can't hide in here all day man."

"Watch me."

"We still have work to do…"

"I don't feel like it. I just want to sleep."

"You mean you want to wallow?"

"I'm not wallowing, you can't wallow when you sleep…. Sleep is wallowless ."

"It's still going to be here to deal with when you wake up."

"Yeah well…." Dean once again removed the pillow from his head and studied his little brother a complete sincerity in his gaze as he spoke causing a chill to run down Sam's spine. "Maybe we'll get lucky and I won't."

"Don't say that, you don't mean it."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know you, and you're not a quitter."

"Well, there is a first time for everything…"

"Dean, come on man-"

"Come on what Sammy? Come on and keep fighting? Come on you're getting better? Come on nothing' man… It's all a load of crap and you know it!"

"You have come far, you're on your feet again, you can walk, you're doing great."

"I can't make it two feet without you or that piece of shit walker so don't give me that I'm walking crap I ain't walking I'm being walked like a dog…"

Sam rolled his head from side to side and found another frustrated sigh escaping his lips, his brother was definitely the most stubborn man he had ever met and the most pessimistic as well he was quickly discovering. "These things take time"

"Time? Time ? It's been a damn year! A YEAR SAM! A FRICKIN YEAR!" Each time the words passed his lips they grew more and more angry, more and more venomous and Sam watched as Dean's chest heaved and puffed out with each word.

"And look how far you've come in that year man." came a small and calm reply as the now worked up man felt his brother's hand squeeze his shoulder in an attempt at reassurance.

"Look how far I still have to go…"

"You'll…We'll get there. I understand alright? I totally get what you're feeling, you thought that by this time… things would be better that you would be yourself again, that you would have beat this demon and be out there kicking ass again…But… Everyone works at their own pace Dean, and you're doing great you really are… You've got full use of your left leg… and uh… other things…. And your right side is improving almost daily….You're a miracle man."

"I'm no miracle, I'm just a fuc-"

"Don't…. Don't you dare finish that statement, your attitude about this whole thing has improved so much, you've been doing so well… Don't ruin it… it's just another day on the calendar man. Just another day like any other…"

"You can't tell me you really feel that way."

Sam squirmed slightly under his brother's eyes that he could feel once again studying him as he cast his own gaze downward, "I don't have a choice…" He whispered after a minute… "I can't sit around and count the days like I used to… I can't dwell on what happened or what might have been… I have to concentrate on now, on getting you better."

"There was a time when those words would have been coming out of my mouth…"

"And they will again."

Dean felt knots once again invading his stomach and he groaned a little and frowned, he didn't want to be having this conversation again, he didn't want to be feeling like this much of a failure, this much of a burden, this much of a flat out pain in the ass. Even if that is not how Sam meant it, which he knew he didn't… it still made Dean feel that way and he knew that was never going to change. "Sammy… Please, just leave me alone alright?" His voice was timid and almost shy as he begged.

Sam gave his brother's shoulder another reassuring squeeze before nodding and heading defeated out of the room his head hung low.

Watching as Sam exited Dean's room, John frowned and rose from his seat at the table able to read his son's expression within seconds, it was obvious something not of the good nature had taken place in that room. "Everything okay?"

The young man shook his head in response and flopped down on to the sofa with a long and exasperated exhale of a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in. "He's not coming out."

"Why the hell not?"

"It's D-Day." Sam said simply putting his head in his hands and resting his elbows on his knees, the conversation he had had moments earlier completely draining him of all energy.

"D-Day?" John asked making his way over and sitting down next to his son.

"One year."

"One year?"

"Since the shooting." When Sam's head came up John saw something he hadn't seen in at least ten years, something he thought had long since left him.

His son, helpless and childlike looking at him with desperation and pain in his eyes, an uncertainty that spoke volumes, a vulnerability that was more delicate that the thinnest glass.

And he had no words to fix such raw emotions. He could only imagine by the reflections in his youngest boys face, how Dean was fairing on the other side of that door.

Patting Sam's shoulder he stood and inhaled silently, he knew what needed to be done, he knew how rough it was going to be. But basking in the glory and the beautiful agony of self pity was not going to get any of them anywhere.

So as he crossed the room and stood in front of the door separating him from his son he put on his game face and opened the door stepping in.

"It's time to get up." He said indifferently coming to a halt at the foot of the bed and pulling the blankets off in one swift movement.

"Dad."

"Well it sure as hell ain't the tooth fairy now get off your ass and outta that bed."

Dean groaned just loud enough to be heard, "I'm not feeling up to it today." He reasoned softly making sure to keep his face buried.

"and what gives you the right to lounge around? Your brother and I have been up for over three hours already…"

"Good for you."

John ran a hand through his hair and shook his head trying to keep himself calm and collected, it was more than obvious words were not going to do anything right about now aside from aiding an endless battle. So reverting back to his son's teenage years John did just as he had back then.

Less than ten seconds later Dean found himself on the floor the mattress over turned on top of him as he lay sprawled out beneath it… He was definitely awake now. "DAMN-IT" He scowled forcing himself up and using his back strength to heave the luckily not to heavy mattress up with him. "I'm not a child anymore!" He spat out his eyes defiant

"Well then you better stop acting like one." John shot back just as quick moving to his son's side and reaching down to help him up.

Dean recoiled his hand quickly his lip sneering. "I got it."

John smirked and crossed his arms over his chest, it was still more than amazing to him how stubborn and pig headed his eldest remained.

The disheveled man's knees trembled and wobbled under his body weight buckling as he made it nearly off the carpet and sending him down again his face meeting the not so soft surface accompanied by an irritated growl.

Using the box spring this time Dean supported himself until he assumed his legs were ready to support him and he stood up straightening himself and shooting his father a cocky and smug smirk.

John simply nodded and continued to watch, he was up… but how long was he going to remain that way was the real question.

The lack of sleep and emotional exhaustion had seemed to take more of a physical toll than a mental one as the disabled man began to move forward and frowned feeling the now all to familiar sense of falling over take him his legs unable… no unwilling to cooperate as they became entangled.

Reaching out and offering his son only a half sympathetic look John grabbed Dean's hand and placed it forcefully on his forearm before letting his free hand come to rest on the boys bare back, "We'll take it slow… No mater how many more years pass."

Dean held tight and fast to the arm in his grasp as though he were pulling more than simply stability from the man beside him… something deeper something sturdier… something that told him as much as this situation sucked, as helpless as he felt, as alone as he seemed…. He was not helpless, he was not alone and giving up was sure as hell not an option.

As they made their way toward the living room Dean stopped at the ar wall and stared once again at the calendar placed there. It seemed like an eternity his eyes stayed fixed on the dark bold number staring back at him.

Slowly… Evenly, he reached up and pulled the calendar…. which characteristically of Dean bore a half naked Budweiser model on it's top half… from the wall, and tossed it into the trashcan below.

Dean realized now that it was just another day…. Another step in the right direction…. Another chance at a victory awaiting to be claimed.

"We've got work to do…" He spoke confidently once he was standing in the center of their living room looking into the relieved eyes of his brother a coy smile crossing his lips. It was a phrase the two of them often shared that always meant the same thing…

Translation…. We're gonna kick some ass….

It wouldn't be long now… Not long at all… As Sam looked at the man in front of him, and realized that here they stood… yes stood a year later, and only now was he staring into the eyes of the man he remembered, the man more than once he'd thought he'd lost forever…

There had been glimpses or shadows before, pieces of who he was, but today of all days… Sam saw the final piece come together…

in the blink of a hope filled eye…

His brother…. His hero… Had returned.

_I hope that this doesn't sound to repetitive, I wanted the anniversary to really cover a lot for Dean, the pain, the anger, the frustration, and of course the realization… So I hope I did y'all proud. Thank you so much for your continued support through out this story! Let me know what you thoughts are as always you know I like to hear it all… the good the bad and the indifferent._

_Rosebud_


	29. Chapter 29

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 29_

John stood arms crossed over his chest, a certain pride in his demeanor as he silently thanked his lucky stars for what he was watching unfold before him. there had been so many times in the months past, that he thought… That he feared this day would never come, Times when he himself had been on the verge of giving up, times that his faith in his own strength and the strength of his son's had wavered…

But standing here. Seeing what he was seeing , unshed tears of joy and admiration shimmering below the surface of his eyes…. Everything had finally come together, everything was right again, and he knew that everything was going to be okay.

"Sammy…." Dean's voice was a low and shaken whisper as he kept his eyes focused on the ground in front of him, concentrating fully on lifting one foot and then the other, steadying himself with each step. His insides were twisted into a thousand monstrous knots, sweat pouring down his forehead from the effort he was putting forth not only physically, but mentally as well. He was doing it, he was really doing it, one small slow step at a time. No chair. No walker. No leg braces. Just one very determined Winchester and his will to keep on going.

"I'm right here." The younger man kept his voice at the same barely audible octave not wanting to break his brother's concentration. "You're doing great."

"How many?"

"Eight." Sam's voice was proud and triumphant.

"Geezus. That's all? It feels like we've been at this for three hours already."

"thirty six minutes."

"Man time drags when you're working hard doesn't it?"

"Are you tired? You want to call it a day?"

"No…I got a few more in me."

"You can't push to hard." Sam frowned ever so slightly when he noticed his brothers weak limbs quivering beneath him, threatening to give out at any second and send him plummeting to the ground.

"I said -"

"I know what you said… but I also know what your body is saying, and I think it's time to stop for the day, eight is a very good first round… Tomorrow we can try for nine…That right foot of yours is still to weak to over work, we need to build you up slowly. Noah's arc wasn't built in one day you know?"

"Well I'm not Noah now am I?"

"Dean-"

"Sam-…" It was Dean's turn to frown as he swallowed hard feeling his knees collapsing out from under him just as they had been threatening to do, his arms flailing just a little as he tried in vain to keep himself balanced. He was more than relieved when his brothers forearm appeared in his grasp and he was able to distribute some of his weight on to his sibling with a shaky exhale of breath. "Son of a…."

"That's enough for today." John's voice left no room for argument as he approached his boy's, Dean's walker in his grasp.

The eldest of his son's nodded in compliance still trying to catch his breath untrusting of his voice as he swallowed, " 'Kay."

Even in his breathless and exhausted state though, as tired as he was, there was no mistaking the smile plastered on the victorious man's lips as he hoisted himself up against his walker. It was a smile so real, so genuine, and so infectious that John and Sam both couldn't help but let their own grins appear.

"I did it…." he shook his head still in a state of disbelief himself as though he had to say the words out loud to truly believe them, to make them real and to know that this wasn't just another fantasy turned nightmare he was going to find himself waking up from still trapped inside worthless and broken limbs.

"Yeah son you did…." John and Sam were both quick to each grip a side of the over worked man as his body even in the walkers confinements began to slowly slide toward the ground.

He was tired… So damn tired, and he didn't want to move another inch… He didn't think he could.

"Alright, lets sit you down before you fall down." Sammy's voice was confident, and strong as he spoke, something Dean hadn't heard in the last thirteen and a half months. Something that he never thought he was going to hear again.

"Mhmmm." Dean leaned heavily into him, he would of thought something so insignificant, so everyday, something he once had taken for granted, could have taken so much out of him.

Sliding down into the couch cushions he couldn't ignore the grin still plastered across Sammy's lips, the admirable glow in his eyes… Sam was proud.

Appreciating the emotion, but not willing to admit to it the older man smirked and cocked his eye brow in classic Dean Winchester fashion. "Oh god, we're not gonna have to hug or anything are we?"

-Two and a half months later-

She was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever laid eyes on, shimmering… glowing as her body glistened against the bright sun above her head. He had never seen anything so breath taking in his entire life as he took a step closer and ran his hand along her smooth exterior causing a chill to dance down his spine and embed it's self into his bones.

He never imagined in a million years that he would be able to look at her this way again, as though she were a part of him, a part of his soul… a part of his future.

There was a glisten in his eye, a gleam that could only be brought on by her presence. Fueled by the images of the two of them together on the open road once again, the past behind them and an unknowing future ahead.

She was his baby, his one true love.

And no matter what Sam or anyone else said, she was and always would be his number one girl.

Exiting the apartment that he and his family had shared for the last fifteen plus months Sam exhaled deeply and turned to face it standing in the small doorway, so much had happened here, so much pain, so much joy, and so many tears…. The confinement of these walls had been a safe haven for both his brother and himself as they dealt with the cruel and unforgiving hand fate had thrown their way… As they faced the odds and then defeated them.

Swallowing hard he closed his eyes images, conversations, and events of the battle they had been forced to fight forever embedded into his eyelids…. This had been one hell of a ride.

Opening them again he reached out and with a strong hand and a final glance pulled the horribly colored brown door closed. If those walls could talk Sam Winchester knew the stories they would tell would be enough to break even the hardest of hearts.

All in all he was glad to see it go.

Turning around he headed out toward the parking lot and stopped a few feet short of reaching his brother's side, shaking his head he took the sight in before him and a smile once more tugged at the corners of his mouth.

There stood his brother. His hero back and ready for action. A confidence in his posture, his head held just a little higher than before, his shoulders a little straighter and his smile a little brighter….

Dean was whole again.

Happy again.

And so was Sam.

Closing the distance separating them he placed a heavy hand on his brother's shoulder and smirked, "You ready?"

Nodding slightly Dean tore his eyes away from his beloved impala and looked to the younger yet taller man beside him, "On one condition…."

"If you're sure you're ready then…" Sam retrieved the keys from his pocket and held them out in the palm of his hand already knowing what that one condition was going to be.

Holding the small silver objects in his grasp Dean made no attempt to hide the widening of his grin or the chuckle of glee that ran freely from his lips. Opening the drivers side door he inhaled deeply the sent of genuine leather and years of experience that came rushing toward him.

Relishing in the moment, he slid carefully behind her wheel and closed the door sliding the key… his key into the ignition. His skin tingled welcomingly as he settled back into soft and worn leather seats letting them engulf him, surround him and embrace him the only way she could.

Climbing into the passengers seat Sam couldn't resist the smart remark that came from his lips as he looked over at hiis brother and more importantly the love in his brothers eyes, "Is this a private moment would you like me to leave you two alone or-"

"Shut up Sammy." Dean whispered under his breath as he leaned over and turned the key slowly. His entire body relaxed feeling her purr beneath him, the rev of her engine the most beautiful sound he had ever heard as he let out a satisfied breath and wrapped his fingers fittingly around the wheel, almost hugging them against it's warm metal ring.

Pressing his foot down to the gas, the way it seemed so perfectly to fit once again only made this whole experience all the more invigorating for the elated man, and the seven minutes it took for them to get from the parking lot to the local Denny's was to short of a distance for Dean's liking, he wanted to keep going, keep driving, and keep basking, but there were more important matters to attend to at the moment… And he didn't just mean the growl of hunger erupting from his stomach.

"Are you sue you wanna eat here?" Sam couldn't help but ask as they headed into the familiar restaurant which they hadn't visited since the last disastrous incident with the unkind waitress and the set upon set of staring and judgmental eyes.

"More that sure. Besides this is where dad is meeting us after he drops all that equipment off at the children's hospital. "

The younger brother nodded and a look of curiosity came to his features as a small blonde woman approached them, from her appearance he knew that she must have been the one from Dean's nightmare diner tale.

The same tan toned legs approaching him Dean's lips shifted into a cocky smile as he crossed his arm's over his chest and tilted his head back as she drew closer to them he couldn't help but notice her eyes scanning him up and down as though he were a piece of meat waiting to be bought and bitten into.

They were the same eyes that had taken pity on him, had looked at him with pathetic sympathy not to long ago, and now…. The same eyes with a different expression, a hunger, a flirtatious eagerness.

"Hello boys…" she charmed as she finally came to a stop centimeters from them her blue orbs never leaving Dean's muscular frame even as she spoke. "My name's-"

"Patty." Dean finished for her remembering her name without even having to glance down at her name tag, in fact advising himself against it, if he looked at her name tag, he would without meaning to find himself looking at… something else, so he simply reminded himself who this woman was, kept himself focused on her eyes… those eyes.

"That's right…." She cocked her head a little to the side and studied him for a minute as thought she were trying to place his adorable and handsome features from somewhere. "Do I uh know you…?"

"You could say that." he couldn't stop the curt response before clearing his throat, "although the last time I was in here I'm pretty sure you weren't looking at me like that…"

"I-I'm sorry?"

"Maybe if I go out to the car and grab my wheels you'll remember then…."

The young woman gasped almost instantly covering her mouth with her hand, before dropping it again. "You were in here with your father that morning weren't you?"

Dean nodded,

"Wow…I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, I mean I see so many different people everyday, and I-"

"That's not why you didn't recognize me but now that you have can you please seat us? We'd like to eat sometime today this being a restaurant and all."

"Oh yeas of course… Right this way." She grabbed to menus before leading them toward the back of the seating area.

Sam, who had been watching the whole thing take place, couldn't help but actually feel bad for the young woman.

It was only another 20 minutes or so before John managed to walk through the entrance an expression on his face that spoke volumes as he took a seat next to his youngest and without even asking began picking from both boys plates.

"Where is it?" Sam asked taking a drink from his coffee

"And what is it?" Dean added as if to finish his brother's thought two sets of hazel eyes looking excitedly at their father.

"A werewolf in Colorado, pastor Jim called and said that three have already been found dead and there are two more un-accounted for. I told him that I would talk to you boys before we agreed to take it."

"Of course we'll take it." The older of his two boys piped up without even a second thought as he shoved a bite of egg into his mouth.

"Dean… Are you sure you know you're ready….."

"I think a werewolf is a good first hunt back." Sam agreed to both John and Dean's surprise their eyes shifting to look at him. "What? I'm serious I mean we are pretty seasoned on the wolf hunting and with you and I there to back him it's not like-"

"Don't finish that sentence." Dean put his fork down and signaled for the check, "If you jinx me on my first hunt back I'll kick you're ass from here to hell and leave you there…"

"Alright, alright, I was just trying to make a point… I'm on your side here ya know?"

Dean took the small brown tray from Patty's hand and lifted the bill to read it a little shocked at the irony as a small piece of reciept paper floated out from behind it. "I don't believe it…"

_I'm sorry about before… let me make it up to you_

_PATTY_

_555-323-1465_

"Is that what I think it is?" John asked his own expression a mixture of confusion and surprise.

"Yeah." He nodded retrieving one of the credit cards from his wallet and standing up, "Let's get outta here." he mumbled before making his way up to the register.

"How was everything ?" Patty asked her demeanor immediately giving away the fact that she was more than a little nervous about the flirtatious act she had just committed.

"The food was great." He signed his name to the bill before turning to head out not intending to say another word.

"Wait you forgot this…." She called after him a second later just as the door was about to close behind the mysterious and handsome stranger holding up the small paper with her number scribbled across it….

Dean turned around and pulled the door open just enough to stick his head back in, "I didn't forget it." he answered his voice purposely louder than normal, "I didn't want it."

Confused, she couldn't help but ask the next question her voice soft… "Can I ask why?"

"I wasn't good enough for you then… What in the hell makes you think I'm good enough for you now?"

Dean didn't even bother to wait for a response, he didn't even check to see the look on her face as he pulled the door closed and turned heading the rest of the way out. He felt good.

Making his way out to the Impala he noticed Sam watching him and smirked, "What?"

"I just never thought I would see the day my brother would turn down anything with breasts…"

"How do you know I turned her down?"

"The look on her face man… It was obvious I think the whole restaurant knew."

"Yeah… Well good."

Just then out of the corner of his eye Dean watched as young woman no more than twenty five headed toward the entrance, long brown hair that swayed when she walked, a beach fresh tan decorating her skin, unlike the fake and bake one worn by the adoring Patty.

She was obviously sad, depressed… her head hung almost completely down chin to chest as she walked as though she were ashamed to be seen.

Dean knew that feeling all to well….

As she stepped passed him, reaching out he placed a hand on her shoulder just hard enough to grab her attention not hard enough to knock her over or anything.

The young woman froze and drew in a shaky breath bright green eyes coming up to meet his, so young so innocent, so pain filled.

"Keep your chin up." He whispered simply before dropping his hand from her shoulder, "Trust me… You'll be alright"

She smiled softly offering him a small nod, "Yeah…. Maybe." Her voice was low and sweet before she began to once again walk uneasily toward he restaurant her feet thumping against the asphalt as she did so… He didn't see the over whelming lip in her step, the horrid posture her body contained obviously brought on by some sort of physical handicap, he simply saw her… her pain, her sadness…. And he had been there, had felt that… And so he did the one thing he vowed to do from now on… He reached out to her because he understood her.

Dean's life had taken a devastating turn, he'd fought a battle harder than most would ever have to… And he'd come out of it a changed man, a better man…

A new man.

_Alright there is the end of it, however there will be an epilogue soon enough so don't right this off just yet. I hope I did the ending justice, and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as you have the rest of the story. I want to hear your thoughts and your criticism about the whole thing. For those of you who have stuck with me through this whole thing I thank you and I hope my choices throughout these chapters have made you proud!_


	30. Chapter 30

-1**Bar Fights and Bullets**

_Chapter 30- Epilogue_

**June 13th 2014**

As 35 year old Dean Winchester sat on the hood of his recently repainted '67 Chevy impala, he found himself thinking once again about the events that had lead him to where he sat today, waiting…. Anticipating what was about to happen.

What he was about to come face to face with… No, not what who.

He could still remember their faces as fresh in his mind as though he had seen them just five minutes ago walking out of the supermarket or strolling down the street…

He could still remember the cold, bitter and unforgiving cold that had over whelmed his body in a matter of a single second. The sounds of his brother's tearful and heart felt pleas ringing through his ears.

But most of all he could still remember the struggle he faced afterwards, the loss of his legs was insignificant compared to everything else he seemed to lose. His self worth, his strength, his pride all of it was stolen from him that night.

A night he rarely thought about, but never wanted to forget.

He needed to be here, needed to face this… the final piece of a long and painful puzzle years in the constructing.

"Penny for your thoughts?" His younger brother's voice invaded his internal conversation with himself as he glanced over to see those same puppy dog hazel orbs looking back at him. Sammy had grown into quite the adult these last seven years and at the age of 31 was only now finally accomplishing the life that his brother had known he deserved all along.

He had a fiancée who looked as though she stepped directly off of a billboard ad, he was only one more year shy of getting his law degree… and he would be welcoming his first child a son… Jonathan Robert Winchester, named after of course two of the most influential men in his life, late next month.

Yeah, Sammy finally had it all, and John was finally going to have the grand child they all knew he had been longing for, for so long now….

They were normal… Well almost.

The hunt had ended three years earlier with the death of the yellow eyed demon and the father-son hunting team disbanded allowing Sam his before mentioned new life and John a well deserved and much needed retirement… Under the assumed name Elroy Magilacuty… At least that's what it was this month.

Not Dean though, just as he had said to his brother many times before, there was always going to be something to hunt, and it was never going to be over… So he kept fighting the good fight figuring that he would sleep better knowing that his loved ones were sleeping better because of him. Because they knew he was out there protecting them, doing his job and keeping them safe as he had always done.

"There not worth a penny Sammy…" He finally answered tearing his eyes away and looking up toward the sky.

"First of all… This Sammy thing is getting kinda old, you do realize I'm 31 now don't you?"

"Yeah well, we'll be in our fifties and you'll still be Sammy to me, so someday you are just going to have to accept it."

"Whatever dude."

"Yeah whatever." The older of the two brothers rolled his neck from side to side in anticipation before casting his eyes downward and picking at the hem of his tell tale brown leather jacket.

"No seriously man what were you thinking about just now?"

"Oh nothing…"

"Are you sure you know this is what you wanna do man?… It's not to late to back out…."

"This is what I need to do…"

"Alright." Sam nodded understandingly and fell silent.

"You know Sammy I uh, I really appreciate you taken time out of your life to come down here and do this with me….I just… you know…"

"You're my brother Dean, I'll always be wherever you need me to."

"Yeah well…Thanks."

Dean popped his knuckles nervously numerous times as the minutes passed by with each one his anxiety seeming to grow more and more…Until finally a good half an hour later:

Two stout and haggard looking older figures rounded the corner exiting the Ohio state penitentiary, faces… men… Dean and Sam both would of recognized anywhere…Would never forget.

Slowly dean rose to his feet and swallowed hard chocking down the lump in his throat, ignoring the cold sweat now bathing his palms as they grew closer and closer….

"Hey." He called out cautiously hearing Sam's feet approach behind him a much appreciated safety net.

The two hillbilly-esque men stopped and turned to face the man who was obviously addressing them, their faces growing white as though they were seeing some sort of ghost, their jaws dropping ever so slightly.

It was a moment Dean took unexplainable and undeniable pleasure in as he stepped a few feet closer closing the space between them.

"I-I…We-"

"Shut up, you don't get the chance to talk, you said all you needed to say with those bullets you lodged in my spine that night…." He cut off the taller of the two quickly his words calm and collected as he continued. "You took something from me, from my family… And you did it without ever batting an eye… You put a fear inside me that I didn't think I was ever going to get past… I don't like fear." The last of that statement was spoken bone chillingly low his breath hot against the hefty man's neck. "And over what a few lousy bucks? How would your familes, your children your wives feel if I did that same thing to you right now huh?

Just reached inside you and ripped out the men you are….

If they had to sit up with you at night when you were so afraid of the images and the memories in your own head that you couldn't sleep? How would they feel if they had to wipe your ass and carry you around like some child? They had to watch you struggle from day to day? They had to bathe and dress you… Do everything for you because in so many ways one heartless and thoughtless act had turned you in a helpless invalid, your soul and body broken turning you into no more than a shadow. A shell."

"I-"

"I told you to keep your mouth shut."

"Dean." Sam could see the anger rising inside his brother as he stepped up to where Dean had now backed both men against a near by fence his finger thrust into Al's chest eyes burning with anger and rage. He placed a heavy hand of warning on the older man's shoulder. "Come on man… They're not worth it…"

"In a minute Sam." Dean whispered his eyes never leaving his two assailants, "I've waited seven years to look into the eyes of the men who did that to me… And now that I am… Now that I'm standing right here, I want you to take a good look, I want my face to be the first thing you see every morning and the last thing you see every night, embedded in your eye lids as you make love to your wives, as you watch your children grow…living what remains of your pathetic existences… Remember my face, like a nightmare that is yet to happen.

And know that if I can get you now, I can get you any time I want to… and someday… not today… but when you're least expecting it, when you think you've escaped me…. I will be back for you… to repay the same ruthless kindness you thrust upon me and my family…"

There was so much finality, so much cold in his brother's words that Sam felt a shiver run down his own spine and engulf his body, he could only imagine what such a speech was doing to those it was directed toward.

Dean lowered his finger and turned on his heels heading back to the car, keeping his eyes straight ahead… determined never to look over his shoulder again….

He'd done what he came to do….

It was over.

"So um, what now?" Sam asked as he climbed into the passengers seat watching the two frightened figures head off down the side walk through the rearview mirror until they were nothing more than specks in the distance.

"Well…" Dean grinned in the younger man's direction his infamous half grin and wiggled his brows, "I was thinking you don't have to be back in town until the 16th and there's an angry spirit about a hundred miles north of here just waiting for an ass kicking… If you think you're up for it… being all rusty and-"

"I'm not rusty!"

"Come on Sammy! You haven't hunted in-"

"Bring the bitch on." Sam rolled his eyes huffing slightly and crossing his arms over his chest his nostrils flaring… Dean had almost forgotten how easy it was to get him worked up.

"That's my boy!" He reached over patting the now annoyed man's shoulder as he shook his head and laughed before stepping down on the gas and speeding off into the distance.

-Finished.-

_I thank you, I thank you, I thank you very very much for fallowing this story all the way from beginning to end and I only hope that you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it. I've written a lot of stories in my days of fan fiction, but none of them were as close to my heart as this one! And my readers, wow you guys are amazing your praise and your eagerness pushed this story all the way through, you made me want to keep writing. It's crazy to think how long the road has been to completion and how much has happened not only in the Sam and Dean fictional world but also in my reality in the time, so yeah I thank you and as always I hope you enjoyed it, let me know your thoughts this time around too!!!!_


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